Reham

Brief Outline:

Reham is 14. She started her periods in primary school, on the day they learned about them in class. She hadn’t heard of periods before that time. Her periods are painful and she can feel dizzy or even faint with them. The support of her friends is really important to her, and a really important part of managing periods is how they work together as a community, channelling ‘girl-power’ to care for each other. She has been to the doctor, after she fainted, on the advice of her friends and mum, and now has iron tablets which have helped the dizziness, and she is planning on following up with them.

Reham happened to start her first period on the day that school taught them about menstruation. This was the first time she heard of periods and she ‘put so many questions in the question box’.

The first time I ever had my period I was like Year 6, around maybe 10, maybe even nine, ’cause I was a bit early, and that exact day that I got it was actually a day that we were... like the classroom was split: the girls were in one room and we were all taught about it, so it just came on the perfect day, I guess. But I didn’t feel it at all the first few months, but then it started getting really painful the more like time I had it.

That’s interesting. Your period literally started on the day that you got—

That I was having one.

And had you heard about periods before that point, or was that the first day you heard about them as well?

It was the first day I ever heard about it. I remember the teacher would ask... would tell us: “Oh, if you’d like you can ask questions about it:” I put so many questions in the ans... in the question box; I was so confused. But...

OK. So, before the lesson at school, and it sounds like you... and so def... and still at primary school?

Yeah.

And before that lesson, periods weren’t something that you’d heard talked about or that you knew about particularly?

No, not at all.

Reham finds it hard to concentrate on schoolwork, or to want to do it, when she is mostly thinking about pain.

It definitely affects me when I’m there ’cause I find it really hard to concentrate ’cause I’m mostly thinking about pain. And sometimes I’m just looking at my work and I’m just like: ‘no, I don’t wanna do none of that.’ So, I just need to sit down in my chair. I’m also like top class, so like whatever I have to learn, I have to like get it through my head ’cause it’s gonna be important. So, I’m just sat there trying to figure out what’s going on in class, while also hoping I don’t just get a... a big feeling of pain right in the middle of like lessons and stuff. And also, my concentration’s a bit off, but... yeah.

Reham explains how she worried about bleeding through and how people would react, even though when this happened to someone in her class, people were nice about it.

And what was... Was there anything that you worried about or felt like it was important to have a way to try and get out?

I was just really worried that I’d bleed through, or like if somebody’d just figure out... like one of the guys, if they ever figured out, what would happen, I was so scared of that.

Yeah. What were you... did you... was there anything you were kinda worried that would happen if they found out, or they... or you had to say it aloud in class?

I feel like the kids were just... in primary school, kids are just horrible. Well, they would... they’re just horrible, so if any of the guys found out, I was scared that... and like some of them would carry it on for... for the rest of their life and have to be called... oh, I don’t know, “bloody [name],” or something. [chuckles]

Yeah. What were you... did you... was there anything you were kinda worried that would happen if they found out, or they... or you had to say it aloud in class?

It’s something I was worried about, but then after I think... after a while, I was just... Just, I remember once in school, right, some girl had gotten hers and she’s having blood through, but some of the guys were actually so nice, like it was so weird some time, ’cause I know the guys in my class, they’re horrible. But then, as soon as like somebody had gotten hers, they would actually leave them alone. And one of them... I remember once, one of them even gave me chocolate ’cause they thought I was on, like – I wasn’t – but still: “Thank you.”

Yeah. Thats a very nice reaction.

It was very confusing. I've never seen them that nice.

Reham thought her periods were normal until her friends and family told her they did not have difficulties like she did. They encouraged her to see a doctor, and gave her the confidence to do so.

And do you ever get a sense of kinda how your periods compare to each other’s?

I find that like mine... I didn’t think mine were really heavy or mine were really bad, or until like my friends were like: “Girl, you need to see a doctor, like you’re fainting, you’re doing all that, and you need to get a doctor,” and I was like: “All right.”

So, it was your friends that kinda encourage you to that?

Yeah.

So, before that, you said you thought yours weren’t that bad?

Yeah, I didn’t really think that they were that bad. Mostly ’cause I didn’t have it... and like family people that told me: “Oh, yours is bad, like, oh, mine’s not really that bad, but yours is bad,” and like I’ve never had that conversation. But until they told me, I was like: ‘oh, you know what, maybe I should.’

Before that point, had you ever thought about... you know, in the days when you were kinda not able to go to school with your period, had you ever thought about going to the doctor’s?

I just thought that it was normal and I didn’t really know about other people didn’t have to go through that, so I was like: ‘oh, and I’ll just suck it up, I’ll... I’ll be all right.’ And then I had a feeling, like sometimes I’ll be in so much pain I’d be like: ‘oh, my gosh, a doctor, anything,’ but I just never went, I just didn’t have the courage to, I guess. Didn’t have... I didn’t have the closure or like somebody telling me: “OK, you need to go to the doctor,” and then that would seal it in for me.

