Young people's experiences of periods and period pain
Talking about periods and period pain
For the young people we talked to, there were different views on whether they could or should talk to others about their periods and period pain. Some described being very open sharing about their periods to friends, family and teachers. Others were more hesitant and preferred not to talk about it at all or only with a few select people. This section covers:
- Views on talking about periods and period pain
- Talking about periods and period pain to get help and support
- Talking to friends and peer reactions
- Preferences when talking to teachers about periods
- Speaking to relatives about periods and period pain
- Other people talked to about periods
Dr Katy Vincent encourages any young person with any aspect of their periods or period pain that are worrying them or getting in the way of things to speak to a doctor about them.
Dr Katy Vincent encourages any young person with any aspect of their periods or period pain that are worrying them or getting in the way of things to speak to a doctor about them.
I think people often worry about whether their symptoms aren’t bad enough to go and see a doctor. They don't want to be wasting their time, for example. But I would say if there's anything that is getting in the way of your life or anything that's worrying you or anything that you, feel you need advice about, then please come and ask us. We'd always be happy to see you.
Ela finds talking to female friends about periods easy. She found talking to boys in school was better than she expected.
Ela finds talking to female friends about periods easy. She found talking to boys in school was better than she expected.
Well, I think talking to women about some of the gross parts, or even how it like affects daily life is really because everyone experiences things quite similarly, or, you know, people help each other, like I’ll ask a friend: “Oh, do you have tampon?” Like, it’s easy to talk to my girlfriends about it. But I’ve also found that boys are not as grossed out by it as I thought they would be. There was this one time we were in a science class and my friend, [name] and I... You know, I think there’s a lot of... there’s a big lack of communication between like what boys go through and what girls go through growing up, and everyone is sort of educated in Year 5 and 6, but at that time it’s all so new and no one really remembers. So, we were actually asking each other questions, and we found that the boys were quite like... they were never grossed out, they were quite understanding, they were like: “Oh, do you prefer pads or tampons?” Like I think maybe it’s ’cause they have other female presence in their homes, but I think it was quite normalised for them too, which is good because, you know, we might assume: ‘oh, boys would think it’s weird if you talked about it,’ but I’ve never really found that.
Views on talking about periods and period pain
Some young people, like Iris, felt quite “relaxed” talking about periods, especially with friends. Jian felt able to speak about periods at school and “wasn’t hindered or restricted, but I wasn’t pushed to either, I just felt very comfortable and talking about it when I wanted to”.
Others had a sense that periods were quite “private” (Bella, Willow), “personal” (Emily) or “secret” (Elsa, Ivy). Lola explained how, “‘in my mind, like, ‘no, this is a secret thing, you don’t discuss this with anyone’”.
Emily finds talking about periods and period pain a bit uncomfortable, and is glad about the private way her school gives support.
Emily finds talking about periods and period pain a bit uncomfortable, and is glad about the private way her school gives support.
Well, I’m quite open about quite a lot of things, but periods are something that... that I’m not embarrassed about, but I know can be uncomfortable to talk about, because it’s quite a personal thing. And like it... I don’t... sorry, I don’t know how to describe it: like it doesn’t... it almost feels like talking to somebody about it, like you’re announcing it to everyone, which is, I know that that isn’t how it is, but the school deal with it very privately, which is really good.
Brilliant. And do you... yeah, I mean I think... I think that’s a balance that’s quite tricky, isn’t it? Do... do you have any kind of thoughts on what aspects of it might be uncomfortable? And as you say, you’ve said it’s quite a personal thing.
Yeah. I guess it’s not wanting to make people aware about something that is to do with you and sort of maybe not their business.
Mm.
And some people in the younger years might be scared to like leak or flood. I know one of my friends unfortunately leaked and it went all over the chair and she was really, really embarrassed and upset about it, but she didn’t wanna tell anyone because of that embarrassment.
Yeah, that’s some... I think that’s an incredibly difficult thing, isn’t it?
Mm.
How... how did... can you remember how people did respond about her, around her and what... what kinda happened when that happened?
