Young people's experiences of periods and period pain
Reflections on why talking about periods and period pain can be difficult
The young people we talked to had different reflections on why they sometimes found it difficult to talk about periods and period pain. A previous section covered young people’s experiences of talking about periods and period pain, including who they did or did not talk to, including friends, teachers and family. There were different ideas about where beliefs around talking about periods came from, as well as how they were reinforced or challenged. This section covers:
- Beliefs and messages in society suggesting that periods should be kept quiet
- Ideas about periods being ‘embarrassing’ or ‘gross’
- Judgemental attitudes and stereotypes about having periods
- Challenging and resisting negative beliefs around periods
Reham says some people can only “whisper” about periods, which she feels speaks to a bigger issue in society about how girl’s and women’s bodies are ignored.
Reham says some people can only “whisper” about periods, which she feels speaks to a bigger issue in society about how girl’s and women’s bodies are ignored.
Do you have a sense that it is something that’s still sort of kept hidden?
It definitely is. Like whenever I talk... and like even on the internet, and stuff like that, people usually whisper about it, and people don’t really know what they’re doing, and like it’s a big issue, I feel.
I think that’s fas... And how does that make you feel then when people are talking about it in that way and kind of whispering and...?
I feel like it’s just... I won’t ever shame the person that’s doing it ’cause there could be... like I said, the bigger issue as a whole. As a society we need to just be more open and more OK with female bodies ’cause... like some... and it’s something biology that all... most females are gonna have to go through, so why keep it hidden? Like just how we talk about male bodies and how... what they’re going through, let’s give that same attention to females, I think that...
Beliefs and messages in society suggesting that periods should be kept quiet
Many young people felt that there is a message in society that periods, and symptoms like pain and bleeding, shouldn’t be talked about. Sometimes this had been said directly to them – for example, being told by a family member that periods should be hidden away – but other times, this sense felt more like it was coming from society in general. Willow Z thought that periods are “so stigmatised”.
Yvette has noticed that when people make positive statements about periods on social media, the response comments can be critical. She thinks this impacts people’s confidence.
Yvette has noticed that when people make positive statements about periods on social media, the response comments can be critical. She thinks this impacts people’s confidence.
Can you tell me a bit more about what you've noticed about that, or whether that's something you were taught, or you just noticed from watching other people?
Yeah. From what I see around, it's like if someone is talking about things like even on social media, if you see people make any comments about that or talking about their periods in the comment section, there will be like, is there something you need to talk about here? Is there some like they would be telling? It's not something you need to talk about publicly, but it's quite the opposite.
Yeah, that's really interesting. So, so even on social media, if people do talk about it, you've noticed that they get a bit of commentary saying, why are you doing that? You shouldn't be doing that.
Yeah.
And how does that play out? Like in conversations with your friends, do you feel like that make- has an impact?
Yeah. If you know, when the person reads all these comments and then they come to their real life, they will think it's the same way you are going to, like, see it. It is the same way on social media is the same way as real life, where social media is different, even when the person can say that to your face, they wouldn't say it how they said it on social media, you know? Social media is like where people feel empowered that they can say any sort of thing to you, but I think in real life they cannot say that to you. It’s just social media - they are hiding behind an account and they're saying whatever they want to say, but I don't think you are saying it in real life. If someone can tell you that it's normal or anything, yeah.
That's really, really interesting. So, in the space where people could feel most empowered, they are still being criticised?
Yeah.
So, when they- so you think when they come to their real life, they'll be knowing about that?
Yeah.
Have I- have I understood that?
Yes, please.
For Lola and others, the idea that periods should be kept quiet was implied and reinforced in school lessons when the boys and girls were separated to learn about periods: “’cause it meant that they... they were told that it was wrong for them to know about it, and we were told that by separating us, they were told that they didn’t need to know it, and we were told we don’t need to tell them”.
Using code-words to talk about periods and period pain could add to the sense that periods should be kept secret or hidden. Willow explained how “one of the first things I read, and it had like a load of things that people said when they didn’t wanna actually like say, ‘Oh, I had my period,’ they’d say like, ‘Oh, it’s a visit from Aunty Flo’ or ‘Stuck in red traffic’”. Ivy remembered a time in Year 6 when a teacher was “so ashamed to say the word ‘period’, and that’s sort of where the stigma sort of started for me”.
Elsa thinks that using words to avoid saying ‘period’ gives a sense that they are something that shouldn’t really be talked about
Elsa thinks that using words to avoid saying ‘period’ gives a sense that they are something that shouldn’t really be talked about
And do you have any kinda hunch of why that might be, or where the pressures might come from? From just from your observation, having noticed that difference?
Yeah.
’cause that’s really interesting.
Yeah, I think... I don’t know. It’s maybe... maybe because it’s seen as like a... well, it’s not talked about that openly in sort of wider society, or whatever, like unless people... I... I… And also, unless the conversation is about periods or menstruation, people don’t really tend to bring it up.
No.