So... it’s OK. So it was almost like what helped you was being given kinda permission or being... or told it was an OK thing to go to the doctor with?

Yeah.

And before that point?

Not really, I just read... “just suck it up”, that’s what I told myself.

Would it have been helpful to know something about what to look out for, or what to do?

If I’d known... if I could tell myself in the past: “Oh, you’ll be really ill, look out for these symptoms like dizziness, feeling really... and feeling really like just low, feeling bad, and also just being in a lot of pain,” and like those symptoms I need to go to a doctor for, because not everyone’s going to have those symptoms. And like my periods are different to others, so I should just ignore what they’re doing, and just get to a doctor and help myself.

Reham found lessons about periods in a mixed gender class in secondary school ‘awkward’ and worried that the girls might not feel comfortable talking in these classes.

In primary school I felt that did help because I was still a kid so I didn’t really need all that much information, but it did get the point across. But in secondary school I felt it was more awkward ’cause they did it with both the girls and the boys together in one room, so I was like: ‘oh,’ but mainly the girls were just not listening and they were just trying to look away, trying not to feel nervous.

And that’s quite interesting. So that’s one of the things we’ve been thinking about quite a lot, actually, is whether... is what you think about that being together or... or not?

I think being separate would be like way more helpful ’cause then the girls would feel more comfortable talking about that and they wouldn’t have to listen about problems that the boys have, which they won’t feel, and vice versa.

Reham thinks that looking periods and period pain on the internet tends to reinforce stereotypical facts about them, especially about being emotional, which she did not find helpful.

Have you ever kinda looked up or tried to find out more about periods? Do you know where you would look for information?

Well, I’ve looked on the internet, but like that wouldn’t really help that much. It would tell you... it wouldn’t tell you the average, but it would tell you like the stereotypical things about periods, like it wouldn’t find out much about it. So, whenever I do go on the internet, I try to look for female... Females that are talking about it so I can like... They will know more about it than a male person.

Yeah, OK. So, you want somebody who’s got a bit of experience,—

Dealing with it themself.

—probably themselves, yeah. And that’s really interesting what you say about the internet not being that helpful, ’cause it’s mostly stereotypical. Can... huh, can you tell me a bit about what you... ’cause I think that’s really intr... that makes total sense to me.

For me, I feel like it just talks about how, oh, yeah, women get more emotional in their periods, oh they’re gonna bleed this amount of time, blah-blah-blah. Like it wouldn’t give you necessarily things that you wanna look for, like: “Oh, what should I do, what should I get that would actually help me, or what things that... and like what are things that would make me feel better?” blah-blah-blah, etc, etc, but it’ll... it just gives us stereotypical things like: “Oh, if you’re... if you’re feeling very... if a woman’s feeling very sad, she’s probably on her period: I think you might need to get her some chocolate,” you know?

So—

I’m interested in chocolate and periods. I... I generally don’t know who keeps that idea.

Reham looks online and on social media for advice about practical things she can try which might help her with managing her periods and period pain. She would also use it to find out when to see a doctor.

Have you looked anywhere... what about things like social media?

Social media: I have looked there a few times, and it has helped me a bit, like especially with female creators, like that’s... and that’s what I ever I go onto, and they’ve helped me a lot and they’ve told me about like: “Oh, this is what you should do, this is what not to do, this would be very bad for you, this would be very good for you,” like they’ve given me actual advice that I could use.

OK. So... so influencers, is that Tik... TikTok, Instagram, a bit of both?

Some TikToks, and yeah, usually TikTok.

So, what sort of things have they recommended that you’ve found helpful?

They... some of them have recommended me like things, like different foods. Like some people have told me to put honey and like, not boil, but like heat up a lot of... some milk, which sounds really weird, but honey and milk... hot milk, actually go well together and it actually helps.

OK.

And like they’ve given me different things like: “Oh, put a sleeping mask on, that would really help your kind of...” why it might help you with your dizzy and dizziness, if you do feel that. And some of them have even given me like yoga things, like: “Oh, people this... sleep in this position and that would help you, do this.” There’re some pressure points that you can use, which I think are really helpful.

OK. So, you’ve actually found those things incredibly helpful, and they’ve been things that nobody taught you at school, but that you’ve picked up from influence, so people who’ve got experience of it?

Mm.

OK. Hot milk and honey sounds great. And then, so yoga positions and pre... pressure points,—

Yeah.

—and things to help with sleep. Are there any things that they’ve said definitely don’t do, or things that you’ve tried that haven’t helped?

