Willow Z

Brief Outline:

Willow Z is 16. Her periods started during the COVID pandemic lockdowns and were initially ok. They stopped for a while in the context of another health condition, and then became unpredictable, very heavy and very painful. She often bleeds through, despite using triple protection (pad, tampax, period underwear), and this has been difficult at school (including experiences of not being allowed to get to the toilet when she needs to as well as judgement and censure for menstrual leaking) and impacts on her sleeping at night. She is a rower and managing her period bleeding impacts on her sport. She has noticed that stretching out in a yoga child’s pose helps a little. She sometimes faints and vomits with her period, which is unnerving and can be frightening. She does not find over the counter painkillers help. She has seen a GP, but did not find this very helpful for her and felt she was told that it was normal to have period pain. She takes combined hormonal contraception to regulate her periods, which it does, but finds that this does not get rid of the pain, and she thinks might make it worse. She thinks pain is normalised and that periods are stigmatised and would like to see this change, because it makes them harder to navigate.

Willow Z is a rower and worries about capsizing while having her period. She thinks the male rowers in her club don’t necessarily understand the impact it has on her in training.

I hate my period to this day. It just impacts my life, my sport. Anything I want to do, it’s awful. Like I’m a rower and I will go rowing on the water, and I have my friend [name] and we have our periods at the exact same time, so every Saturday when we’re rowing, we’ll say, oh, you know, yeah, we’ve both got our periods, but we won’t tell anyone, because it’s weird. But like you might have period underwear, you might have a tampon, but you’re going rowing and if you capsize it’s... makes you worry that you’ll get some kind of infection, and it... it’s... it’s not nice because you know that all of the male rowers just won’t understand – they just don’t get it. They don’t get that you’re gonna be rowing on erg one day and feel like you’re gonna vomit and faint and feel so awful with a horrible stomach, and they’re just like: ‘oh, just get on with it,’ they just don’t get it.

Willow Z was taught about period biology, tampons and pads. She thought they sounded manageable from her lessons, but her lived experience was very different.

Right, OK, we’re gonna think through this: I think what I remember it was very brief and it annoyed me because I hadn’t had my period yet and I got set up to false expectations. So, it was like... and there was one teacher, you got taught your, like, sex education thing every six months they’d have a lesson on it for an hour and she basically... you know, you go through all of the anatomy: that’s the ovaries, that’s the vagina, you know all of that. That’s fine, and she’s like: “Yeah, every month women get periods and they use tampons and pads and they normally bleed for like one to four days and you can have a little bit of pain sometimes.” And... and that was just it, and it was like: ‘OK, manageable, really quite nice.’ And I sat and... and then I sat in like a science lesson, ’cause they also taught a bit about menstruation there, and he went: “Yeah, so normally about...” how... this is a man by the way, “normally they... like, you know, women will bleed maybe like a tablespoon of blood.” I was like: ‘oh, very manageable, very nice, you know, I could... I could deal with that, that’s quite nice,’ but they never taught you how to wear a pad or how to put a tampon in, and especially not how to have a menstrual cup, how to clean it, how to put it in, how to take it out without literally feeling like you’re about to rip everything inside of you out – nothing like that. They didn’t talk about period underwear. They were just like: “Pad, tampon, it’s on the box.”

And... and you might get a little bit of pain and a little bit of bleeding—

A little bit of pain, and a little bit of bleeding.

And... and you had a really good phrase, you said it... and you felt like it gave you false expectations.

Yeah.

Can you tell me a bit more about that?

Well, because when I got my period, obviously you... you... you know you know because you have a tiny bit of blood at the start and you’re like: ‘oh, it’s very easy, thank you,’ and then... and then you have like the next day and you’re like: ‘yeah, a little bit of blood, that’s fine,’ and then it went, and then I got my period next time and it was still quite light and I was like: ‘I could... you know, this is manageable, I can do this, it’s quite regular, it’s very nice,’ and then I got really heavy periods I’m like: ‘what the heck? What... what went wrong?’ You know, my periods just went, and then they suddenly came, and then they went, and they were really long. You know, I’d been bleeding for like two three weeks and it... I don’t know how much blood I lost, but it was so much. And you couldn’t really tell, like I wasn’t insanely bloated, I was like a small little lanky skinny kid in... in Year 7 and 8, and people just didn’t get it.