So, I feel quite bad for her ’cause she was in floods of tears, the poor thing, but she bumped into a teacher she knew and the teacher got it sorted for her.
Oh, brilliant. OK. And do you think that had an impact kinda on everyone around you, that... that worry?
Yeah, I think so, because it is quite a fear that... I don’t know why, that there is quite a lot of embarrassment around periods because it’s always sort of been that... sort of been a thing that’s very personal and very secret and sort of something that you won’t... wouldn’t really want to share with anybody else. So, I completely understand why people are scared of sit... like going up to somewhere, going up to people you might not necessarily know and saying, “Hey look, can I like have something to deal with it?”
Like Bella Z, a few young people felt it was easier to talk about the pain of periods than other symptoms: “I’d more talk about cramps than, like, the bleeding. I’d say the bleeding’s a bit less, like you wouldn’t go into much detail about it”.
Mentioning their period in passing was fine for some but they didn’t want to be seen to talk ‘too much’, ‘too often’ or in ‘too much detail’ about it. Liv felt there was an expectation to manage with periods and period pain without being “dramatic”. This was echoed by Scarlett: “me and my friends are just quite casual about it, we don’t really, you know, make a big deal about it”.
Lucia mainly feels comfortable talking about periods with girlfriends or her mum – and if there is a reason for the conversation
Lucia mainly feels comfortable talking about periods with girlfriends or her mum – and if there is a reason for the conversation
Are periods something you talk about much?—
Yeah, if... yeah, I think so, if someone mentioned it then we’ll all talk about it.
Are there people that you would talk about it with, and maybe people you wouldn’t as much?
I just talk about it with girls, but not boys.
OK. How... how do think... have you ever had a difficult conversation with the boys?
No.
No, huh. So, is there something you’d worry about, or what would make it different about talking about it with boys, do you think?
I guess ’cause they don’t really know what it is and don’t go through it, but the girls do, so then you would most feel comfortable talking about it with a girl.
Yeah. So, it’s not that you are worried about how boys would react—
Yeah.
—particularly, but it’s more just that shared experience?
Yeah.
Yeah, OK. And what about at home: do you talk about your periods at home?
Yeah, I guess if I need to.
And what sort of things would make you need to?
Like if I have cramps, and paracetamol and a hot water bottle, or something.
OK. But otherwise not something... And were... and would you talk about it with anyone in your family, or do you pick a... pick who you...?
Yeah.
Is there someone you tend to talk to?
Yeah, just my mum.
Your mum, OK. And would you talk to your dad if...?
Yeah, if I needed to.
It had been especially hard for some to talk about periods when they first got them. Bella Z, Hannah X, Hannah and others found it got easier with time and as they got older. Talking about periods before their friends had started them yet could be particularly difficult. Once April’s friends also started to get their periods, she could share her experience with them – though “now that we’re all like this age, we’re just like we don’t really mention it a lot, we’re just kind of like know that well we’re at that age now, you know, and it’s like everyone probably has it”.
Willow read about hiding your period before she had started with hers. This seemed a bit weird, until she started her periods and realised how “private” it made her feel (read by an actor).
Willow read about hiding your period before she had started with hers. This seemed a bit weird, until she started her periods and realised how “private” it made her feel (read by an actor).
The first thing that... about reading the book, ’cause I read it before I had my period, was that people hide it, like the... that that’s one of the first things I read, and it had like a load of things that people said when they didn’t wanna actually like say, “Oh, I had my period,” they’d say like “oh, it’s a visit from Aunty Flo” or “stuck in red traffic.”
Mm. What did you think about that?
I felt that was a bit weird at first, but now I understand it more.
OK. Because...?
Because now I understand how private you feel about it and like you don’t wanna tell everyone: “Oh, I have my period, there’s blood everywhere,” or something.
There were times when young people hadn’t chosen to talk about their period, but their symptoms had been visible to others. This included when period blood had leaked through clothes, or struggling with period pain. This could be uncomfortable, and Abi said she “was never embarrassed to talk about my period, but I was embarrassed to be in so much pain because of it”.