Well, some of them have been like trying to... some of them have tried to like... how to explain them very well, but some of them have like tried to be like: “Oh, you could talk about this to a doctor, or something, but from my own experience doctors don’t usually do much.” And some of them have even tried to be like: “Oh, you can use it for a lot of things to get what you want.” I agree, since I used to do that in primary school, but that’s not what I’m looking for specifically. But it wouldn’t... it would give me some advice, but it wouldn’t be helpful to me. Like it might be helpful to others, but I wouldn’t relate to that.

Yeah. I’m interested in your experience that doctors don’t usually do a lot: are there things that you would like them to do that you would find helpful?

I would like them to look more into, like, periods instead of just the effects of it. Like I’d like to see how it can... and like how it can make me feel better, how I can feel better when I’m on my period. But I don’t really have a clear idea of what they could do, no.

Reham tries to stay in school and be in her lessons when she has period pain, but it can be difficult.

I definitely use painkillers, like I use a specifically paracetamol, but... and I don’t really think it helps that much.  I have to like use a lot of it, but I... I don’t really wanna use... and I only take like four... or three pills every single day when I’m on my period because you have to take it hourly, not hourly, but every four hours and I just don’t have the time in school.

Are you allowed to carry it at school or would you have to go to the school nurse?

Oh, I wouldn’t be allowed to carry it at all ’cause it’s a banned item and I might get suspended for it, apparently.

OK. So, if you did need pain relief at school, have you ever had to do that; have you ever gone to the nurse or gone to a teacher?

I’ve gone to a nurse a few times, but most of the time they just don’t really have anything that they can do about it. They usually just make us... they make me sit there for like an... a few minutes and they’re like: “All right, it’s time to go to class now and you’re feeling a bit better, aren’t you?” and you just kind of say yes, and just go ahead.

And are you always feeling better?

Not really. I just... I just get a bit... I just get really worried, I’m like: ‘oh, I don’t wanna... I don’t wanna take up all the time and I don’t wanna act like this,’ I could have just have stayed home, but I went to school, so I might as well just be in class.

Yeah, and try and be keeping up, but it’s hard.

Yeah, mm.

OK. So, getting pain relief when you’re in school is quite hard?

Yeah.

OK. And are there... and does school ever give you anything else, like do you have hot water bottles or things you can borrow?

Not really.

No?

The most you can do is just water and hope you’re doing all right at the end of the day.

Reham felt happier about starting her periods when she found out that a close friend also had, and ‘less alone’. She and her friend developed a system for asking to go to the toilet together, and their teacher was kind and supportive.

And were you able to tell your teacher that you’d just started, or what did you do then?

After a few days, ’cause it was like my fourth day, or something, and then one of my friends also got her, and she was like: “Oh, my gosh, I’m so excited, maybe if we could like... maybe we can get to miss a bit of class, we can ask the teacher to... Miss, go to the toilet?” and I was like: “We can do that?” And so, we ended up, halfway through the lesson, and just told our teacher: “Miss, if we do this, that means we really need to go to the toilet.” And we did that so many times throughout the lesson, but luckily, I didn’t miss out on much.

OK. And that’s quite interesting. So, you came up on your very own with a way of kind of telling the teacher that you needed to leave?

Yeah.

How... how did they respond to that?

Well, they just... I had a female teacher, so it was more like she understood it more, so she was like: “Oh, OK, I understand, if you need anything I’m pretty sure there’s some things in the toilet and you can just leave if you really, really need to,” and it was really nice of her; it was very sweet.

’cause actually, primary school: were the toilets in your primary school kinda setup for having periods, or was that a bit...?

They weren’t, but my teacher did have like a pads and tampon box in her drawer, so she was like: “Oh, if you need anything, I’ll have something,” so I think—

And that’s.

—that’s really sweet.

And you said that it was really nice that your friend started at the same time: did that... did that help?

Yeah, it helped ’cause it... ’cause after I found out that my friend got it, I found out a few other people had gotten it, so it felt like I wasn’t alone, and it had like a group to it.

Reham talks about how “girl power” means that they all have “each other’s backs” when managing periods and period pain, including sharing products and things for period pain.

Like if anybody needs help, since I’ll have a lot of friends, right, so if anybody of them needs help, everybody’s got each other’s backs, like even if you’re not friends, like we’re still gonna help you out, just to, you know, girl power.

And what sort of things do you do to help each other?

A few times some of us have snuck in like paracetamol at school or like just painkillers for the others. And sometimes we’d... One of us usually has like... and just a water bottle, like a warm water bottle that we can just put on abdomens. And we also have... nearly always have pads in our bags like all the time, so if anybody needs one, or anybody needs a tampon, which I usually carry, but if anybody does have a tampon and somebody else needs it, like and we’ll be OK giving it out, of course, like.

So, you’ve got a kinda girl-power solidarity?

Yeah, definitely.

And you share menstrual products and you can talk to each other, and you’re basically looking out for each other?

Definitely.

 

And you said some of you might bring pain relief in: is that ’cause you... is there differences in who can get access or who... who’s kinda likely to have it?