Willow Z found someone telling stories about their own embarrassing period experiences in a humorous way. She found this made periods seem normal and feel that she was not unique.

I’m just trying to think. So, I think I’m done here.  And... and you said you have Googled it a bit, but you’ve not looked on social media particularly? Instagram? TikTok? Do you get periody stuff there?

There are some in... on YouTube once. She was called like [name], and she was doing—

It wasn’t me.

No, no, no. She... she was doing like talking about period, and she did a lot of period stories about, you know, what’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. I used to find them really hilarious because I could totally relate to them and I would just feel like, well, it did make me feel like I wasn’t the only one, and all of this, and it was OK, it was just... yeah, it was quite nice. It was someone who was... like, I don’t know, she’d be like 20, or something, and she was just... she... she really normalised it, which was quite nice.

OK. So, for you having a connection to somebody where experiences that were a bit like yours made you—?

Yes.

OK.

And she would just... yeah, it was really nice, she just talked about stuff.

OK. And you saying normalised?

Well, she would just talk about it very normally. I can’t... I can’t describe it, but you just know when it’s like normal.

Willow Z has heavy periods. One day at school she bled through doubled up protection. She describes a helpful, matter of fact response from a (male) teacher when she needed to clean up.

It is a huge extra thing to worry about. All the time we’re like: ‘ooh, how long have I had a tampon in for? Don’t wanna get toxic shock,’ or, you know, ‘can I actually take my menstrual cup out once I put it back in?’ Stuff like that, or ‘oh, I’m wearing a pad: God, do you think it’s leaked?’ Oh, my God, it’s come down my leg. This is really embarrassing.’ You get a lot like that. I’ve had it at school before and it was when I was getting really, really heavy period pain and it’s... it was they were really heavy periods and I was just sitting down I was doing my work and I’m like: ‘oh, I just... you know, I’ve just got blood all over the seat,’ and I literally couldn’t be arsed because it happened so much and I was like: ‘I just don’t care anymore.’ And I went and I... and we need to bring something up to the teacher, I was like Year 8, and I brought it up and my teacher was like: “Oh, my God, oh, my God, [name], oh, my God, huuu, what’s happened? Oh, my God,” and we’re like: “I’ve got a period,” and they were going mental. It’s like: ‘yes, there are boys in the room and all of the girls will probably have had their periods by now and I can’t be arsed to miss more of my lessons because you can’t deal with a little bit of blood on the seat’ – to be fair it was actually quite a lot – but... I was just like: ‘you need to kind of get over a bit, like if I bleed or it’s...’ and I’ve had that before. I was in a maths lesson and I just... and you can’t help it. I had tampon, pad, period underwear, all of that on, and I just bled right through it in about 30 minutes during my lesson and I just sat there at the end and my teacher look... I just looked at my teacher and he kind of looked at me, and I just somehow this kind of connected: he’s male, he’s a short little red-headed like bald man and he was just like... he just was like: “Oh, feel free to leave when you want to,” and he just left. And that was quite nice because he was very normal about it. He just stood outside, and I got a load tissues, I was like, you know, ‘let’s just clean this up,’ and he was just talking to his class outside until he brought them in. And he’s the only person who at school was ever just like: ‘yeah, whatever.’ And it wasn’t like a ‘I don’t care’, it was like a ‘I’m gonna respect that this happens and you have your privacy’.

Willow Z explains how a ‘period check’ is something that young people regularly do for each other to support them at school.

My friend I was sitting next to... she was like: “Oh, OK, do you want some hand sanitiser?” And they didn’t really care. I mean they just... they literally just don’t care. Like you’ll turn round and say, “Oh, can you check if I’ve bled through?” and a lot of people do that, you know, it’s like a period check and you just walk forwards a bit and they’ll look and be like: “No, you’re fine,” because, you know, you don’t wanna stain your trousers, and it can be a bit awkward walking around like that, and because I was sitting down, I didn’t care, but if I was walking about, it... I would care.  But it didn’t go further than that.—

So that’s something that girls do for each other, is the period check?

