Young people's experiences of periods and period pain
Starting periods and early experiences
- Where it happened
- Feelings about starting periods as a sign of ‘growing up’
- Fears or confusion about what was happening
- Early experiences of periods
- When it happened, comparison with friends
Where it happened
We asked the young people we spoke with about what starting periods had been like for them. When we talked to them, some had started their periods in the last few months and others had been having periods for some time.
Whatever the specific details of starting periods were like, many saw it as a significant event. Sometimes this was because of how other people reacted. Jian explained how when she started her period, she didn’t ‘think of it as like a big deal, I don’t think, considering I already had an older sister who was already going through it’. She told her mum who ‘gave me a pad, I went off to school, I came back and she got me a watch as a present for getting my period’. Others, like Eve felt like it was not necessary to treat it as a major event, and felt ‘I mean not happy, but just like more calm, like it’s fine, I’m not really... I don’t really need to make that much of a deal about it.’
Rosie was 11 years old when she started her period. She was grateful that her mum (a nurse) was prepared with supplies at home for her and regarded it as normal and ‘not a big deal’.
Rosie was 11 years old when she started her period. She was grateful that her mum (a nurse) was prepared with supplies at home for her and regarded it as normal and ‘not a big deal’.
I got my period when I was 11, which was younger than the girls around me, and I was one of the first of my friends. But obviously, there were girls in my year who’d like had it for a long time. So, I was kind of in the middle of it, and it was kind of average when I started, so it wasn’t like I had no idea what they were, I did. And then... well, I’d been out with my dad at this sort of like show thing, and I came home and it was quite late at night and I’d started my period while I was there and not noticed, so I just told my mum, and she was like: “OK.” And she had bought me already just like you know the Lillets, like little teenage pads. So, she’d bought me some of them, so I just had them in my cupboard, and I just put one in and went to sleep. It was sort of like not a big deal, like not a coming-of-age moment, I just sort of like went to bed, so... I think with my mum being a nurse, definitely, it was sort of not a massive thing; she just treated it like it was normal. And I am grateful for that because it would have been like scary otherwise.
Where people were when their period bleeding started could make a difference. Those who started period bleeding at home said that getting advice and products was usually straightforward, especially if they lived with their mum or had older sisters. Willow Z and Jade told us about starting their periods while they were at home during the national lockdown because of the COVID-19 pandemic. This meant they could get used to managing their periods without having to go to school. Jade said, ‘liked it, I thought it was a calm place to be’ and ‘easier than having to be in school’.
Young people who were away from home, or who didn’t have immediate access to period products when their period started described it as a bit more complicated or stressful. Bella was ‘staying with just my dad, and only my dad, so there was no sanitary products when I first got my period, so I had to go like: “Dad, I’ve got my period,” and go back to my mum’s.’ Yvette was living with her grandparents for the first year after her periods had started. She didn’t tell them this had happened and used her lunch money to buy period products. Her best friend was an important source of support during this time. When she moved to live with her mother a year later this helped her feel ‘happy’ about her periods.
Mia started her first period on a school residential which she said was a ‘bit awful’ and that ‘it wasn’t really what I had imagined for the first time’. Her mum had anticipated this possibility, so she ‘had like a few, stuff in my bag, which mummy had given me’, and was supported by her friends and teachers. Anayaa had her first period at school and was given ‘a starter pack ’cause they thought it was my first time, but I just... I wasn’t prepared for it, so I didn’t have a pad on at that time’.
Sometimes the first bleed was heavy or leaked through clothing. Ivy was at a wedding and wearing a white dress; her mum noticed the stain. She was given a pad, which she wasn’t sure how to use. All round, she remembers the experience as ‘so mortifying’.
Candice started her periods after a lot of her friends, and has turned to them for information. She feels comfortable talking with her family, but thinks this might not be the case for everyone (read by an actor).
Candice started her periods after a lot of her friends, and has turned to them for information. She feels comfortable talking with her family, but thinks this might not be the case for everyone (read by an actor).
