Anayaa

Brief Outline:

Anayaa is 14. She has heavy painful periods that sometimes make it hard to sleep or go to school. She found it hard to find guidance about what to expect and what was normal, and found it helpful to talk to her mum and hospital consultant for her colitis about her periods. She has also found looking at other people’s experiences on the internet and social media helpful. She would like schools to prepare people better for the reality of periods and to teach young people about conditions that can affect periods like PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome). She thinks schools could better recognise the difficulties of managing bleeding at school, and make it easier and more dignified for young people to use the toilet when they feel they need to.

Anayaa felt that because she hadn’t been taught about the possibility of heavy or painful periods, that this meant hers wasn't normal, which was quite shocking.

So... So, had you learned about kinda period pain in school where you were thinking that they, you know, might or might not have been normal? Was that something that was ever covered, or talked about?

Mm, we covered periods and how they would happen, but we never covered how pain or flow, like heaviness, would be like.

Yeah. And so how do you think that kind of... so how... yeah, how... what did that make you think then when they were really heavy or painful?

I thought that we weren’t really taught about it, so I thought that it wasn’t normal.

Yeah. Ah, interesting. So, from your perspective because no one had said, “Oh, they could be really heavy,” or “they could be painful”, when they were, that was unexpected and made you worried that they weren’t normal? Have I got that right?

Yeah. It... they made me quite shocked.

Anayaa thinks everyone should learn about periods, and that teaching boys and girls separately could help people feel more comfortable to ask and listen to questions.

Do you have any sense of how that kinda impacted your friends or... or made them... yeah?

I feel they did say to me that they felt really uncomfortable asking that and then people laughing when they said that; they did feel quite uncomfortable. And plus, I don’t think boys were taught about it, that’s maybe why they laughed.

Yeah. Were they taught about it with you when you learnt about it? And were you in a mixed class or was it separated?

It was separated, so I don’t know what they learned.

Uh-huh. Do you have any thoughts on that? Would you... about whether, together, or separate, or what... and making sure everyone... and do you have any thoughts on... on...?

I feel like it would be good separated, but if they learnt the same material and how stuff is normal and all that.

Yeah. And do you have a sense of why it would have been more comfortable if you were kinda separated rather than being taught all together?

I feel like if we were taught all together then maybe boys would quite... like ask questions maybe and then the girls would feel really uncomfortable.

Yeah.

And that I’m not sure what type of questions, but like just questions in general that might make women or like girls feel like uncomfortable.

For Anayaa, it is difficult to get through a school day if her period pain becomes bad. She finds it difficult when she can’t come home but is not able to have treatment that helps her in school.

And so, have school... Have you talked to school about this? Is... Have you had any kind of... How have they been with this?

They’ve been quite iffy about it ’cause some of my missed days are from my colitis as well, and so they don’t really get the idea of when it’s different and from my period and stuff, they still would say to come into school.

Mm.

But if I was in school and I would go to the school nurse and stuff, all she would do is give me a mint and say to drink water.

Oh, OK.

Yeah, it is quite weird.

So, have you ever done it where you’ve gone to school and then just had to come home again anyway?

Not... the... the teacher won’t let me go home, that’s the thing.

OK.

Like if I say I’m in loads of pain and I start crying, then she’ll be like: “First of all stop crying, take some deep breaths and then talk,” and I’m just like: ‘I’m in so much pain, I can barely like talk without crying,’ and she just wouldn’t send me home.

OK. That’s... so... is that partly why... yeah. So, then what does that make you feel like you kinda need to do?

It makes me feel like I... I like want to like shout at the person ’cause I’m like: ‘you’re a woman too, so like help me here,’ and that’s just...

Yeah.

And she just... it... it’s like she doesn’t understand the pain that I’m in and how that’s affecting me, and so I like need to go home ’cause I can’t carry on with the school day, but she won’t let me home.

And so, does that kind of factor into whether you think about whether you can go in at all, if you see what I mean?

Yeah.

Anayaa says advice to talk about periods is hard to use if it isn’t clear who you can talk to. She says that, in her family, she has been taught that periods should not be talked about.

So, do you have any thoughts on how kinda comfortable it is to talk about periods or whether periods are something that it is easy to talk about?

I feel like it’s hard to talk about because it’s not generally talked about anyway in any aspect, and like with all these companies and like Always saying like you should like talk about it and stuff, it’s quite like: ‘well, who should I talk to it... like talk about it to?’

Yeah. And—

And... but it’s like with my family, ’cause we’re quite cultural, we bel... well, my Mum believes that the men shouldn’t know that like you are on your period, so that is like you might be sad or angry, or anything like that.

So, is that something that you try to kind of stick with at home?

I try to say that that’s not how it should be and that it should be talked about, but maybe not in detail, but my Mum just don’t agree.

So does that make it... I mean how do you then manage when you’ve got kinda period pain at home? ’cause you said your period pain’s quite difficult.

Yeah. Because I have the colitis, I know it sounds kind of bad to like do this, but I normally just blame it on that instead of actually saying my period.

Because that’s a bit easier to have at home?

Yeah, it’s a bit easier to talk about because everyone knows that I have it.

Yeah, OK. And so that’s something that you’ve just found as a strategy that is a bit more comfortable at home?

Yeah.

Anayaa has thought about seeing a GP about her periods, but has not done so because she was uncertain about how to bring it up as a topic.

Have you ever been to see a doctor or a nurse about period pain?

No.

No. And have you ever thought about it?

I have thought about it, but I’m not sure how to approach it, if you get what I mean?

I... I do. And it... But can you... yeah, but are you... can you tell me a little bit more about the kind of thinking around that, around why you might want to, or what you’re not sure about, or that you think might be tricky?

What do you mean, sorry?

Like you said you’d thought about it, but you weren’t quite sure how to approach it.

Yeah?

I guess just have you got any thoughts on what you’re not quite sure about or... or... yeah, or how to ask, or what you might... yeah, and what... what it is that you’re not quite sure about?

I’m just like I’m not quite sure about how to bring it up with a doctor and stuff because I feel like it would put like a very awkward tension in the room ’cause you’re just saying it and then they would like think about it and then you would just be like: ‘oh, did I say something wrong?’