Yeah, quite a lot.

Willow Z has experienced and witnessed teasing from boys about periods and period pain.

Have you ever tried to explain it or you sort of more have a hunch that they wouldn’t get it?

Just the stuff they’ve said.

What sort of stuff?

So, I’ve been to school before and I was sitting next to one of my friends and we were waiting for a lesson and she went: “Oh, I’ve... and I’ve got such a bad stomach ache, you know my period... and my period’s on and it’s really bad,” and one of the boys turned round and: “Oh, you’re just making it up. Oh, my God, you guys make it up to get out of a lesson, you’re so pathetic.” And another time I went: “Oh, yeah, I’ve smelt your tampons, they smell so gross.” Like they’re the most immature people and you would never be able to bring it up because they’re so rude about it. Like, yeah, they just... I feel like parents is different, but it’s still not the same as talking to a... another woman about it ’cause they’re never gonna get it.

Willow Z felt she was not given a choice about taking the combined pill for her periods, and was just told not to worry. She thinks doctors need to ‘buck up’ when talking to young people about periods.

Doctors needs to buck up, they really do.

To buck up

Uh-huh.

Yeah. In what way?

You just... they’re just like: “Oh, I’m really sorry, there’s nothing we can do. Periods are normal, off you go. Next client.”

OK.

That’s literally it. Like with my Rigevidon (combined oral contraceptive pill), I wanted to speak to them about it ’cause I’m like: “I’m really stressed about taking this and...” na-na-na-na-na, and they’ll be like: “Oh, you’ll be fine, don’t worry.” And when I wasn’t having my periods, they didn’t think, ‘let’s look into it, wonder why this is happening? That’s not normal.’ They just went: “Take the pill, off you go.” I don’t wanna live on the pill for the rest of my life, but I’m not given a choice.

So, some of that messaging that your periods were normal came from talking to doctors a little bit?

No, because they didn’t say it was normal, they would just be like: “Period pain...” yeah, well, yeah, in a way. Yes, “everyone gets period pain, yours sounds bad, there’s nothing we can do,” and then for like missed periods, and stuff, they would... they just say “just take the pill” because, obviously, if it was normal they’d be like “it’s fine, don’t worry.” But to say “oh, just take the pill, you know, don’t worry about it,” and it’s just very annoying.

Willow Z takes hormonal contraception to protect her bone density and keep her periods regular, but finds some of the side effects she experiences difficult.

And you said you’re now on Rigevidon (hormonal contraception).

Rigevidon, yeah.

Has that made any difference?

Uh-huh. I think it’s made my period pain worse, but if I don’t get my period pain, it impacts for oestrogen levels, bone density, stuff like that, so I do need to be taking it. Like a couple of years ago I had a cyst, like a pol... like a cyst on my ovary, and it’s... it’s gone now, but they said it’s quite good to take it in case it comes back ’cause it keeps it regular.

OK, OK.

There was so much anxiety about that.

I was gonna say, how do you feel about being on the... how do you... how... how have you found Rigevidon?

I hate it because my boobs went up like three sizes. I really hated it. And then they went: “OK, try...” something else—

Cerazette?

What?

Cerazette?

Cin... C-N-Z... C-M-I-Z-T, or something like that. It was weird. It had lower doses of, like, progesterone, or something. Because I was feeling quite sick on Rigevidon, I took it for one day and had the most awful heart palpitations and I just went ‘nope, absolutely not’.

OK, so back to the Rigevidon.

Yeah. I hate it though, I really hate it, ’cause it keep... makes you have like water retention and that made me feel very bulky, which I didn’t like.

OK. I can... yeah, I can understand that. OK. And so for you it hasn’t helped your periods particularly?

Rigevidon.

Yeah.

Well, if I didn’t take it, I wouldn’t get them, so I kind of... it’s like helped in the way that I have them now, but I do have painful periods and... but they’re not heavy, which... no, they are, on the first day, they’re very heavy and then it’s like really quite chilled out, so.