Living with and beyond cancer

My husband runs his business interests from home. We have our two dogs, we walk the dogs, we enjoy life, we’re busy, but I now take time to do what I call ‘sniff the air’. And on a beautiful day like today you stop and you think, “Hey God, isn’t it good to be alive?” And that’s actually I think the difference is that now we take life as it comes, we enjoy life for what it is, which is something that so many people just don’t do. And if you ask me, you know, having had cancer twice, am I unlucky? I would say no, I’ve been incredibly lucky because it’s made us realise how important life is, and we enjoy it.  

And we've had holidays where twice we've been, we've had holidays in America where we would've probably perhaps gone once and we would've gone for two weeks and we've been for three weeks, and we do more things and just everything about it. It's quite hard to describe it really, it's quite hard to sort of put it in words, but it stops you worrying about the silly little things that you might have worried about before, it makes you get on and live every day for today, it makes you, if you, you know, it sounds, I don't want it to sound as if you just go mad, but if you want something and you can afford it then you have it, you know, and you don't think twice about it really. And I'm not saying that people, you know, you can go mad and just start spending wildly, it's not that at all, but it does stop you worrying that much about perhaps some of the smaller decisions that you might have thought twice about before.

And both myself and my wife and my children we just live every day and we do more than we ever would have perhaps done before.

I suppose cancer is something obviously which, you know, makes you focus on things in a different way, and therefore if I had a problem before that maybe vexed me a lot, and you do, I mean you do still have problems, you still do worry about things, and probably even worry about things that you know you shouldn't, but if they get too much you can draw the line now and say, "Right hold on a minute, this is not really that important", and so I think you can get things into perspective more where, you know, beforehand you would have let them maybe worry you too much.  

 So in a way, something positive that’s come out of it.

But it does change your outlook on things, and many people say it and I know it sounds very corny, but when you, anybody that's faced with a potentially life threatening illness of any description, your priorities change radically, and I haven't yet come across anybody that doesn't say this is one form or another. Things that seemed important before, all of a sudden your priorities change and it was no longer of any real great importance if a red bill came in. You know, it was okay it will get done but let's not worry about this, this is not something to have a major flap about. It does, as I say, it sounds very corny but you begin to notice things, you begin to appreciate silly little things. I mean I noticed all sorts of weird and wonderful things from flowers and plants and trees and things to different people. And you do learn to appreciate, it's not learning, you suddenly do wake up to the fact that, hey actually this isn't too bad at all, there's some good stuff out there. And it’s a great eye opener, it's very, very strange. I don't think I was ever an impatient person before, but I did become very patient. I mean I don't, once I'd sort of got over my snappy period I did become almost too laid back for my own good I suppose in some respects, very tolerant of some things that some people would just not have tolerance with. Certain elements of things, I don't know, it might sound like a religious experience, it’s not a religious experience, I've never been a religious person as such, I've never particularly followed any particular religion, and I mean my family were sort of Church of England and so on, I mean but I've never followed anything, so it's not a religious experience, I didn't suddenly have that sort of enlightenment. And I would like to think that I'm a spiritual person, which is I feel on a different level but, you know, it's not that sort of thing, but it's just different priorities and different ways of looking at things. And sometimes I see people running around like headless chickens, and thinking why, why are you doing that? You don't have to do that. But they have to find their own way.  

I think from a male point of view it almost makes you a better person because I think men in many respects don't tend to talk to other people openly, other men, other whoever, and discussion can be a little bit sort of, I don't know, just talk about the weather or the sport or whatever, and not really talk to people, whereas after an illness that sort of thing becomes less important and proper friendships and relationships with your close family and friends become more important in your life. You're less afraid to open up and talk about things.

 I’m so grateful for having met the people that I’ve met and are involved with and the team that was at the [cancer support centre]. I’m now involved with them in a supportive kind of way, that I think it’s brought that benefit. I can’t say I wouldn’t have missed it. I would have hoped that we would have all met in some other way, but it’s been very important in shaping the rest of my life in a good way. It’s brought benefits, to be quite honest, that might not have come any other way. I don’t know about that, but I’m so grateful for how things have turned out. I’ve made some great relationships and met some life-giving people, that I can only be grateful for it.