Bella

Brief Outline:

Bella is 17. She has had really heavy periods since they started. Much of what she has learnt about how to manage this has been through friends, family and menstrual app chat functions. While finding the bleeding difficult, she likes the cyclicity of her monthly period, and does not want to suppress this with hormones. She has not been to see a health professional about her periods, because she was not sure they could offer her anything besides hormonal treatment. She has noticed that exercise often helps with her period pain.  

Bella was so stressed when she started that she vomited. While she initially thought having your period meant you couldn’t do anything, she then learned that this was not the case.

Huh, I don’t really think I had much of an idea because when I first got my period, I got so stressed that I actually puked—

Ahh.

—and I went back into bed and it was like: ‘I’m just gonna forget, this is a dream,’ and ’cause I thought that I wouldn’t be... really be able to function.

Yeah.

’cause I wasn’t really taught too much about it, I had quite a religious upbringing, so it... My mum always educated me, I remember she told me when I was around eight what a period was, but I don’t really know they’d be like because I hadn’t experienced them. So, I had the basic training in school, like the basic sort of thing, and yeah, so then I got my period and I thought, ‘I won’t be able to do anything again, no, no sports, nothing,’ but... and then I realised you can function on your period, but...

Bella was shown a pad by the school nurse, but she didn’t unwrap it. Her teacher then did show them what a pad was like inside the wrapper.

Did you ever get taught about different products, or the way to manage the bleeding or pain, or anything like that?

No, it was just: “This is a pad,” they didn’t even unwrap it, I don’t think, I think one of my teachers did, she got her little bag out and was like: “This is a pad,” but she unwrapped it, but I don’t think even the sexual health... I think she was the sexual health nurse that came in and taught us, ’cause that was on the same day as sex education, but she did... she just showed us this pad, this tampon: “You... you... these are two things that you can use,” I don’t think she said much else.

Bella finds the experiences in web forums helpful in terms of ideas about things to try and finding people with similar experiences. She recognises they may not always have a scientific base, so uses these alongside NHS and more scientific websites.

What draws you to different kinds of information, or what you find trustworthy? Like would you trust the stuff at school, or do you find this dif... do you see what I mean?

For me personally, I like to use multiple sort of resources to kind of formulate my opinions. So, I like seeing the more scientific side of thing and stuff posted in the NHS website and other scientific sort of websites that have, you know, references, and I can tell that they’re pretty valid.

Yeah.

And then I like to go onto places like Reddit and where... where more... Quora, stuff like that where experiences are shared, because even though they’re... you know, they’re not an entirely scientific back... there’s still people who have experiences and sometimes other people’s experiences are similar to your own, so the ways that they cope... help... can help you.

Yeah.

So that’s what I find.

So that’s what you tend to look for?

Yeah

Bella found the anonymous chat function on her tracker app a place where she could learn about her body, and which helped her not feel alone. She appreciated the sharing of experiences and saw them as a place where older women can support younger ones.

And if you were going to look for information about periods, what sort of places would you look?

I would usually just go onto Google, like a lot of people and just type up on Google, ‘what’s this thing?’ But I... I think I’d have done a pay wall now, but Flo you used to have a Secret Chats sort of thing, so an anonymous chat place and they had so many different articles and so many different people talking about their periods, and I felt I got a lot of dif... hear about different people’s experiences it very much helped because it didn’t make me feel as alone. And it wasn’t just about periods, it was more about women’s health in general. So, it help me learn more about my body from a perspective that wasn’t, you know, from something that was quite generalised, or from a very like religious sort of conservative perspective.

So, you actually found the chatroom and the shared experience on Flo really helpful. And you’ve... it sounds like you found mapping and understanding your cycle through using an app really helpful?

Yeah, so having something to track everything, it’s really good.

And were there things that you learnt about on Flo that you’d never heard of—

Yeah.

—you know?

So many things, not just relating to periods, but just general like sexual health and stuff to do with being a woman in general, like for example something I can think about... like discharge and stuff like that, just... and I thought... I... I literally thought I was like my... I was broken.

Yeah.

I thought I was broken when I first saw that discharge, I was like: ‘oh, my gosh, I’m peeing myself,’ but I wasn’t, it was just discharge. I... I wasn’t taught about that, I wasn’t taught that was a normal function of your body.

Are there any other kind of final things that you’ve thought about that we haven’t covered?

Not from my experience.  I just... I think I know I’d like to have and that isn’t referenced to the guide and I’d like is to have somewhere where I can have a mixture of understanding from a objective and a scientific standpoint of what’s actually happening: these are, you know, the hormones you’re gonna face with your menstrual cycle, this is why you’re... this is why you’re cramping. You don’t even know why you’re cramping, a lot of people just say, “I have cramps,” but they, you’re like: “Why are you cramping?” “And it was just my... my period, my tummy,” well, that’s not your tummy, it’s your uterus, so that sort of thing.  And then having like a subjective viewpoint on the whole things. So, opinions and experiences and secret... like it was called ‘Secret Chats’ with a little like a Zorro mask on Flo, but stuff like that, like forums and places where young people and like... and it’s not even young people, ’cause older people can help younger people, but, you know, just places where experiences can be shared.

