Life-changing injuries
Friends and social life after acquired disability or injury
People’s experiences with friendships and social life varied after injury. Friends could be very supportive, struggle to understand, disappear, or were replaced by new friends (often with friends who had similar experiences).
People’s social lives sometimes changed after injury, as activities they used to enjoy doing such as going to nightclubs or pubs were no longer appealing; however, sometimes people continued to enjoy the same activities with the support of friends.
Support from friends and family with life-changing injury
Friends and family could be deeply affected by people's injuries; for example, Sam said his friends were 'traumatised' after his injury.
Some people's friends visited them in hospital or sent cards and sometimes offered support and encouragement by spending time talking to the people who were injured, some of whom were comatose.
Marina's son's friends came to visit him in hospital when he had come round from his coma. She realised he was gaining awareness when he started smiling at them.
Marina's son's friends came to visit him in hospital when he had come round from his coma. She realised he was gaining awareness when he started smiling at them.
Julie and Corrie put a visitor's book in Wesley's hospital room so they would know who visited. Visitors often left messages telling them how Wesley had been doing.
Julie and Corrie put a visitor's book in Wesley's hospital room so they would know who visited. Visitors often left messages telling them how Wesley had been doing.
Corrie: Friends of his from the Scouts would go and visit him in hospital weekly sometimes more often, throughout the whole time he was in there. Lots, lots of people did different things. On Christmas Day Mum and I went to the hospital and the rest of sort of Mum’s family are down on the south coast, so I think we were seeing them Boxing Day, so it was just Mum and I and Wes really on Christmas Day and when we were in the hospital my best friend turned up with her Mum and her brother whose the same age as Wes and they’re good friends as well. Just to come and give us a bit of company at the hospital on Christmas Day, which we didn’t know they were going to do. And we just think well it’s so thoughtful that they did, given that everyone has their own family Christmas, but the fact that they’d taken the time out to think oh they might like a bit of extra company was very thoughtful. There were numerous instances of where people were providing help and support, not always financially just with their time or research or …
Jamie joked it was difficult to have a social life when you were in a coma.
Jamie joked it was difficult to have a social life when you were in a coma.
How my injury affected me? Well darling, basically, my injury initially was, put me in a coma. And so I, would you like me to go any further? Ok, well, being in a coma it’s very difficult to talk in a coma and therefore communicate with other people, i.e. socialise or anything.
Some people told us they did not go out much after returning home from hospital because they were still recovering from their injuries. They were often supported by family during this time and did not see their friends very much.
Spending a lot of time in hospital, in rehabilitation, and at home recovering led to people feeling isolated, but some people said they didn’t realise how isolating the experience was until later when they had returned to 'normal life' (Louise).
Changes to social life after life-changing injury
Experiencing a life-changing injury can lead people to change their priorities and their approach to social activities. Some people said they got tired easily, experienced a loss in self-confidence, and no longer liked being in crowded places.
Jane found she went online more to socialise on social media and others said they were 'happy to stay in' instead of going out as they used to.
Some people changed the activities they did since their injury, partly because of things they were no longer able to do. For instance, some people were discouraged from drinking, sometimes because they were on strong medication for seizures or psychiatric problems, or because of the effects of alcohol on the behaviour of people with brain injury.
People who used wheelchairs were often initially reluctant to go to places that were inaccessible and said they may have used this as an excuse to stay in. Going out and spending time with friends helped some people to get over this reluctance.
Those whose injuries were caused by crime worried about going out because they were afraid or felt that the world had become more threatening and dangerous since their injuries.
Because of the effects of his injury and his paranoia about his safety, Kenneth does not like going out.
Because of the effects of his injury and his paranoia about his safety, Kenneth does not like going out.
He lost a lot of confidence after his injury and part of his rehabilitation was to get it back and go out.
He lost a lot of confidence after his injury and part of his rehabilitation was to get it back and go out.
Yeah, that’s, as I might have mentioned earlier, I come from [home town name] which is a big kind of going out club nightlife, which I got back into reasonably quickly. I think I suffered massively from body image and confidence when I was probably in that year, two years post injury bit. But after that bit, no I was going out just as much as I ever was, probably partying far too hard than I should have done. But I’d kind of come through that lack of confidence and body image and all that and suffered so much with it that I kind of felt that I owed it to myself to get out and go out. And after that I had a massive group of friends locally. I went out a lot and didn’t really care, and that was almost part of my rehab, was rebuilding my confidence and getting out.
After discharge from rehab, Sam only wanted to go to accessible places. That has changed now. He can go anywhere because his friends carry him up and down stairs.
After discharge from rehab, Sam only wanted to go to accessible places. That has changed now. He can go anywhere because his friends carry him up and down stairs.
Friendships after traumatic injury
A few people told us they worried about how their friends would treat them after their injury. They talked about how important it was to be open with friends and to joke with them.
Wesley’s friends helped him when they were out with him because they knew about his brain injury and could explain to others, like bouncers, that he wasn't drunk.
Friends could also be protective, particularly early on in people's recovery. Sam appreciated the support his friends gave him so much that he wrote to thank them all individually.