Most of my friends hit it way before me, so like if there was something wrong, I’d just go to them and I’d say, “Oh, do you have this? What do I do with this?” Like a lot of them like knew I had problems before like it even reached my family, but my family reached it quite quick, and I could easily talk to them. It was fine. But I feel like I’m blessed to have that, but a lot of other people, like till this day when I speak to them, like they’ll have a lot of problems and they’re telling me about it, but like they’re too scared to tell their families back home, or an adult.
Feelings about periods as a sign of growing up
Some said that they had looked forward to starting their period because they had heard that getting your period meant you were growing up or becoming a woman. Rosie said that the girls who started their periods at primary school seemed mysterious and ‘cooler than everyone else’, making it seem desirable and exciting. Iris said that she ‘had felt embarrassingly quite grown up’ initially, but then ‘started to get quite sick of them ’cause they did end up impacting my daily life a lot.’
Liv started her periods when she was 10. She recalls hearing how periods meant becoming a woman and something to look forward to, but this didn’t tally with her experience when she started.
Liv started her periods when she was 10. She recalls hearing how periods meant becoming a woman and something to look forward to, but this didn’t tally with her experience when she started.
I think it was... I don’t think it would have been as bad if I w... if I wasn’t so young, but I was... I was 10, and even though mum was eight when she got her period, and I was... I was a bit older, still seemed that... seemed something and feeling not right at 10, and not being able to really talk to anyone about... anyone about it, it was... it was, yeah, it didn’t feel very nice.
No, and I’m... I’m... yeah, I can... I can, I really hear.
Yeah.
And, so you started your period before the per... the period talk.
Yeah.
But had you known about periods from—?
Yes, I’ve grown up with it, and from... from my family and from being told you’re gonna get this when you’re older, and I think at school they’d kind of said to the older girls, like: “It’s when you become a woman, and it’s like something you should look forward to,” and then getting a period and being like: ‘I don’t...’ like, you don’t want it, ‘I... I wanna go back, I don’t want it anymore, I don’t wanna be a woman, I wanna be young again and not have my period.’ But yeah, it... yeah, the period talk didn’t really do much other than let me know that everyone else had their period as well.
Yeah, so actually that’s one of the things that I’m really interested in hearing about. Well, I’m interested in all of it, but those... the experience of thinking about what you’ve learnt and how that then translated into the reality of having periods, I think, I’ve been hearing quite a lot about that.
Yeah.
So can you re... so your recollection of that talk was that... that they... there was this kinda story that it was becoming a woman—
Yeah.
—and something to look forward?
Yeah, I think that’s ridiculous.
And was that a sense that you had amongst your friends, that it was gonna be cool, and who was gonna get their...?
Everyone got really excited when they got their periods for the first time. And I didn’t... when I got to secondary school, some of my friends still hadn’t got their period, and I didn’t... ev... they’d ask me about: “Like, what... what’s a period like? Like... like what’s it like?” and I... I couldn’t tell them because it’d scare them and I didn’t want to make them feel like that when they were waiting to get it, like everyone else was, and... yeah. But quite a lot of us got it in primary school, and it was kind of a thing, like a very exciting thing, like: ‘ooh, I can tell my friends that I got my period now.’
Jayden found his first period bleeding ‘scary’ because he didn’t know what was happening. Knowing he was trans he was also distressed about this sign that puberty was starting.
Jayden found his first period bleeding ‘scary’ because he didn’t know what was happening. Knowing he was trans he was also distressed about this sign that puberty was starting.