Yeah, so that you can not...—

Yeah.

—but you said earlier when you were talking about Flo, that you realised you weren’t the only person—

Yeah.

Bella was really frightened when she first experienced the change in her vaginal discharge through the period cycle because she wasn’t taught to expect this.

So many things, not just relating to periods, but just general like sexual health and stuff to do with being a woman in general, like for example something I can think about... like discharge and stuff like that, just... and I thought... I... I literally thought I was like my... I was broken.

Yeah.

I thought I was broken when I first saw that discharge, I was like: ‘oh, my gosh, I’m peeing myself,’ but I wasn’t, it was just discharge. I... I wasn’t taught about that; I wasn’t taught that was a normal function of your body.

Bella finds that exercise really helps with her period cramps, and finds this a really helpful way of trying to manage them.

Are there any other things that you’ve done that helped, and the things that you’ve ever noticed?

Water and exercise, those are my... my main two.  I did a lot of... I’m not really training anymore, but I did Muay Thai, that was my kind of escape when I felt my rage and my pain, I just go kick some bags,—

Excellent.

—so that’s... exercise helps. Going for a run, stuff like that. Going on a walk even, getting your mind off of things. I find exercise really helps with the cramps. Water, and it stops the headaches, stops the bloating, that sort of thing.  Chocolate just helps with the emotional support to be honest.

And how did you di... ’cause... because exercise often helps, but people often also sometimes avoid, so how did you work out that exercise made you fe... was it ’cause you had to do exercise anyway and then you noticed?

Yeah, I had to exercise anyway, so...  Me and my Dad used to be really into running, so we used to go on runs a lot and so I’d be like: “Oh, do you wanna go on a walk, do you gonna go run?” I was like: “OK,” and I’d go and I’d notice when I came back, you know, obviously felt the burn, but I... I didn’t really feel my pain, and then when I started going to the gym more often, ’cause I forced to my workout, I found that the pain would go away, so I’d have training and then go... you had to go to the gym afterwards, but I found that by the end of training my pain was gone, so I found that really helpful.

Bella has heavy periods. She plans her bus journey timing and clothing choices around this, but it is a constant worry, especially during school. She manages with extra absorbency products.

So, the managing the flow and the possibility of leaking sounds like it was quite a big stress for you in those early years?

Yeah, definitely. I mean it was... it was quite bad. I remember I used to get so anxious about going to school, and when I’d need to go out with my period, I’d just wear the baggiest joggers that I possibly could because I just... like most of my... I didn’t really know how to cope with it, and my Mum tried to help me cope with it, but my flow is just... I don’t know why, it’s just really heavy and so we try and take measures to try and help me, but my favourite pyjama bottom’s completely ruined. My mattress, you know, it’s got, you know, some residue on it, and just all my stuff just seems to get ruined and I’ve just kind of reached a point of I just feel a bit... like it’s a bit unmanageable.

That sounds... that sounds quite difficult.

Yeah.

Have you... have you... is that something you’ve ever kind of gone and asked for help about, or have you tried any medical measures for any of your periods?

No, I don’t think there’s anything really that can help. I... I’d... I’d not really looked into that, I just kind of deal with it and just extra... extra-large tampons and extra-large—

And pad.

—pad and call it a day.

Yeah. And what about things like when you were at school, if you hadn’t... did you say you were having to change your pad like every 45 minutes? How did you manage that at school?

So, every 45 minutes at home sort of time, but every hour at school, so I’d go in between lessons and just check everything was OK. ’cause sometimes I’d get like I think I’d get from coming into school up until break I think sometimes, and from that break to the end of the day. But I mean my bus trip was an hour long, so I’d have to go before the bus trip, sometimes I’d even miss the bus ’cause I’d just be like rushing to a toilet ’cause I got out a bit late. But yeah, and the bus trip as well, it’s horrible being sat down for so long ’cause I’m just so paranoid that I’m gonna get up and something’s gonna be there, but... yeah.

Bella says the toilets in sixth form are nicer, but found them difficult in lower school. Overflowing period product bins are distressing and could be avoided.

Now I’m in sixth form they have nice toilets there, so they’re fine, but in younger years, I... I just... it was horrific. I didn’t go to the toilet generally, I’d sneak into the staff toilets near reception, or I’d go and ask the school nurse to use her toilet and like that was the only times I’d use them because I’d like... And when I’d have to go into the actual school toilets like I did that one time, ’cause I had to change my pad so often, I just... I couldn’t touch the bin. A lot of them obviously had a pushdown thing, you didn’t have to lift it up, but sometimes you’d push it down, it wouldn’t work, so you’d have to go to the next door push it down and they were overflowing, just tampons falling on the floor, which was absolutely a health hazard – it’s just gross – absolutely grim. I don’t think... they need to teach people how to actually... you know, it’s got a wrapper for a reason, you roll up and then you put it in the bin, you don’t just put... So maybe something like teaching people how to use sanitary bins and to dispose of sanitary products, ’cause you’re not taught it, you just kind of put two and two together all the time.

