Grace
Grace is 17. Her periods are painful, and this impacts on her at school and in her part time job, where she finds standing especially uncomfortable. Worries about managing the pain and bleeding can add to the stress of managing period pain and bleeding at school, and exams are a particular worry. She reflects that being able to talk about period pain with her female friends has been helpful for her. She has not been to see a health professional about her periods. She thinks that teaching young people about possible treatments and also health conditions that can be related to periods would be helpful, and that in her experience this has not been covered.
More about me...
Grace recalls that her early periods were not too bad, with ‘maybe like mild discomfort’ although for her they have become more painful over time.
Grace recalls that her early periods were not too bad, with ‘maybe like mild discomfort’ although for her they have become more painful over time.
But to start with if you can just tell me a bit about your experience with periods, maybe starting with when they started?
I... I was just actually trying to figure out like when... how old I was, because it’s not actually something I remember. I’m gonna say it was like... I would say I was like around 13 or 12, and I think... I don’t know, I don’t really remember it being a big like... like it... the kind of, you know, issue like thing in my mind until... I feel like as I got older it was in some ways like if I ever, you know, experience pain or anything, or like, you know, like was stressed about the fact that I was on my period, it was probably like as I’ve got older, and it’s probably like there might be a science behind that, or something, but that’s one thing I have noticed.
So, when you first started you don’t remember them being quite as...?
No, I wouldn’t really say like I guess maybe like mild discomfort that you might be like: ‘oh, yeah,’ but nothing like... like prob... probably relatively light periods and not really... nothing that would really impact my day-to-day life I would say. But then... and especially like... probably like the past year, or just like recently as I’ve got older, that’s kind of... I feel like it’s I definitely notice that it’s like... yeah, like more painful or just like a bigger thing than compared to what it was, yeah.
Yeah. So, what are they like now; what do you notice now?
I would say I do get like there’s often a day or two at the start where it’s like it... I would say it really affects my day-to-day life, like very painful, I don’t really feel like doing much, just... and I find it quite stressful. Like, you know, obviously if that was a like a school day, or I had big plans, just wouldn’t wanna do that because of like pain, but also just ’cause like it’s just like something that I’m like very aware of, that I don’t... yeah, yeah.
Grace explains how anxiety and stress about not leaking adds to the emotions of managing periods.
Grace explains how anxiety and stress about not leaking adds to the emotions of managing periods.
Let’s say I’m in pain, like obviously that’s horrible, but one of the main things that does affect me is the fact that it’s always on my mind because it... I’m just quite like stressed, like: ‘oh, surely, no, like, I’m wearing a... a tampon and I’m wearing a pad,’ but I still... you know, it’s just a bit stressful like being in school and not being at home where it’s just like, you know, that... like it doesn’t matter, like you’re at home and, you know, you can go to the bathroom anytime, you know that sort of thing, and you’re just kind of... and it’s just like on your mind, and I think that does probably affect me in a way that, yeah, it’s just another thing that I’m kind of stressed about, like: ‘oh, like, oh, you know, like have I leaked?’ even if it... even like... but, you know, it’s just something... And I know all my friends, they... they’ve like... we all just get... we’re... even though it’s completely like not... yeah, like...
I guess worrying about it means it’s in my mind more, which kind of makes me also more aware of like pain, like as in if it was... I guess if it was just pain without, you know, that kind of stress, in someways I guess, yeah, it might be easier to handle because you are only... it’s only one thing and you can kind of see if you can block it out. But yeah, I guess in your... when I’m also stressed, it just makes you more aware of it because it’s like you’re just... if you’re thinking about something you’re gonna be like focusing on that more, so in someways probably, yeah, yeah.
Grace learned about toxic shock syndrome from friends and social media. She thinks it can be scary finding out things in this way, and thinks young people should be taught about it.
Grace learned about toxic shock syndrome from friends and social media. She thinks it can be scary finding out things in this way, and thinks young people should be taught about it.
The same with like I... I have learnt that... but I don’t think I’ve been taught this, but just like from... probably from friends and just maybe from social media, stuff about like toxic shock syndrome from like... like sanitary products... product, mm, which is like again like quite scary, and even if it’s not some things that could like... would actually like happen, even if... even if it’s a rare thing it’s like just the fact that like I don’t really know much about it, but I’ve heard of it, but it’s not like... I don’t know, I feel like that should also be...
Just something that you learn about?
Yeah, I think... yeah.
’cause how does it feel when you then find things like that out that... that you hadn’t felt prepared about?
It’s just like... it’s just another thing, isn’t it? Because it’s like now not only am I dealing with something that’s like uncomfortable and it... like it could actually possibly like be dangerous if I don’t, like, you know, do it the right way, or something, and that’s quite scary, especially of again, you haven’t actually been taught it, so you don’t even know if what you know is completely true, and you don’t know like how to, yeah, kind of like handle it ’cause you’re like: ‘actually, am I being scared for a reason?’ or like: ‘how likely is this to happen?’ so it’ll just be good for like to... to know properly before just hearing about it, but... yeah.