It was weird ’cause it wasn’t... I mean at that point in time, there wasn’t like any talk about it because I was probably like on the younger end of when people were probably like expecting them, so yeah, and I mean I didn’t really know what... what was happening. And it was distressing as well, ’cause like, well, with being like trans, it was just something that I didn’t really want to happen. Like I already knew at that point that I was trans, so like, yeah, it was just mi... well yeah, mixed feelings about it. But honestly, like with not having any talks about it, it... it was quite scary, like I thought I was like dying or something like that. And then like, I don’t know, ’cause something happened to come up like with like... like my mum or like something like on the TV, and she had a conversation about it, and that’s when I was like: ‘oh, yeah, by the way, like that makes sense then.’ Yeah, so it... it was a little bit scary considering like I didn’t know what was happening.
Yeah. So... so your first period came before you’d had like the talks at school or anything like that?
Yeah.
And so, can you remember what you did or how you made sense of it? Did you tell anyone?
No, not for a couple of days, ’cause I was like: ‘oh, maybe it’s just something.’ But yeah, but... yeah, like I... like I say, I... I didn’t tell anyone ’cause I didn’t really know what... what it was until potentially something like will just pass, but then... and it was like a few days. And then, like I said, the conversation came up like with my mum, and that’s like... that’s like when I told her. But then I didn’t... at the same time I didn’t really want to tell her ’cause I didn’t... it was kind of like I’m in denial sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, that... that... yeah, and pretty much it.
Yeah. And you said... you said it felt quite scary?
Yeah, just ’cause it was like really... like I said, it was almost like really, really like heavy, so it was like a lot... like... like I was bleeding like quite a lot, so... And you know I was never... I had often not had anything like that before, not even like a cut that’s bled that bad, so it was something that was a little bit scary, yeah, seeing that much.
Yeah. And you said that for you, it was something that was a bit dis... you were a bit disappointing and it was a bit hard to start because of where you were at.
Yeah. And so, what was the last bit, sorry?
Because of where you were... were... because of how you were feeling where you were at.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did... I did think it was like a bit difficult, and I did, once like... and kind of like my mum was like: “Yeah, definitely, it is like, you’ve started like puberty then.” And I did cry a bit ’cause I was just like: ‘I don’t want to.’
Fears or confusion about what was happening
For some of the people we talked with the start of periods could feel frightening or a bit overwhelming. April felt it was a ‘lot to like get my head round’. She ‘was kind of like slightly overwhelmed and then I took the day off school just to like get used to it, and then obviously back to school the next day, and I wasn’t really that bothered by it.’
Bella was so stressed when she started that she vomited. While she initially thought having your period meant you couldn’t do anything, she then learned that this was not the case.
Bella was so stressed when she started that she vomited. While she initially thought having your period meant you couldn’t do anything, she then learned that this was not the case.
Huh, I don’t really think I had much of an idea because when I first got my period, I got so stressed that I actually puked—
Ahh.
—and I went back into bed and it was like: ‘I’m just gonna forget, this is a dream,’ and ’cause I thought that I wouldn’t be... really be able to function.
Yeah.
’cause I wasn’t really taught too much about it, I had quite a religious upbringing, so it... My mum always educated me, I remember she told me when I was around eight what a period was, but I don’t really know they’d be like because I hadn’t experienced them. So, I had the basic training in school, like the basic sort of thing, and yeah, so then I got my period and I thought, ‘I won’t be able to do anything again, no, no sports, nothing,’ but... and then I realised you can function on your period, but...
What (and whether) young people knew about periods before they started affected their early experiences. Some of the young people we spoke to had not heard of periods before they started theirs. This could make experiencing the first period ‘scary’ (Jayden), ‘weird’ (Rahma) or ‘confusing’ (Zaynah).
Rahma hadn’t heard of periods before she started and thought she had been bitten by a fish whilst swimming when she first saw blood on her pants, until her mother realised and explained (read by an actor).
Rahma hadn’t heard of periods before she started and thought she had been bitten by a fish whilst swimming when she first saw blood on her pants, until her mother realised and explained (read by an actor).