Like it’s... I... I don’t see it in sort of casual conversation that much. And then maybe also the whole thing of like, it’s like a women’s issue, so like... like sometimes it’s referred to like ‘lady things’, or whatever. So, it’s sort of... so sort of this... maybe they get this idea that you’re not meant to talk about it to men and it’s sort of... Because sort of using euphemisms for it very much sort of makes it feel like it’s... it’s meant to be a secret, or something.
Yeah, I think that’s really true. So, what euphemisms do you come... I like ‘lady things’, that’s... I can’t believe that one’s still doing the rounds. What other ones have you... what other ones have you come across?
I’ve heard some people refer to it as ‘shark week’, which... yeah, or sort of, ‘that time of the month,’ things like that, yeah.
And your sense is that those are still things that you kinda come across fairly... that people use to talk about it?
Kind of, yeah.
Not all the time, but... but they’re definitely still out there
Yeah, definitely.
This message was also felt when periods were disguised in adverts. The use of blue liquid instead of blood in adverts was one example seen to suggest that periods were something to be avoided or hidden. Poppy also thought people with periods were represented in an unrealistic way, which could contribute to feeling uncomfortable if their own experiences were different.
Ideas about periods being ‘embarrassing’ or ‘gross’
A previous section covered how young people sometimes found it more difficult to talk to male friends, family or teachers about periods because they worried that they either wouldn’t understand, would find it awkward, or would say something hurtful. Some, like Bella Z, felt that this was underpinned by a sense of periods being an awkward or embarrassing topic. This could also be a reason why young people were unsure about talking to healthcare professionals about their periods and symptoms like pain.
When Abi fainted during a rehearsal, a teacher whispered that it was because she had period cramp. It was hard to feel they could help, if they “could not even speak about it”.
When Abi fainted during a rehearsal, a teacher whispered that it was because she had period cramp. It was hard to feel they could help, if they “could not even speak about it”.
So did... did you end up having to tell someone? How did people react once you’d... you’d fainted?
Yeah, there was one lady there that... she was friends with my Mum, so I kind of knew her and she was a nurse as well, so she knew what to do, so she gave me... I think she gave me ibuprofen, or something. And then I remember one of the like senior leadership came over and he did not know what to do because he was so uncomfortable talking about it, and you know trying to say down the radio, like: “Oh, she’s got period cramp,” and he was like trying to whisper it, and then they just took... one of them just drove me home, and I just stayed at home.
OK. So... and so he was stage whispering that you had period cramps?
Yeah, he was trying to say it down the... I’d... down the... the walkie-talkie without actually saying the words.
How... how did that make you feel? I guess you were probably a bit busy...
I just... I just... yeah, and I just remember thinking, ‘no one here know...’ like: ‘no one here knows what to do,’ and I just... I was just: ‘I just wanna go home, and if you can’t even speak about it, you’re obviously not gonna be able to help me that much,’ so...
Emily Z, Bella Z and Anayaa had heard others say that periods are “gross”, adding to a sense that they should not be talked about. Though she agreed that period bleeding was “not pleasant”, Emily Z emphasised it as a natural thing that some bodies do: “everyone goes through it, so why should it be so stigmatised and gross? …it’s just so irritating because it’s not like we can help it.”
Young people might avoid conversations about periods because they didn’t want to feel awkward themselves, or make anyone else feel this way. Bella explained how “obviously I don’t wanna cross anyone’s boundaries if they say they don’t wanna talk about it”, but this could also reinforce the sense that it was something to feel awkward about: “that kind of uncomfyness kind of despite the fact you shouldn’t feel it, it spreads off onto you and it makes you feel a bit embarrassed and makes you feel a bit uncomfortable in your own self”.
Embarrassment was a big challenge for some. This included worries about visible leaking of period blood, as Emily recalled: “one of my friends unfortunately leaked and it went all over the chair and she was really, really embarrassed and upset about it, but she didn’t wanna tell anyone because of that embarrassment”.
Some talked about trying to resist these feelings around periods. Eidra thought awkwardness about periods was the other person’s challenge to deal with: “I think if the other person’s feeling uncomfortable, that’s kind of up to them, you know? It’s natural, so, it’s not my fault”.
Ivy thinks that worrying about making other people feel uncomfortable makes it harder to talk openly about periods and period pain.
Ivy thinks that worrying about making other people feel uncomfortable makes it harder to talk openly about periods and period pain.
Yeah. And do you feel like that happens yet or not... not in your experience?
No, so I remember being... amongst friends, I remember us not really having many conversations about it. I probably had one friend who I was sort of comfortable talking about the pain with, and I’ve got a couple of friends in college who I’m sort of open about, because I... I do miss quite a bit of college. I’m missing, you know, two or three days a month because I’m just in bed in unbearable pain. So yeah, I just don’t think we’re speaking enough a... about it.
And what do you think kinda stops people or holds them back?
I think it’s... a lot of it is they don’t realise other people... I don’t know, I feel like especially in Britain, we don’t wanna make other people uncomfortable. So even topics like end of life, which I’ve studied in college, we... we don’t talk about. We don’t talk about our period pains. And especially if you’re in public, talking a... about it in... in a coffee shop in front of men, they’ll... they’ll think it’s disgusting, or whatever.