And then... yeah, so... and can... when are you are looking at things, what would sort of make... where do you look... where... how do you know if information’s trustworthy? Is that something that you think about—
Yeah.
—with all of these things really?
I think... I don’t know. I think like I have definitely gone on like the NHS app before.
Yeah.
And I guess, yeah, and I’ve Googled things. I definitely remember Googling things because... also because you get some information actually, I realise on the... for example something like toxic shock syndrome: it says on like the side of tampon boxes and stuff, you know, recommended time, and it gives that. So, I just feel like things like that I kind of... you know, I take into account. And then also, again, just talking with people I know, seeing what they like. I mean obviously there’s not much like they could know from... and like they could have looked at dodgy websites as well, but something about... and again, just like comparing experiences, what they think, like... yeah, yeah. I guess I don’t really know though, as in like I’m not actually 100 percent sure still on some of these things, which I can’t...which is kind of why it should be like...
Grace finds that when her pain is bad, resting and lying down is what she prefers – though being active can also help. Standing without moving is hardest, which can be difficult in her Saturday job.
Grace finds that when her pain is bad, resting and lying down is what she prefers – though being active can also help. Standing without moving is hardest, which can be difficult in her Saturday job.
You just, so when you feel like that, how do you... how do you react, how do you manage that?
I would say like I kind of just like... I kind of... I kind of just stay in bed, like at the end of the day like when it’s at its worst, which is when it really affects me, it’s only really like when it’s really bad, the first day, so then hopefully if I can, you know, just kind of stay in bed. Like I find it much easier to be like lying, or sitting down, rather than just... Or even being active in some ways, taking my mind off it, rather than just... What I really don’t like is just standing up, but not moving, which is... sounds kind of odd, sounds like... sounds like maybe like moving or like doing exercise would make it worse, but if anything, just like standing up but not moving is kind of worse, so anything to avoid that really. Or like also things like maybe I’ll take some like, you know, paracetamol or something, yeah.
No, I think that’s really interesting. So, standing up and standing—
Yeah.
—still is... is... And so, what... are there situations where that might happen that you tend to avoid, or that you would worry about?
Let’s say like... like if I’m... if I’m working, I just have a part-time job, I’m... I’m basically just like serving customers, but often I end up just being in a place where I’m not walking about loads, but I’m just kind of like... you know, like strolling about kind of... or even if I’m at school and I’m just like at breaktime with my friends, we’ll just kind of... we like stand up outside, I’m just like... I just find that uncomfortable and I’m just like... I just feel I really need to be sitting down basically, yeah.
Grace finds talking about periods hard, but sharing experiences with her friends helps her feel better about managing with her periods and period pain.
Grace finds talking about periods hard, but sharing experiences with her friends helps her feel better about managing with her periods and period pain.
Like I personally, I’m not actually... I wouldn’t describe myself as someone who’s like really up for just... like I guess I... maybe you kind of picked up like talking about that type of thing to like loads of people, but like I... I don’t, I wouldn’t say I even talk to like my close family, like I wouldn’t say, “I’m on my period,” even if it’s like my sister or my Mum. But actually, my friends, like even like surprisingly to me I’ve actually felt a lot better after just talking to them about things and just sharing experiences, and just knowing are people like... like, you know: “Yeah, like, oh, yeah, I felt like that,” you know, actually makes a difference, and I feel like I might... I was kind of... that... I wasn’t really expecting that just because I didn’t really think I was the type of person who that... really, but it... it does, so like if you’re comfortable with that, it’s actually something... yeah.
And... and so then the response that is helpful is that shared experience and kind of realising that other people...?
Yeah, yeah, it’s not even... obviously people can help you if you have like an issue, that’s great if you can get advice from your friends, but something, not even advice, just like: “I have that too,” or like: “yeah, like, oh, I... as well,” you know just like shared experiences?
Grace feels “self-conscious” talking about periods and period pain, and was surprised to feel better after she did share with friends.
Grace feels “self-conscious” talking about periods and period pain, and was surprised to feel better after she did share with friends.
You know, and I think it’s kind of just like I feel... I struggle, like self-conscious about being: “Oh, yeah, like, oh, I had a really bad period, I felt really like... I felt really sick, I had a really bad period,” like it feels a bit... I don’t know. And often I think there’s also a stereotype that like... I don’t know. I find sometimes I realise talking to male friends that I have, sometimes when I felt really ill, because I’m on my period, I actually... I say like: “Oh, I felt really... I felt so ill yesterday, I felt terrible,” and I don’t actually say: “because I’m on my period,” and like I know... like, I don’t know, I don’t know if like that will change their judgement like, you know, I... I think they’re very nice people, like that they wouldn’t... wouldn’t judge, but like I just think there’s something about it which people may... like people automatically think, ‘oh, it’s not that bad,’ you know?
Yeah.
So, like I guess... and some parts of that obviously it’s kind of like in my head as well, so I probably... for that reason, yeah, and I wouldn’t.