Mm. I was sort of more on the average side, ’cause I think, I could be wrong, but I think a lot of girls’ periods start when they’re 11, 12, like average, on average: mine started when I was 12 on the dot. So, for me, I think I had a unique experience in that I hadn’t learnt about it before I had my period, so I had no idea it existed. I had absolutely no idea. So, I think when I first got it, I thought I got bitten by a fish, because I was swimming a lot, so I thought, ‘oh, did I get hurt down there?’ But I think later on my mum realised, OK... she looked at the stain and she was like: “OK, you’ve got your period.” And I think my reaction to it’s very negative. I sort of thought it was gross, and I thought it was not the best, and I thought it was weird. And I think a lot of it was because I didn’t know about it. So, not the best.
OK. No, I’m—
But I didn’t have a lot of pain, actually. I think, for me, it was very painless. It was just a lot of blood. That was it.
Mm, OK. Yeah, I’m sorry, that... and that does sound like quite a difficult way to start.
Yeah.
Had... had there been lessons in school and you hadn’t been to them, or had there not really been anything?
I just... there were no lessons. I did go to them, but it happened afterwards. So then at that point when we were being taught, I was like: ‘yeah, I know what it is, I have it,’ you know?
School was an important place where young people, like Lucia, first learned about periods. [See Learning about periods and period pain in school]. However, like for Rahma, sometimes young people had started their periods before the lesson in school had happened. Zaynah hadn’t heard of periods before she started bleeding and ‘hadn’t been taught it at school yet, so when it like appeared on my underwear, I was a bit like: ‘why is there blood, what is this?’ So, I think from that point, from the beginning, it was a bit confusing.’
Reham happened to start her first period on the day that school taught them about menstruation. This was the first time she heard of periods and she ‘put so many questions in the question box’.
Reham happened to start her first period on the day that school taught them about menstruation. This was the first time she heard of periods and she ‘put so many questions in the question box’.
The first time I ever had my period I was like Year 6, around maybe 10, maybe even nine, ’cause I was a bit early, and that exact day that I got it was actually a day that we were... like the classroom was split: the girls were in one room and we were all taught about it, so it just came on the perfect day, I guess. But I didn’t feel it at all the first few months, but then it started getting really painful the more like time I had it.
That’s interesting. Your period literally started on the day that you got—
That I was having one.
And had you heard about periods before that point, or was that the first day you heard about them as well?
It was the first day I ever heard about it. I remember the teacher would ask... would tell us: “Oh, if you’d like you can ask questions about it:” I put so many questions in the ans... in the question box; I was so confused. But...
OK. So, before the lesson at school, and it sounds like you... and so def... and still at primary school?
Yeah.
And before that lesson, periods weren’t something that you’d heard talked about or that you knew about particularly?
No, not at all.
Sarenna and Willow had both learned about periods at home before they started. Willow had read books about puberty and periods with her mother, so when she started her period, she didn’t ‘think I was scared when I got it, but that’s only because I knew what it was.’ She knew this wasn’t the case for everyone and would ‘feel bad for anyone that happens to.’ [See Learning about periods: Finding information beyond school lessons]
Sarenna was a bit surprised when her period started, but it ‘wasn’t that bad’ because she had heard about them before at school and from her parents and friends.
Sarenna was a bit surprised when her period started, but it ‘wasn’t that bad’ because she had heard about them before at school and from her parents and friends.
Yeah. So, I think when they first started it was in... so I was 12, I think, so I think it was just when I was in Year 7, or something like that. And then, I don’t know, ’cause I was gonna say, I was like I wasn’t expecting it to come, so it was kinda just a surprise, or something like that, but like it wasn’t that bad, ’cause like I knew about them already, like I... like ’cause like my parents had talked to me and then like even at school they’d told us a few things, and stuff like that, and then ’cause of my friends and everything, like, ’cause some of them had already started and stuff, like we just ended up talking about it already, so it wasn’t too bad, but yeah,—
So were you...—
—but that’s when it started.
—were you at home or at school when it started, can you remember?
I think I was at home, but it was like in the morning right before I went to school, so it was just like... it was a bit... yeah.