Her son has begun to play football with his friends again. They worry about him heading the ball.
Her son has begun to play football with his friends again. They worry about him heading the ball.
He was at the park two weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon and, as I said, he’s only just started playing football again. So you know, it’s all aches and pains and, “Oh my legs”, and yeah, “Oh great, great, fine, have a bath, you’ll get over it”. And he came home this one Sunday evening and he said, “Oh I was playing football today.” And I said, “Yes, great, that’s good.” He said, “And I headed the ball.” I said, “Oh that’s great.” He said, “Yeah, but,” he said, “All my friends shouted out, ‘Daniel, what are you doing?’” And he said, “What? What do you mean? What am I doing? I headed the ball.” He said, “I forgot I had a brain injury.” He said, “I forgot all about the accident.” And I thought that was totally amazing. I said, “Well that was excellent.” And he said, “Yeah, but he said they went mad. They said, ‘What are you are doing that for? You know you can’t do it.” And then he said, “And then I thought, oh so I can’t.” You know, “I hope nothing happens.” And I said, “Well if it happens it happens. And if it doesn’t that’s great.” And he was absolutely fine. No problem.
His friends treat him as before, making jokes, which Sam likes because it’s nice for him not to feel delicate.
His friends treat him as before, making jokes, which Sam likes because it’s nice for him not to feel delicate.
Like my other friend I was slagging – I’m quite rude to people. I feel like if you’re rude then people trust what you’re saying because they know you’re being honest. And you know, you don’t be rude to be mean, you know, but it’s just something you see and it’s not necessarily a positive thing and of course I take the piss out of them for it. So I was slagging off my friend’s shoes and he was like, “Well your shoes are crap, they’re like, look how wide they are.” And my other friend was saying, “Oh there’s no point in having a go at anything about Sam, because he’ll just say it’s something to do with being in a wheelchair, and then you’ll be like, oh, sorry about that.”
And you know, you need to have that, because remember when I talked about losing your standards? Losing your like context for your behaviour? You need to have that with your friends. If you’re not capable of having that with people they’re not really your friends, you know? So I’ve got a wide and close group of friends. They can say anything to me. They’ve said some stuff that really pissed me off actually. But like that’s any friendship isn’t it? And that’s we’d be like that anywhere. And you’d rather people were being open.
Some friendships 'naturally fizzled out' (Jack) as people stopped working and socialising with work colleagues.
People sometimes decided that there were some friends they no longer wanted to socialise with. and Joe said he no longer saw his friends because he felt a failure. Being injured made some people realise they wanted to spend more quality time with the people who were most important to them.
Joe said he no longer saw his friends because he felt like a failure and Jack said his injury helped him know who his friends were.
Sometimes people also found that they lost friends after injury because they were unable to cope with what happened, which was hurtful, and people felt let down.
Losing friends is a painful process, but Simon B says it’s “a process that needs to happen”.
Losing friends is a painful process, but Simon B says it’s “a process that needs to happen”.
So, my social life was pretty good after it taking a massive hit, both in losing some friends, because you do, but they’re friends you need to lose really because the good ones stick around and the bad ones leave. So that’s, that’s a process that needs to happen as far as I can work out. And just finding out whether you want to do the things you did before your injury, whether they mean the same things to you. You know, I spent, you know, the first ten years after my injury going out a hell of a lot. I was 25 when I had my accident and I think I partied quite hard until I was about 32, 33. And then I moved on to a different stage in my life and that was nothing to do with my disability; that was to do with just wanting different things. I think sport and culture crept into my life when I got a bit older. So you got the confidence to leave the front door, that’s where you need to be, getting the confidence back is the hard bit. So, but to have the confidence you need to do it, and to do it, you need confidence. So it’s a vicious circle.
Money was also a factor that influenced friendships after injury.
People who were unable to return to work after injury lost touch with friends when they couldn’t afford to go out as much as before. As well, while insurance and compensation payments meant that some people were financially able to help out their friends from time to time some friends tried to take advantage of them.
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New friendships and social opportunities after life-changing injury
People generally felt positive about making new friends. There were opportunities to meet people through clubs they belonged to, at school, or online. They became close to other injured people they met in hospital or through support groups or day centres.
However, Simon A thought it was difficult to make 'genuine friendships', and Rob had difficulty making new friends after he became visually impaired.
Since he lost his sight, Rob cannot read body language or gauge people's reactions. He would like other people to feel able to approach him.
Since he lost his sight, Rob cannot read body language or gauge people's reactions. He would like other people to feel able to approach him.
Although there were things people could no longer do, they were still able to take part in a range of social activities with their partners and friends, including visiting family, going out for meals, going to gigs, the theatre, museums, football matches, and the cinema.
People felt they had lots of social opportunities because they lived in London. They said that the varied and accessible public transport in London allowed them to be more independent and allowed them to have a social life that they may not have been able to have if they lived elsewhere.
See also ‘Living in London’ and 'Accessing places and public transport'.
Last reviewed: August 2025.
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