OK.
Yeah.
So, a sense that having your period isn’t a reason...?
Yeah, and I think even though people are aware that that’s like, you know, that’s kind of wrong, it’s still, at the end of the day, it’s still kind of like... it... it still affects it, you know, and it’s still kind of... you still kind of like don’t wanna be like saying, “Oh, yeah, like, I was just like on my period,” like, I don’t know, there’s still something about that, which... yeah.
So, it sound... yeah, it sounds like talking about periods is... is something that you think quite carefully about—
Yeah.
—or that’s a little bit tricky?
Yeah. I think I think that’s quite... that is quite a problem like for lots of people, but I don’t know, I don’t know if it’s partly for me because I’m just... you know, me, myself, like, oh, I... I don’t really like that, or... I don’t know, but I just personally avoid it if I can because of maybe what people would think and, you know, think, ‘oh, that means she doesn’t feel that bad,’ but also just because I just... like even though this prob... it’s probably bad, you know feel a bit weird sitting on , yeah I’ve got my period, like however... I don’t know, well.
I think like maybe one of... although it might sound a bit like cringy in some ways, it would be obviously if you feel comfortable actually talking to other people. Like I personally, I’m not actually... I wouldn’t describe myself as someone who’s like really up for just... like I guess I... maybe you kind of picked up like talking about that type of thing to like loads of people, but like I... I don’t, I wouldn’t say I even talk to like my close family, like I wouldn’t say, “I’m on my period,” even if it’s like my sister or my Mum. But actually, my friends, like even like surprisingly to me I’ve actually felt a lot better after just talking to them about things and just sharing experiences, and just knowing are people like... like, you know: “Yeah, like, oh, yeah, I felt like that,” you know, actually makes a difference, and I feel like I might... I was kind of... that... I wasn’t really expecting that just because I didn’t really think I was the type of person who that... really, but it... it does, so like if you’re comfortable with that, it’s actually something... yeah.
Grace wouldn’t have thought about going to the doctor before she had heard of endometriosis on the TV. She thinks young people should be taught about this.
Grace wouldn’t have thought about going to the doctor before she had heard of endometriosis on the TV. She thinks young people should be taught about this.
I don’t think so. I think ’cause the thing that... the... when it’s like people telling me when I’m younger, that’s all kind of from primary school or like, you know, really early secondary school, so I’m not completely sure. But I don’t really think so. I think ’cause obviously I know it’s endometriosis, that’s a thing, I think I only learnt what that was through I think it was like television programme.
Yeah.
That could have been mentioned to me before, but not that I would remember, and I feel like maybe if it was, I kind of would have remembered in a way, like ’cause it’s like, you know, that’s a serious condition, like... So, I’m not... I’m not sure, yeah.
Yeah. Because I feel like especially when I was younger, although I didn’t really think about it much, like I probably wouldn’t ever really think if I did have a problem of like going to the doctor just because I would kind of think... not even because I would think, ‘oh, it’s my period,’ just because I didn’t really think that was like a... a thing that you could even experience because I didn’t know about something like endometriosis, or just whatever, so... yeah.
Grace says that just because pain is normal, it doesn’t mean you have to “carry on like usual”. She thinks schools should teach people about conditions like endometriosis.
Grace says that just because pain is normal, it doesn’t mean you have to “carry on like usual”. She thinks schools should teach people about conditions like endometriosis.
But just because it’s normal does not mean... does not mean it... like you have to carry on like usual. I think that is like for something that should be stressed because that’s just... yeah, like... yeah. And also just, I guess, the same with not even pain, but just like how you’re feeling, ’cause obviously people, you know, get like... it changes your emotions and stuff, and I think partly that might be because of... yeah, and... yeah, I think that’s probably the main thing. And also, yeah, I guess about like conditions like endometriosis, like I think that’s important people do know because, yeah, at some point it’s not normal to be experiencing that pain, but if people have always been saying, “You might experience pain,” people don’t know when that’s normal and when it’s not.
Grace hasn’t been told much about the benefits and side effects which makes the thought of hormonal contraception medicines for periods is a bit scary.
Grace hasn’t been told much about the benefits and side effects which makes the thought of hormonal contraception medicines for periods is a bit scary.
Like there’s a big thing about like side effects of it, and I’m like, I don’t know, that just scares me a bit because I just think it’s kind of unfair in a way, that I’m like, this just seems like such a dangerous thing that’s kind of like... I don’t know, even if more good comes out of it, than bad, it’s just like... obviously there’s gonna be risks with lots of medication, but it just seems like... I don’t... I don’t know. I’m like: sure it might help me for periods in some way, but like... I don’t know, it just seemed a kind of scary thing especially of... again, yeah, ’cause I have heard of... you know, that is a solution, but they don’t... I think at the same time they should probably like inform us about the benefits and the side effects because I say this without really knowing what all the side effects are, so maybe that isn’t actually as much as I think, but the fact that I don’t know that, I’m like maybe they should, you know, stress that a bit more.