Talking about periods and period pain to get help and support
It could feel easier to mention periods when young people wanted to let others know they were feeling unwell, were in pain, or needed something (like pads, pain relief or a hot water bottle). Lucia will talk about her periods at home with her mum “if I need to” for these reasons.
Seeking emotional support and practical advice from family and friends was an important reason. This included suggestions on how to help manage period pain or bleeding, sharing personal experiences, and giving comfort and sympathy.
While she wouldn’t go out of her way to discuss periods, Iris will talk about them if there is a focus or reason for the conversation (read by an actor).
While she wouldn’t go out of her way to discuss periods, Iris will talk about them if there is a focus or reason for the conversation (read by an actor).
Do you talk to your friends much about periods? Or I think you said it was more practical about pads and toilets and when you go?—
I think... I mean I think in general, actually, I think me and my friends were... are quite relaxed about it. I don’t think it’s one of those things which we try and avoid in the topic of conversation or try and go out of our way to talk about it. I think it’s one of those things which is... which seems quite natural like: “[sighs] I’m on my period, can we quickly pop to the bathrooms?” or, “oh, I’ve really bad period cramps,” or... I mean or something like that, I think it’s seen... seen as very normal. So, we definitely would... definitely would talk about them a little bit, but not... not loads.
Got it. So, you’d talk about them when there was kind of focus to the conversation?
Oh, yeah, I mean, oh, yeah, definitely.—
Like you needed to go to the bathroom or you needed...?
Yeah. But it... I mean I think... I don’t think we would go out of our way to talk about them, but I don’t think we would shy away from the fact that we do have periods, and I think we all... we all quite relaxed about it really, yeah.
And would that be girls and boys or would it tend to be more girls?
I think most of my closer friends are girls, but I... I wouldn’t particularly feel super-duper comfortable about talking to a guy about it. But I mean I do have close friends who are guys, but I wouldn’t really talk to them about my periods; I think I’d feel a little bit uncomfortable with that.
OK. Do you have any thoughts on why it might feel a little bit more uncomfortable or just...?
I... I think I’d feel fine talking about them, but I think I would worry about the way that they would act about it ’cause I don’t think they would... I don’t think their parent would probably tell them how to act when a girl talks to you about their period. I think... I think they... I don’t think they... to me I don’t think they know much about it and I think they’d maybe like blush a little bit or like turn around on the floor, so I don’t think it would really be super-duper effective to do it like that.
Or comfortable for you.
Yeah.
OK. And I guess you’re mostly having those conversations around practical things?
Oh, yeah, more practical things, yeah.
For those who felt uncomfortable talking about their periods and period pain, or whose friends and family around them weren’t open to it, it could be hard to make sense of symptoms. This included missing out on opportunities to compare experiences with others. For Zaynah, periods “weren’t talked about at all like amongst like anyone, like friends, family, whatever, so I don’t think it was a thing of like you could go round and ask people for help or like flag something [as a possible problem]”.
Jayden thinks people often don’t talk about periods or share their experiences, making it hard to find people to relate to or find helpful advice.
Jayden thinks people often don’t talk about periods or share their experiences, making it hard to find people to relate to or find helpful advice.
I don’t think it’s something that really gets spoken about, really. Yeah, like... like I said, like when it was like in school, the whole topic, it was just like being like tiptoed around, unless it was like biology lesson and you have to do about the reproductive system and, you know, you talk about that a little bit more in depth, but when it came to like that one day that we had where it was meant to be something insightful, it just left people probably confused, or just no better off, because people didn’t wanna say the terminology. People didn’t wanna explain more in depth or even talk about different personal experience ’cause it just feels like a little bit too invasive. And I think, yeah, the... the... of... well, people... people know that is just a stigma against it, it’s something that it’s like: ‘oh, you... you don’t talk about that, it’s a private issue,’ but that... that that’s not helpful for people that need advice because, you know, it’s like a: ‘oh, well.’ Like I say, I don’t know anybody who has had the exact same experience as me, but there potentially could be, but people don’t wanna talk about it. And then it’s like, they could have something that is actually helpful, but I’m not gonna know.
