Bereavement due to suicide
Help from Cruse Bereavement Care
People bereaved by suicide experience many difficulties and emotions, including feelings of guilt and anger (see ‘First reactions’ and ‘Changing emotions’). Help and support during this time is beneficial and may come from many different sources.
Most people find help and support from family and friends. Informal help is also provided by various groups and organisations (see ‘Self-help groups, conferences and helplines’). Many also seek support from their GP, and some seek more specialised help from professional counsellors or psychotherapists (see ‘Help and support from professionals’).
Others turn to members of the church and organisations such as Cruse Bereavement Care (Cruse) for help and support.
Cruse is a leading UK bereavement charity that promotes the well-being of bereaved people to enable anyone bereaved by death to understand their grief and cope with their loss. The organisation provides support and offers information, advice, education, and training services. For more information about Cruse see Cruse Bereavement Support (‘Resources and Information’).
Cruse volunteers who offer support to bereaved people attend a 48-hour specialised training course over a number of weeks and may also have a nationally recognised certification.
Most of the people who work for Cruse call themselves ‘volunteers’, even if they have worked for Cruse for a long time, though GPs and others often call them counsellors. People who receive different training elsewhere but work for Cruse may be counsellors rather than volunteers.
In some areas, Cruse runs groups such as friendship groups and support groups specifically for people bereaved by suicide.
Experiences with Cruse for support with bereavement for suicide
Stephen said that the person he talked to from Cruse was excellent. He said it was good to be able to talk about himself and to know that he was not ‘going mad’ and that his feelings were perfectly normal.
Jacqui also sought help from Cruse.
Months after Mike died Jacqui decided to get in touch with Cruse. It was helpful to talk about her feelings to someone specifically assigned to her for an hour.
Months after Mike died Jacqui decided to get in touch with Cruse. It was helpful to talk about her feelings to someone specifically assigned to her for an hour.
I was put in contact with Cruse, but because it was a suicide they wanted someone who had dealt with suicide to be my counsellor.
Mmm.
So they did say that that might take some time, but I don’t think I, really got in touch with, you know; although I was given Cruse information I didn’t really follow it up until a bit later on myself, anyway. So I really didn’t have any counselling with them until the second half of the year, you know, coming up to the winter time.
Did they find a counsellor who could help you who had been involved in suicide eventually?
Yes, they did manage to find someone yes, I did find someone.
Did you go and visit somebody once a week or what happened?
I went to the offices yes. And I think it was once a week, yeah, it was once a week and then it maybe went on to once a fortnight.
And how did you find them?
It’s nice to be able to have somebody that you could just talk to, and just rabbit on to, and you know they’re there just to listen to you and that’s it, you know, I mean it’s nice to have friends and things that you know, I mean, the support I have had from my friends has been fantastic but, you’re also aware of the fact that they are your friend, I know, I know I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of and my friends know everything, you know, they know everything, but you are also always aware that they have their own lives, they have their own problems.
Mmm.
And, you know, they were there, and they’re at my beck and call, it was a case of you still sometimes sorta held back a bit ‘cause you sort of think ‘well’,you know, I know they’ve got, you know, and I suppose in a way I felt guilty, you know, taking a lot of their time when, they probably didn’t feel that they were, you know, that they were just so glad to support me, do you know what I’m trying to say? It, it was nice to, it was nice to go to someone who has specifically been assigned to me…
Yeah.
…to give me that sixty minutes, or fifty minutes, or whatever where it’s just me, to talk about my feelings with that person.
Mmm.
And that’s what they’re there for and nothing else.
You didn’t have to pay for any of that?
It was, you could pay by donation if you wanted to, at the end, yeah if you wanted to do, yeah, but to be honest I don’t think she, I don’t think you should have to pay for something like that to be honest I think it should be offered as a matter of course.
People may want to see a Cruse Bereavement Support Volunteer soon after the death, or, like Jenny, prefer to wait for a few weeks or months. A suitable person may not be available immediately. People bereaved by suicide may want to talk to someone who has also been bereaved by suicide, or has had some experience of suicide Felicity wanted to see someone immediately but she had to wait ten days.
The first thing the person from Cruse said to Helen was, “You can get over this, but only if you want to.” At first she thought this was harsh but later decided it was good advice.
The first thing the person from Cruse said to Helen was, “You can get over this, but only if you want to.” At first she thought this was harsh but later decided it was good advice.
They saw me quite quickly, because sometimes you have to wait a while. And they saw me quite quickly, and it was a very nice man that I used to see. And he was, he was just brilliant but he used to make me, not make me, but ask me to tell him everything about what had happened, and even down to when I went to see Charlotte after she’d died at the hospital. And of course that was extremely painful and I think I cried nearly through every session, most of the time, but I think you need to get it out, I think I learnt as well with my daughter, because she suffered with depression for so long, if you have feelings that you don’t let out and you don’t speak about, I think it’s much more of a chance that you will become depressed also. And I haven’t taken anti-depressants at all since, after losing Charlotte. I think I’ve just found ways to, to speak about it, but I‘ve only spoken to people that I’ve wanted to speak to, about these things.
And seeing someone from Cruse was helpful?
Very helpful, he was, he was, I can’t remember exactly the things he said to me now but I think that one of the first things he said, one of the first things he said to me was, “You can get over this, but only if you want to.” And at the time I thought it was slightly harsh, but actually it wasn’t, it was very good advice I think. And I think, I needed to get over it because I have four grandchildren, one of which was Charlotte’s. And you can’t live a very unhappy life and be miserable all the time around four children and they were, except for Charlotte’s baby, the other three were all old enough to understand what had happened, and they talked about it constantly.
Some people said that they did not want counselling or said that they did not find it useful. Bob, for example, said that he did not think he would find a male counsellor who had also lost a son to suicide and could help him.
Linda was put in touch with someone from Cruse, but the person was much older than her and she did not feel comfortable talking to her about what had happened.
One man told us that, looking back, he thought that he might have benefited from talking to volunteers earlier than he did.
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or attend A&E right away. If you or someone else needs urgent help for mental health, call 111 or access NHS 111 online at 111.nhs.uk for help.
If you or someone you know is struggling, help and support are available. See NHS mental health and 'Resources and Information' for more, including help and resources for people bereaved by suicide.
Last reviewed: July 2025.
Last updated: January 2015.
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