Early experiences of periods
Even when young people had some knowledge about periods, the reality of starting didn’t always match up to what they had expected. Knowing what was normal or not could be difficult and something that was worked out over time. [See: Learning about periods and period pain through experience].
This included being confused when the blood they first saw was brown and not red. Eidra knew about periods, but was still uncertain about her period starting because although she ‘had a... like the school talks. But I remember when I first got my period, I thought... I thought that I’d like pooed my pants. Like I thought... I didn’t realise it was like... ’cause no-one ever tells you like it’s gonna look like that, like for your first time, so I guess like I didn’t have that level of education.’
Lily knew about periods, but when hers started and looked ‘brownish’ she wasn’t sure what was going on. She asked her friend, who assured her this was a period and gave her some pads.
Lily knew about periods, but when hers started and looked ‘brownish’ she wasn’t sure what was going on. She asked her friend, who assured her this was a period and gave her some pads.
Can you tell me a bit about when your periods started, what they were like then, maybe whether they’ve changed since then, what they’re like now?
I think I started when I was 11 and I just didn’t particularly know what it was at first. I was educated about it, but I just thought like it ... it didn’t really look like a period, you know, it... it looked sort of brownish, so I thought, ‘what’s gone on here?’ And I was with my friend at the time and she had already gotten hers, so I asked her, I said, “What... is... is this my period?” and she said, “Yeah, it’s 100 percent,” I said, “OK.” And she gave me some pads and sort of stuff to keep me going, ’cause we were staying at my Nan’s house. And then that was sort of it.
I was a bit scared to tell my Mum at first ’cause we didn’t have a lot of conversations about sort of periods and stuff. But she sort of... it was more of my Nan, even though I don’t live with her, it’s just she... she got there before my Mum, of course. So, I was a bit scared to tell her, but I... I did, and that’s... we didn’t really talk about it really, we just kind of get on with it.
The amount of blood that came with a period could be different from what was expected. While for many periods were manageable, or reasonably light at the beginning, some people had heavy flows right from the start. Lola recalled how ‘the first couple of times I got my period, the first couple of days were really heavy bleeds, and that was just kind of me going: ‘I think I’m bleeding too much, this is not normal,’ ’cause no... They tell you you’re expected to lose like two tablespoons, but they don’t tell you that that could be in very large amounts and then in a couple of little drizzles, they kind of just tell you: “It’ll be two tablespoons across five days,” and you think, ‘oh, that’s nothing, that’s no amount of blood at all, that’s fine,’ and then it happens and you go: ‘that’s fair... a fair bit actually’’.
Bleeding amounts and patterns could change with time. Emily had an early period that she described as ‘really, really light’. Her periods were initially unpredictable in timing, but while this is settling into a pattern, they are getting heavier: ‘I was quite irregular when I first started, but I’m... I’m getting more into a regular routine now, although sometimes I will be a week late or a week early, but they tend to be quite heavy flows.’ While sometimes periods started out unpredictable or irregular and then became more settled, Jayden and Candice had periods that became or stayed irregular. This was typically not what they had learned to expect about periods at school which could be a bit confusing. [See Learning about periods and period pain at school].
Zaynah had heavy periods from the start that could last for 12-14 days. She initially thought they were just something she would need to get used to, but has learned that this is not the case
Zaynah had heavy periods from the start that could last for 12-14 days. She initially thought they were just something she would need to get used to, but has learned that this is not the case
I’d say my like journey with periods has been very confusing, jumbled, and overwhelming because they started when I was 11, and before that, I didn’t know what a period was. So, I hadn’t been taught it at school yet, so when it like appeared on my underwear, I was a bit like: ‘why is there blood, what is this?’ So I think from that point, from the beginning, it was a bit confusing.
Before my period started, I used to experience pain, and I went to the doctor’s once and she’d asked me what... if I had started my period, and I didn’t know what that was, and then I was too scared to ask my mum what that was, so then obviously when it started, it was a bit confusing.