Difficult health symptoms– including heavy bleeding, pain making it harder to do or enjoy normal everyday activities, fainting and vomiting – were all examples when talking about periods was felt to be important and necessary. Reham thinks that “if someone’s experiencing really bad health... like health effects because of the periods, I feel like then that’s the best of time to like tell people about it”.
Rosie grew up with an expectation of keeping periods hidden. She thinks it is important to talk about them because of the difficulties they cause her.
Rosie grew up with an expectation of keeping periods hidden. She thinks it is important to talk about them because of the difficulties they cause her.
But... Yeah, I guess with my Mum, she’s always felt like it’s something you need to keep to yourself. But she grew up with three sisters and her Mum, and her Dad was the only man in the house, so I don’t understand why she feels like that anymore. But my house now is two boys and two girls. And I just think if it’s something we’re subject to and we have to go through it, and it’s horrible, I feel like we have bragging rights and that we should just be allowed to say whatever. And I will always say that I’m on my period or I’m... you know, I’ve got cramps, or I’m gonna start my period soon, to my Dad, and it’s not sort of like a crazy thing and I’m not treated sort of like I should be quiet about it. But I feel like the only reason they think that is because I’ve earned it because of how bad my periods are. So maybe it’s different.
Lucia hoped that talking about periods could help highlight them as ‘normal’ and reduce the social difficulties around discussing period pain. Scarlett also felt period conversations “should be really normalised ’cause 50 percent of the population has them”.
Ivy thinks that across society, people should speak more about their periods and period pain, so that people can compare symptoms and talk about how they are feeling.
Ivy thinks that across society, people should speak more about their periods and period pain, so that people can compare symptoms and talk about how they are feeling.
Can you tell me what your... what... yeah, can you tell me a bit more about what you notice with that and like where you think it’s taboo, or how you think that happens?
Yeah, so I think we... we just don’t talk about periods enough. We don’t compare our experiences. We don’t say how we’re feeling. We’re told to use menstrual products and get on with it. We’re told that like, you know, we shouldn’t be resting more, we should just get up and deal with our period. We should be doing exercise to sort it rather than medication, and actually allowing our bodies to rest. I do understand some exercises like swimming and yoga can often help, but... yeah.
OK. But we’re not maybe gonna be wanting to—
We’re not gonna be wanting to do that.
—wear... wanting to wear shorts and play tennis
Exactly, so it’s just a lot of it’s like unrealistic. And I just think it’s... I think as a society, we just don’t talk about our personal issues enough and we don’t... I think we need to start speaking more about period pains and our symptoms and comparing how we’re feeling and our individual experiences with that.
Talking to friends and peer reactions
Many young people we talked to were concerned about how their peers might react if they talked to them about periods. Many had found talking about it had helped and experienced supportive responses. Other times, mean comments or responses had been made. The fear that this might happen could also stop young people from feeling able to talk about their periods or aspects like pain.
Some young people said they felt more comfortable talking about periods with female friends, as well as female family members and teachers. They expected that others with their own experience of periods would better understand it and have access to practical things, like period products or pain relief.
Many preferred not to speak about periods in front of male friends and peers or actively avoided it. Some felt that talking about periods might be awkward, or not useful, or the topic wouldn’t naturally come up. Iris would feel “quite uncomfortable” talking to boys about her period and said “it would be quite hard to start doing so”.
There were also worries about mean comments and behaviour. Reham explained: “in primary school, kids are just horrible. …if any of the guys found out, I was scared that... and like some of them would carry it on for... for the rest of their life and have to be called... oh, I don’t know, “bloody Reham’”. Eve said that “[the boys at school] hadn’t been taught about this, so I don’t think they’d understand or, yeah, they might be a bit annoying about it… and might, like, just tease, maybe, ’cause they don’t know what it is like”. Mia would be “cautious not to say anything” because she thought boys would “make a joke about it and it’s like they don’t really know what it’s like”.
