Bereavement due to suicide
Family dynamics after a suicide
People we spoke with told us how their family coped after the death of their loved one by suicide as well as how family dynamics changed with bereavement due to suicide.
Support from family after a suicide
After their son died Bob and Lynda decided to support each other in their grief. They were determined not to let his suicide tear them apart.
After their son died Bob and Lynda decided to support each other in their grief. They were determined not to let his suicide tear them apart.
It [Darren’s suicide], it was an absolute shock and totally unexpected. You never expected to hear the word suicide you know in our house, it was some, nothing ever talked about and we had to make arrangements. His friends parents went out to fetch them back and, because they’d gone in Darren’s car and they couldn’t drive it back so they went and fetched his friends, friends back and all his luggage, and then we had to start the process of getting him home. We used a local funeral firm and they sorted it all out for us. But then you’ve got to start the, coping with this traumatic experience and I mean, like most married couples, Lynda and I had been married 30 odd years at the time, no 20 odd years at the time, and we were just going along comfortable together, but when this happened, this was something that could’ve either torn us apart or brought us together. We made the conscious decision at the time we, we both brought Darren into the world, we both see him out of it and we worked together and one of the biggest things we realised is that even though you’re grieving for the same loss, you grieve differently, you are individuals. But it’s so important to, if you can, to work together and when’s one down the other one’s up and you can help each other through it.
Mm.
And I’m fortunate Lynda has helped me through it, and I’ve helped Lynda through it so, I don’t know what we’d have done without each other.
Alex and Felicity were glad that family members supported each other when their daughter Alice died by suicide.
Alex and Felicity realised that a death by suicide in the family might weaken family bonds. Alex says he is delighted by the family solidarity after Alice died.
Alex and Felicity realised that a death by suicide in the family might weaken family bonds. Alex says he is delighted by the family solidarity after Alice died.
Nina recalled that when her brother Joe was dying in hospital their parents supported each other even though they were divorced and relations between them had not been good.
Family members supported each other and 'just gelled together' when Joe was dying in hospital.
Family members supported each other and 'just gelled together' when Joe was dying in hospital.
And when you were at the hospital, what was the interaction like then? It must have been difficult.
At the hospital we were just, everyone was in a daze, everybody was just, just had the, I can just remember this ache in my head which didn’t go for about a year, you know you’re just you just feel like someone’s got your brain and just [holds her head] just squeezing it, but interaction in the hospital within the family considering my parents had divorced and relations weren’t that good between them really, prior to Joe killing himself, at the hospital things, I mean I, you know family try to do, everybody just gelled together, it was, it was, it was quite remarkable really. Didn’t continue. But, you know at that time when, when you know when it was needed, well we were all going through the same experience, we were all losing you know our son, our brother.
Steve also said that when his sister died by suicide the rest of the family ‘pulled together’ and became even closer than they had been before the terrible event. Steve said that his relationship with his parents in particular had become much stronger.
After Linda’s teenage daughter died she found that she became closer to her husband. However, she said that it took a while for her, her husband, and her other daughter to become a ‘family of 3’.
Lucy and Darrell had not been in contact with their family for many years. After Darrell’s suicide, both Lucy and Darrell's families supported Lucy, and instead of being known as 'Darrell’s girlfriend', she was known as part of his family. She saw both her and Darell's family every week.
The families had disagreements before Darrell died but his death made people stop and conclude that nothing was to be gained from arguing.
The families had disagreements before Darrell died but his death made people stop and conclude that nothing was to be gained from arguing.
How did all this affect family interaction? Did families come together?
Yeah. Since this has all happened obviously I’ve now become closer to Darrell’s family.
Hmm.
And I’m now part of their family rather than Darrell’s girlfriend or fiancée that I was. I’m now a part of their family and I’m in contact with his, his parents on a weekly to daily basis the same as I am now with my parents. I mean, not everybody’s welcomed me back but this is real life, not everything goes as, to plan. But more good has come, come out of his death than, than bad, definitely.
I was going to say, would you see that as a positive thing then?
Yeah.
Hmm.
I mean, nobody wants to that someone’s got to lose their life to do this.
No.
But definitely where there were disagreements in the families before, that has helped to make people stop and think, is this really worth it? Should we do this or should we do that? And I think everybody’s a lot closer for it.
Hmm.
And a lot more positive has come out, more good’s come out of it than bad. And if that’s, if that’s something good to come out of it then, then that’s how, how we’ve taken it.
Thus, in some families relationships improved after the death of a family member by suicide; however, in other families, relationships changed or became strained.
Strained or changed family dynamics after a suicide
One man, for example, said that when his wife died, he found it hard to love his young daughters for a while.
Another person said that when her brother died, family relationships became 'uneasy' because members of the family 'realised that everyone was vulnerable', and it felt a bit like they were ‘living on a knife edge’. She explained that after this event, the family no longer took each other for granted.
Others also said that family relationships had become uneasy.
Arthur said that when his son died, he was 'so wrapped up' in his son’s death that he neglected his daughter, to such an extent that he 'almost felt there was only one child in the family'. He regretted his neglect.
After their son Tom died, Jane and Maurice found it hard to talk to each other about his death, and life was ‘uncomfortable’ for a while.
Once there has been one suicide in a family, people may worry that others will see this as 'a way of dealing with any problems'. Families that had been affected by more than one person dying by suicide suffered particularly, and found it understandably difficult to cope with the prospect of losing anyone else in this way.
Counselling – perhaps involving the whole family – may help the family cope (see ‘Help and support from professionals’ and ‘Help from Cruse Bereavement Care’).
Susan and her husband found it hard to talk about their sons’ suicides, and they sometimes blamed each other for what had happened.
Ted was only 12 years old when his father died. He said that the family did not talk about his father’s death and 'pretended it had not happened, which was not ideal’.
Some people told us that family relationships had worsened with bereavement for suicide.
After Stuart’s ex-partner died by suicide, some of her family were ‘absolutely fantastic’, but others had no contact at all. At times, Stuart felt quite hurt and abandoned, and he thought that Anne’s family blamed him for her death.
Lucreta also said that relationships with the family got worse after her daughter died. She wondered if other family members were afraid and did not know what to say.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or attend A&E right away. If you or someone else needs urgent help for mental health, call 111 or access NHS 111 online at 111.nhs.uk for help.
If you or someone you know is struggling, help and support are available. See NHS mental health and 'Resources and Information' for more, including help and resources for people bereaved by suicide.
Last reviewed: July 2025.
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