It was often heavy at the beginning and lasted quite a few days, quite a few days longer than it should have, often about 12 to 14 days. So, I think from... from the beginning it was not right, like it just wasn’t what... what it was supposed to be; it was really heavy. So, from the beg... from the beginning, I was in school, so Year 7, I hadn’t... so it was really heavy and I often had to change my pad within like three hours. And I thought that was normal, and I thought everyone else was experiencing the same thing. I was... yeah, I just thought that I just had to get used to it and, you know, it wasn’t really like that and it was just quite tough to get used to. And then it caused a lot of like issues with like iron and B12 and vitamin D, yeah, things like that; I’m not really sure which ones they link into. And then I think about a year and a half into my... have... having started my period, I ended up in A&E because of low iron levels and I had to have a blood transfusion because of it. Yeah, and then...—
Oh.
—yeah, and then I ended up on tranexamic acid and mefenamic acid for that, and they both worked quite well in the beginning. Because at that point I wasn’t experiencing much pain, but it was just really heavy and just making me really tired and like causing a lot of like fatigue and just... yeah, like it wasn’t very nice. And then I think about two years later, the mefenamic acid kind of started to wear off a bit, like it didn’t work as well anymore.
Most young people used pads or period pants to manage bleeding when their periods first started, but some people, like Ela, chose to start using tampons from their first period. [See Managing period bleeding].
Period pain was another aspect of starting periods that didn’t always match up to what young people had expected. Many of the young people we spoke with told us their early periods were not that painful, although this could change over time. Bella Z recalls that her early periods were not too painful, although they have become more painful as she got older; ‘I’d say like nearer the start, I didn’t have like period pains. And then I’d say but like a bit later on, I then started to get like quite bad period pains.’ However, some people, experienced painful periods from the first time they bled or in the first few cycles. Scarlett had pain from their first period, and said that ‘the flow wasn’t as heavy as I expected it to be, but the cramps were quite unbearable.’
Sometimes young people had pain before their periods started. April said that the ‘only bad pain I’ve had is like before I got it, like it... I think was it the day before’. She realised this was related to starting her period when they started bleeding. Emily started getting pains even ‘before I started my actual period, I used to get like quite bad cramps in my lower stomach every month.’ Zaynah had pain before she started bleeding. She had been to the doctor about this pain and when they asked her about whether she had started her period, she ‘didn’t know what that was, and then I was too scared to ask my mum what that was, so then obviously when it started, it was a bit confusing.’
With time and support, people learned about options for managing periods and period pain, and which worked for them. [See Managing period pain and Managing period bleeding].
Realising that periods were something that would be experienced regularly once they started meant that they could be seen as something people had to ‘learn to handle’ (April), or ‘get used to’ (Sarenna) [see Feelings and emotions during periods and period cycles].
When it happened, comparison with friends
When young people started their periods in relation to their friends and peers could make a difference to how they felt about menstruating. Starting periods before most of their friends felt a bit ‘isolating’ for Liv. River started his periods at primary school and became a source of information for others in his class, ‘When people were just kind of asking me questions, and stuff, just like about puberty in general, they always ask me things like: “Does it hurt?” Like... oh, like: “What do you use, like, pads, tampons?” whatnot, like, stuff like that.’ However, ‘it was only once I got to secondary school where I met other people who had already started their periods, and so then I didn’t feel so weird’ and could ‘just talk to each other about like different experiences’.
Equally, starting your period after many of their friends had could also feel a bit strange. Abi was aware that she ‘was quite late starting, compared to my friends, because I was quite young in my year, so I was like the last one to start out of everyone.’ Support and advice from friends and peers remained an important part of young people’s experiences of periods and period pain through school [see Peer support with managing periods and period pain: ‘You are not alone’].
Being at primary or secondary school when periods started could make a difference to how young people had access to toilets, or products to manage period pain or period bleeding [see Support structures in schools for managing periods and period pain].
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