Bella is happy to talk about her periods when she is at home in England, but alters what she says when she travels to her extended family because of different expectations there.

You know, I for example, if I was at home, in England, and I wanted to go to the toilet and I had my period, they’ll like: “Oh, why are you in there?” I’m like: “I’m changing with my pad, give me a second,” but if I was back home I... I couldn’t say something like that. I couldn’t even say that I was... I couldn’t even whisper the words, you know?

Uh-huh.

It’s kind of like: ‘don’t say that in front of men, it’s unladylike, it’s private.’

Bella thought about seeing a GP about her heavy periods, but her Mum’s description of having to complete a period diary put her off going.

And have you ever been to see a doctor or a nurse?

No.

No.

I mean I used to... I found it... but gonna go TMI (too much information), but I guess that’s the whole point, but I... I get really huge kind of blood clots and they’re... they’re... they’re... and probably something I need to be worried about because sometimes I get them that size of my palm, like they’re about that sort of size, and I remember when I told my Mum about it and she said that, you know, they’re not... if you go to the doctor’s, she said that she had a similar thing and, you know, they’re gonna make you... they’re gonna get you to write a diary and then come back. And I also, I’m not gonna lie, that’s a lot of effort, I don’t wanna keep a period diary about my flow and track everything like that. I mean I probably should, ’cause I have this app called Flo, Flo is just my love, it just keeps everything like I can write all my symptoms, but about exactly that sort of thing, but I just didn’t really... and it kind of my bad, but, you know, I just wanted to just see if it was OK rather than have to go through months and months of periods before, so I just kind of dealt with it and then it slowed down a bit more, but...

So, the thing that kind of put you off going to the doctor’s was the thought of having to focus in on your periods and then wait for treatment and write down lots about your periods?

Yeah, yeah. So, I just thought that at the end of the day there wouldn’t be really any outcomes from it and they’d just be like: ‘oh, painkillers, there’s probably nothing wrong with you, you know, you’ll be fine,’ sort of thing.

Mm. And is that... and... and that... a lot of that came from talking to your Mum and basing it on her experience? But did... did you—

Yeah.

Bella says that associations people make between use of hormonal treatments for period problems and contraception made them unacceptable to her.

Because you used the word ‘stigma’, which is a really important word I think.

Yeah.

And do you feel like that’s something you’ve encountered?

Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean just in that experience of itself, the stigma, tampons, birth control. I mean I have a... on my... on my English side of the family, they’re... they’re quite liberal, they’re obviously... I mean I remember one time my aunt sat me down and she was like: “Oh...” Like, I was talking to her about my periods, she was like: “Oh, why don’t you go on the pill?” and my Mum’s like: “No, she can’t do that, that’s... and she’s not having sex yet.” And... and I was like... and my aunt was like: “No, it’s not just for that, it’s because it stops it.” But even saying to someone: “Oh, I’m on birth control,” that... that’s a stigma, like: ‘oh, OK, you’re having sex.’ But, you know, not saying that’s a bad thing, but it’s not always people don’t go on the pill for that all the times, ’cause they deal with... I know I have a lot of friends who are not sexually active, and never have been, but they go on the pill and that’s because they just can’t handle their periods, so...

Yeah, so it’s a medical treatment—

Yeah.

—that can be used for contraception, it can be used for periods, but it was something that you felt wasn’t necessarily an option that... I mean you’ve also talked, for really good reasons, about why you decided it wasn’t the right one for you,—

Yeah.

—but if you had wanted to try it, would that have been a difficult kind of option to navigate?

Yeah, because it would have been an awkward conversation about sex that when I was, you know, 14, and I didn’t not wanna talk about that with my parents, and I did not want, you know, my Mum... I didn’t really wanna talk about it with my Mum because she was a bit... My Mum’s not like super-strict or anything, she... I remember she told me about sex about the same time she told me about periods, you know, she was just like: “From 16 your... it’s your body, your choice, I just want you to be safe.” So, she... right, she educated me, but I felt a bit awkward, and also I didn’t really wanna have that conversation, and also with my Dad, I didn’t want people to know, like I didn’t want people to perceive it like that, ’cause I just felt a bit awkward about the whole thing.

Would that have been something that worried you when you were going to the doctor’s that your parents might have found out, or that—

Yeah.

—if the doctor offered you the pill in front of your...?

Yeah, that sort of thing. And even if I... and, you know, became sexually active, you know, having to go up to the doctor’s and them... them asking the questions and my parents being there, it’s just a bit... You know, I don’t... I’m not... I don’t... I’m not particularly that close with my parents, but I wouldn’t... I wouldn’t really... I don’t really tell them about that aspect, it’s quite private, and like private with everyone, so I felt that I’d be a bit awkward about the whole thing.