Bella Z prefers not to talk about periods with male friends because she thinks they might not understand without personal experience, so it wouldn’t really help.
Bella Z prefers not to talk about periods with male friends because she thinks they might not understand without personal experience, so it wouldn’t really help.
Yeah, mixed school. I wouldn’t talk about it with male friends. Like I... I think it’s... like, I don’t know. I think... you see some stuff, like not personally with my friends, but there are some people like online that would say... or like you hear people saying... or like: “That’s gross.” Like do you... they don’t... I just don’t think they understand it the same way, obviously, if you’re experiencing it, so I... like they can’t really do much to help or anything, so... and I wouldn’t really feel comfortable talking about it with them.
Elsa, Eidra and Bella were happy to talk about periods and period pain with their male friends or when they are in a mixed sex social group. Lola will talk with her “two friends who are guys, that I’ll mention it to, and that’s just ’cause I’ve known them for so long and they kind of... they’ll catch on to the fact that I got them [periods] very badly”. Eidra will talk about her periods “in front of my male friends” but notices that “they’re not as like chatty about it” as her female friends. Elsa noticed similar: “it was a conversation that they probably heard, but they didn’t really participate with since they... you know, like they... it wasn’t sort of shared”.
Sarenna doesn’t mind talking about periods and period pain in front of her male friends and, in her experience, they don’t make it feel awkward.
Sarenna doesn’t mind talking about periods and period pain in front of her male friends and, in her experience, they don’t make it feel awkward.
Do you have any kinda thoughts on talking about periods or... or whether they’re... so like are there people you wanna talk about it with, or people you might not?
I mean I don’t really mind talking about them. Like a lot of... with my friends and stuff, like to be honest with mostly girls, like everyone’s pretty like kind of open about it. Like you’re not... like you wouldn’t talk to it about... with someone that you don’t really know, and stuff like that, but with... with our friends like we... we all do talk about it, and stuff like that. And then like ’cause like even sometimes like we’ll ask each other for like a pad, or something like that, so then we all like just... ’cause like we all... even some of them who haven’t even started yet, like they all know what... they all know what happens, and everything, so like everyone just talks about it. And then, even sometimes, like because obviously some... we’re all friends with some of the boys, and stuff like that as well, like it’s not... we don’t feel like weird talking about it in front of them, and stuff like that, because a lot of the time it’s just like... they... they don’t really... like they’re not gonna say much... they’re... they’re not gonna be able to do much, but they’ll just be like: “Oh, right, yeah, OK,” but they don’t say anything thingy about it, so like it’s all right.
OK, so they... they... they kinda just take it?
Yeah.
OK, so you’re happy to talk about it with your friends and like including boys and girls and just... you know?
Yeah.
But it sounds like in quite a practical way and with the people that you know well?
Yeah. I wouldn’t talk about it with someone like I don’t know. Like with my close friends and stuff, like we’ll just talk about it. Like we’ll... we’ll be whinging to each other, or something like: “Oh, my cramps really hurt,” or something like that, and we’ll just end up talking about like random stuff, but then obviously if we’re with other people, like it would just... it’s just like: “Oh, my stomach’s hurting,” or something like... that you just change it, but... yeah.
Sometimes people felt more comfortable talking about periods than their friends. Ivy has friends who are “not so open about talking about it”, and some of Jade’s are “not up for the conversation”. Jian didn’t mind talking about periods in front of boys, but noticed after moving to university that some of her new friends found this uncomfortable: “they were just really taken aback… the girl was more just a bit more empathetic; where... whereas the male was a bit more... just a bit stunned that the conversation had, like, yeah, come up”.
Sage has always felt comfortable talking about periods with anyone, but has learned from the reactions of her peers and friends that this is not the case for everyone.
Sage has always felt comfortable talking about periods with anyone, but has learned from the reactions of her peers and friends that this is not the case for everyone.