Yeah, I’ve heard... And so that’s a... I mean, that’s a brilliant observation that we... we don’t... that we don’t talk about things ’cause we’re worried they might make other people feel uncomfortable.
And that’s exactly it. So, we don’t wanna make people uncomfortable. We don’t want them to think less of us or think of us as disgusting or gross.
Yeah. So, there’s somewhere still this idea that periods are a bit disgusting and gross.
Yeah, disgusting and men shouldn’t know about it and it should be like a secret thing be... bet... between us ladies.
Judgemental attitudes and stereotypes about having periods
Many young people had worried about being laughed at or teased about periods, making them unsure of talking about it. Grace and Anayaa felt that a fear of being stereotyped and judged was a reason it could be hard to talk about periods.
Young people were also concerned about being laughed at, or teased about, the emotions that they experience during their periods. It could be experienced as diminishing the emotions and put people off talking about either their periods or emotions. This also included when emotions like being angry or tearful were put down to people having periods, even when they weren’t having their period.
Scarlett explains how, in her school, she has experienced boys laughing at people who are emotional and blame this on their periods. This makes her want to avoid talking to them.
Scarlett explains how, in her school, she has experienced boys laughing at people who are emotional and blame this on their periods. This makes her want to avoid talking to them.
Do you ever talk to boys about periods? Do you have any kind of thoughts on what you’d think about that?
No, I don’t really talk to many boys about periods. They’re... they’re kind of just, you know, immature about it and they kinda laugh about it. So, I wouldn’t really feel comfortable like discussing it with any boys in my school.
Mm.
But if they were mature about it, I would probably discuss it more.
OK. OK. And have you had that experience of them laughing or being silly, or you’re just more worried that they might?
I’ve had the experi... my friends have also had the experience of them laughing at people, and like saying, you know, whenever a woman... whenever a girl or a woman in my... in my school is being, you know, a bit down or a bit angry, they’re like: “Oh, she must be on her period,” like in a joking way, ha-ha way, so...
Mm. And what do you think about that?
I don’t really enjoy it ’cause a lot of the time it’s just like, ‘why would you just dull down someone’s emotions so much to just like one week of their... of their monthly cycle?’
Some young people had concerns about whether their period pain would be taken seriously or seen as valid by others. Reactions from school staff, like dismissing and not believing their period pain, could reinforce these worries. Grace tended to say they were “ill” or “unwell” rather than saying they had period pain, including when phoning school to say they could not come in.
Some young people felt there were judgements about things to do with periods like using tampons or taking the contraceptive pill to help with symptoms. Ela and Bella talked about other’s mistaken beliefs about tampons meaning they were no longer a virgin (someone who has not had sex before). Though they knew this was not true, worries about what others would think were difficult to deal with. You can read more here about learning about periods and period products.
Challenging and resisting negative beliefs around periods
A number of the young people we talked to said they disagreed with negative attitudes about periods or the idea that people shouldn’t talk about them. Some felt that there was progress and that their generation was more open about it. Emily Z explained: “it’s really important that there’s more... there’s more education on it, and I’m glad that it’s finally getting talked about now, and it’s not just a really taboo subject”. Rahma felt it was “removing the stigma” when periods were mentioned to a whole classroom of students at university: “it’s no longer hush-hush. It’s no longer all the boys leave the room”.
Though some young people had experienced difficult reactions to talking about periods and period pain, many had also experienced supportive, kind, and accepting reactions from others. Some had been surprised and reassured to get a more positive reaction to the one they had expected. As Willow explained how “once I told someone and she just kind of looked at me like I was nuts for a moment and then she... and then she was nice to me”. You can read more here about peer support and allyship around periods and period pain.
Reham was surprised when the boys in her class were nice when people had their periods. One of them even gave her some chocolate.
Reham was surprised when the boys in her class were nice when people had their periods. One of them even gave her some chocolate.
And what was... ha... was there anything that you worried about or felt like it was important to have a way to try and get out?
I was just really worried that I’d bleed through, or like if somebody’d just figure out... like one of the guys, if they ever figured out, what would happen, I was so scared of that.
Yeah. What were you... did you... was there anything you were kinda worried that would happen if they found out, or they... or you had to say it aloud in class?
I feel like the kids were just... in primary school, kids are just horrible. Well, they would... they’re just horrible, so if any of the guys found out, I was scared that... and like some of them would carry it on for... for the rest of their life and have to be called... oh, I don’t know, “bloody Reham,” or something. [chuckles].
Yeah. And... so... and... yeah. And did you ever see them being mean to somebody else, or was it... is that something that you saw happening or just something that you worried about ’cause of kinda other things?—
It’s something I was worried about, but then after I think... after a while, I was just... Just, I remember once in school, right, some girl had gotten hers and she’s having blood through, but some of the guys were actually so nice, like it was so weird some time, ’cause I know the guys in my class, they’re horrible. But then, as soon as like somebody had gotten hers, they would actually leave them alone. And one of them... I remember once, one of them even gave me chocolate ’cause they thought I was on, like – I wasn’t – but still: “Thank you.”
[chuckles] OK, yeah. OK, that’s a very nice reaction. [chuckles]
It was very confusing, and I’ve never seen them that nice.
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