Most of us... well, the ones that do bring it, I wouldn’t like to snitch, but whoever does bring it, like usually they’ll say it’s because they’re really, really, really ill, and the school might let them get away with it, and they just give it out to anyone who actually needs it.

And that’s usually for period pain?

Yeah.

But you don’t think your school give out pain relief for period pain?

Not really.

Reham says some people can only “whisper” about periods, which she feels speaks to a bigger issue in society about how girl’s and women’s bodies are ignored.

Do you have a sense that it is something that’s still sort of kept hidden?

It definitely is. Like  whenever I talk... and like even on the internet, and stuff like that, people usually whisper about it, and people don’t really know what they’re doing, and like it’s a big issue, I feel.

I think that’s fas...  And how does that make you feel then when people are talking about it in that way and kind of whispering and...?

I feel like it’s just... I won’t ever shame the person that’s doing it ’cause there could be... like I said, the bigger issue as a whole. As a society we need to just be more open and more OK with female bodies ’cause... like some... and it’s something biology that all... most females are gonna have to go through, so why keep it hidden? Like just how we talk about male bodies and how... what they’re going through, let’s give that same attention to females, I think that...

Reham was surprised when the boys in her class were nice when people had their periods. One of them even gave her some chocolate.

And what was... ha... was there anything that you worried about or felt like it was important to have a way to try and get out?

I was just really worried that I’d bleed through, or like if somebody’d just figure out... like one of the guys, if they ever figured out, what would happen, I was so scared of that.

Yeah. What were you... did you... was there anything you were kinda worried that would happen if they found out, or they... or you had to say it aloud in class?

I feel like the kids were just... in primary school, kids are just horrible. Well, they would... they’re just horrible, so if any of the guys found out, I was scared that... and like some of them would carry it on for... for the rest of their life and have to be called... oh, I don’t know, “bloody Reham,” or something. [chuckles].

Yeah. And... so... and... yeah. And did you ever see them being mean to somebody else, or was it... is that something that you saw happening or just something that you worried about ’cause of kinda other things?—

It’s something I was worried about, but then after I think... after a while, I was just... Just, I remember once in school, right, some girl had gotten hers and she’s having blood through, but some of the guys were actually so nice, like it was so weird some time, ’cause I know the guys in my class, they’re horrible. But then, as soon as like somebody had gotten hers, they would actually leave them alone. And one of them... I remember once, one of them even gave me chocolate ’cause they thought I was on, like – I wasn’t – but still: “Thank you.”

[chuckles] OK, yeah. OK, that’s a very nice reaction. [chuckles]

It was very confusing, and I’ve never seen them that nice.

Reham fainted in class. Mum supported her to go to the doctor, and she ‘just got swarmed with messages of all my friends just going: “Yo, you need to go to a doctor, this is not normal, get your butt to a doctor.”. This helped her have the courage to go.

Can you remember what people kinda said to you?

Well, people said to me like: “Oh, I usually get cramps, and like they’re not even...” but some people were like: “Oh, I usually get cramps, and like I’d take one paracetamol pill and I’d be all right,” and I’d be like: “Oh, that’s really nice, I had to take like four, but like I’m really glad that you can only take one,” and they were like: “Four, are all right?” And then until I started fainting in class, they were like: “OK, this is... this is getting a bit weird – girl – you need to go get a doctor.” I remember after I came home and like after I texted you and first reached out, I just got swarmed with messages of all my friends just going: “Yo, you need to go to a doctor, this is not normal, get your butt to a doctor.”

So, it was your friends that really pushed you?

Yeah, it was my friends. And my Mum also really pushed me, she was like: “OK, I’m not having my kid fainting in school, let’s go.”

Reham encourages doctors to recognise that some people may be reluctant to talk about periods, even though they are having a huge impact on them.

Don’t underestimate how much your patients are going through. Like some patient... some people will feel less comfortable to talk about it openly, but that doesn’t make... what they’re going through any less real and any less like worth it, and so they should just be more open and actually take it like seriously. Take what they’re given and try to find something that will help someone, and... ’cause periods can be really painful for patients, so they should take it seriously and try to find some medication that will help.

Reham thinks it would be helpful if teachers talked about periods in a respectful and open way, and actively make their classes a comfortable environment for talking about periods.

Have you got any advice you’d want to give teachers, so either when they’re teaching you about periods or just more generally when they’re looking after young people?

For teachers, I feel like if they talk more and if they’re more open to it and like, I don’t know, maybe some posters, have some pads in the room in case somebody needs it. Just be more inclusive and, like, talk more. Like, don’t make it a comfortable... an uncomfortable environment. When you talk about it, don’t make it seem like it’s something silly or something like that should be kept hidden, but be... be more respectful about it and be more open, and just act like it’s a casual thing; it is.