For me, personally, I think it’s to do with how I grew up ’cause like my Mum... so for me, it was kind of normal. Like I would bring it up in random conversations and sometimes like I would get shushed, and I was like: “What... what do you mean?” and they’re like: “Oh, there’s like a boy walking by,” I was like: “OK, so?” So sometimes I would find it awkward, but only ’cause other people made it awkward.
Yeah, and I think that is a really... that’s a really interesting observation. So, at home you’d learnt that it was fi... that you’d had this really open space—
Yeah.
—but then when you went out into the wider world...?
Yeah. And there’s like the whole... it’s like really taboo when talking like to boys specifically, and it’s like at home like I’m... I’ll yell in the bathroom and I’ll be like: “Pappy,” ’cause that’s what I call my dad, and like: “Pappy, we’re out of pads, go to the store.” Like it was just... and also ’cause like he’s like the only male in the house, like it’s all... we’re all girls. So like to me it never seemed like something that should be awkward with guys, but I feel like maybe I’m a bit more awkward with it now, just ’cause like my friends have always been really awkward about it.
Yeah. So, it’s almost something that you’ve kind of learnt or developed through watching other people’s reactions?
Yeah.
OK. And you think... and in boys in particular?
Yeah, it’s always about the boys.
Preferences when talking to teachers about periods
Talking to female teachers was sometimes preferred over male teachers. For Bella Z, this was because she thought male teachers “don’t really know much about it”. Rosie said that she was “not really bothered” about talking to female teachers “’cause obviously they know”. Reham will “try to stay away from male teachers when it comes to, like, periods and all that, ’cause I don’t think they’ll really relate, and it’ll be awkward”. Emily Z is wary, explaining that “with male teachers, I feel like it can be a taboo. Like, for example, I... I definitely had needed to go to like the toilet one time, and like a male... a male teacher has been like... like: “Sorry, you can’t””.
However, there wasn’t always an option to choose to speak to a female teacher, for example if there was a period problem in a lesson with a male teacher. Candice said that even if she was having problems with leaking, “if it’s like a male teacher, I won’t really be able to speak about it”.
Ela is happy talking to female teachers, because she thinks they might have their own experience and understanding of periods, but would not want to talk to a male teacher.
Ela is happy talking to female teachers, because she thinks they might have their own experience and understanding of periods, but would not want to talk to a male teacher.
Female teachers, yeah. I think it’s just all about people’s experience themselves. Like I would be comfortable talking to any... you know, any woman because they’ve probably experienced really similar, and maybe worse, and everyone has sort of their own opinions and stories and experiences. A male teacher: probably not. I’ve seen people, you know, say to male teachers: “Oh, if you don’t let me go to the toilet, I’ll bleed all over your chair,” huh, which I don’t think I could ever do. There was one time where I did leave the classroom for a period-related issue, and I came back and I did have to say it was like it’s a woman thing, but it is just uncomfortable talking to male teachers in my opinion. But maybe not so much boys in my year because they’re still our age and they’re still changing too, so I think they sort... it’s... I don’t know exactly what it is, maybe it’s just psychological like I feel I can... can answer their questions because they don’t exactly know; whereas, you know, older people, they’ve been around long enough to know, so it’s not like they’re hearing anything new, so maybe that’s why it’s different.
Other young people, like Willow Z, had experiences of male teachers being responsive and supportive. In Emily Z’s experience, the assumption that female teachers would automatically be understanding about period pain was also not always the case.
Sarenna says that, in her experience, male teachers have been supportive and understanding when she has talked to them about periods and period pain.
Sarenna says that, in her experience, male teachers have been supportive and understanding when she has talked to them about periods and period pain.
Yeah. No, I think... I don’t think you really talk to them too much about it, like it’s more just... Like if obviously... like more if it’s like a fe... like a girl, or something, like a female or something like that, sometimes if you’re like... if your teacher’s like there, or something, and then that you don’t feel... or like even if you have to ask to go to school nurse, and stuff, and you just say like: “Oh, I’ve got cramps,” or something like that, and even like... even the male teachers in the school actually are... like they’re pretty understanding. Like the male teachers seem to be more understanding than the female ones though to be honest, because like when you go, and stuff, and like when you say, “Oh, can I go to the school nurse,” or something, “so I can get like a note?” or something like that, they’ll... a lot of the male teachers will let you go, but I don’t know if that’s more because they don’t like know, ’cause they... they don’t... and they’re not gonna say no because obviously they don’t know what it’s like, so then... but I think a lot of the female teachers do say no, but then, I don’t... they don’t really know how much it hurts either, so it just depends.
For Sage, talking to any teacher could feel difficult, regardless of their sex, because “they’re authority figures, so I feel like a bit nervous talking to them in general, just ’cause I’m like: ‘what if they don’t care what I have to say?’”.
Speaking to relatives about periods and period pain
There was a range of experiences and views on talking about periods with male family members. Some, like Emily Z and Sage, felt happy to speak with male relatives, while others didn’t feel as able to do this. Ela said that although talking to her dad about periods is “not a weird conversation”, she’s “just not as comfortable as I am talking to my mum about it”. Scarlett, Lily and Anayaa explained that, in their families, there was an expectation that periods would not be talked about in front of male relatives. For Scarlett, “my dad usually gets very uncomfortable whenever we try to talk about stuff like that”.
Some thought willingness to discuss periods might vary depending on the generation of the relative. For Anayaa, it could be harder to talk with older relatives, whereas Rahma found it a bit easier: “I think I just go off the assumption that they’re... they might be a bit too old to be judgemental, and if they are, it’s more of their problem rather than mine, and more embarrassing for them to be judgemental about it at their old age, you know?”.
Bella is happy to talk about her periods when she is at home in England, but alters what she says when she travels to her extended family because of different expectations there.
Bella is happy to talk about her periods when she is at home in England, but alters what she says when she travels to her extended family because of different expectations there.
You know, I for example, if I was at home, in England, and I wanted to go to the toilet and I had my period, they’ll like: “Oh, why are you in there?” I’m like: “I’m changing with my pad, give me a second,” but if I was back home I... I couldn’t say something like that. I couldn’t even say that I was... I couldn’t even whisper the words, you know?
Uh-huh.
It’s kind of like: ‘don’t say that in front of men, it’s unladylike, it’s private.’
Other people talked to about periods
Talking about periods and period pain at work was a consideration for those with jobs.
Jade works as a waitress. If she is working with male colleagues, she finds it difficult to talk about her period pain, which can make it harder to manage her shifts and pain relief.
Jade works as a waitress. If she is working with male colleagues, she finds it difficult to talk about her period pain, which can make it harder to manage her shifts and pain relief.
Yeah. So how long would the ibuprofen help you for?
For the first three or four hours of the shift, I’m feeling breezy, and it’s fine, but then it slowly, it’s like: “Ooh, guys, I don’t know if I can handle this much longer,” but... yeah. If my friends are working, I say it, but I don’t say it to anyone else; I keep it to myself.
OK. And so, if you were on shift with one of your friends, you’d be able to say, “Oh my, this is grim”?
Yeah.
But if you were on with people you didn’t know as well?
I just keep it to myself.
OK. What about kinda managers or... or supervisors?
I don’t really tell them anything.
Mm, OK, OK. Do... do you know... have any kinda thoughts on why or what... what might make you not think about telling them?
’cause most of them are men and it’s just like: ‘ouu, guys, this is awkward.’
Yeah.
So... yeah.
OK. And that’s really interesting. So, do you have a kinda sense that it... that... that it might be a little bit awkward talking to men?
Yeah.
Have you ever tried?
Not really.
OK.
I’ve had friends who have tried in like school, and stuff, and it’s just, doesn’t sound very fun.
For Bella, Ela, and Lily, social media or period tracking app chat functions were places where they felt able to talk or ask questions about periods and period pain, in part because it was ‘anonymous’ or ‘private’. Others, like Yvette, found that social media could be a judgemental space. You can find out more here on experiences of finding information online.
Copyright © 2024 University of Oxford. All rights reserved.