Emily Z

Brief Outline:

Emily Z is 16. She started her periods in Year 7. She was excited about starting her periods, and reflected on the messages she had experienced about joining the world of woman-hood. They were not initially painful, but have become more difficult over time and are now long, heavy and painful. She had her period during her GCSE exams, and worried about the impact of her period on these. She finds the sensory experience of blood and pain difficult which can complicate her experience of periods, for example she does not feel able to swim when she has her period, which can make periods on things like holidays difficult. She has emotional changes through her period, and has been diagnosed with PMS/PMDD. She worries about taking hormones, like in contraceptive pills, and would like doctors to offer more information about risks and side effects, as well as making sure other options are offered equally to people with difficulties with their periods.

Emily Z felt left out before starting her period, even though she started relatively early compared with her friends. She is grateful that her early periods were not painful or heavy.

So, I got my period quite early. I developed... I started puberty when I was in Year 4 and I got my period when I was in Year 7. I think it was around February that I got it, and I very much wanted it, like I was one of those girls that felt very left out. Not even left out, because not... I was... I was very much like an early developer, and all of my friends got their periods much later, so I was one of the first. But I did... I did kinda feel like I wanted it and it made me all grown up and... Yeah, no, I think my periods were rather like carefree at the start. They weren’t... they weren’t very heavy, they... they were just... they were just kind of, you know, like normal and fine, and I knew that periods’ change. They were like quite irregular. I didn’t have the thing where you have your period and then you have a break and then you have it again, just very much every month. But it was kind of, I didn’t really know when it was. It could have been like around the 10th, could have been around the 20th; it was... it was very irregular. I was very lucky though because I didn’t have any pain and I am very grateful that when I was younger, I didn’t have any pain, so... Yeah, I didn’t... I didn’t experience any pain. It was... it was mostly fine, you know, very much like using pads and... like just kind of how like a... like a child would like cope with a period.

Emily Z relates her PMS/PMDD to hormonal changes, and wishes there was more research and information about this.

And especially like talking about like emotions and how you feel and different like symptoms and side effects, like not necessarily: “Oh, like, periods happen because the uterus is shedding its lining,” obviously we know that, but why we feel sad during that time, and like talking more about hormones, and just I think it will be so helpful and like it would let so many young girls that really struggle with their identity, know themselves a little bit more of why I feel sad on that day, or why I feel happy. And especially there’s should be a section on PMD, PMDD, because there’s not enough research at all about that. And as someone who experienced it and felt like they were crazy, yeah, I feel like there needs to be, you know, more research on that and there needs to be a good page talking about that as well.

Emily Z, who has PMS/PMDD, thinks it’s “insulting” to put all emotions down to hormones and periods.

I do feel like in school it’s quite shameful. Not when you’re with other girls, I think in terms of boys: boys will be like: “Are you on your period?” Like I’ve had... like I’ve had people say that to me because I’ve been angry or upset. And like some of the time I was on my period when they say that, but other times I wasn’t, and it’s... it’s always like: “Are you on your period, like is that why you’re so grumpy?” like, you know? And it’s such... it’s such and like an insulting thing to say because it’s like: ‘but like we don’t just feel pain emotionally because we’re on... on our periods, there are other reasons.’ It’s almost like saying, “Oh, the only reason that you’re feeling pain is because of your... because of what your body’s doing right now.” It’s almost like excusing it, like and not... excusing our feelings and excusing us.

Although she doesn’t really like taking medicines, Emily Z finds that ibuprofen does help with her period pain, though having to take it after food can make her feel a bit nauseous.

I didn’t really like taking meds. And even though I did take meds, I’m now like taking more ibuprofen and it does help…., I mean literally the only thing that helps me is... is really strong ibuprofen; that is the only thing that I found that really helps.  So, I’ll just take... I’ll just take an ibuprofen and then I obviously have to eat first, so it means I have to like eat breakfast and I don’t really like eating in the morning, it makes... it can make me feel quite nauseous. So, I have to... I have to eat and then I take that, and then I take like two more throughout the day, maybe three if it’s... if it’s really bad.

Emily Z is autistic. When her period pain feels overwhelming, she uses stimming to manage, rolling on the floor to distract herself.

I’d have to like... I would have to like roll around on the floor and like distract myself. And ’cause... ’cause I’m autistic, I was... I was stimming a lot, and I don’t normally do that unless I’m anxious, but I was doing it so much because my body didn’t know how to cope, so the only things I could do was by releasing energy from other parts of my body. So, I was basically just... you know, I do know kind of natural ways to help period cramps, ’cause I’ve done my research and I was... I was trying to do yoga, and luckily it subsided after like three hours, but it was incredibly painful and it hasn’t happened since.

Emily Z had a conversation about period pain with a female teacher with endometriosis which she didn’t find it supportive or validating.

And I think it was kind of just like a kind of: “Oh, come in, like, oh, you’re in pain with your periods.” And some men wouldn’t really understand it and they’d be like: “Oh, have you taken medication?” And I remember speaking to a... a woman actually, and she was one of... she was one of... I think she was a head of year. She’s... she’s... yeah, she’s left our... our school now, but she was a head of year and she... I think she was talking about her experience with endometriosis, and I was... I was complaining about cramps because I was... I am very broken about when I’m in pain ’cause I can’t physically like not shut up about it – which isn’t great – but I was just... you know? It’s not about wanting to be the centre of attention, it’s just that I can’t not express how I feel; I’m a very expressive person. And I... I had a heat pack on. I had actually taken medication, but it just hadn’t kicked in, or done anything, and she was kind of like: “Well, like, oh, like you can... you can get through it, you can do it because like I have endometriosis and you don’t know what it’s like to have that.” And it was... obviously, it was quite... it was quite... how do you... how do you describe it...? It’s quite ex... exclude... exclude... like how do you say...? it was... it was more dismissive, and it really irritated me because although I don’t have endometriosis, I still do get period pain. And obviously I don’t know what the experience is like for her, but she almost kind of undermined me, and I was like: “It is hard for... like obviously it’s even harder for you, but it can still be hard for most people, and just because you take meds doesn’t mean it’s gonna work and you’ll be fine. Like I’m still in pain and I still need a heat pack.” Like she was... it wasn’t... it wasn’t a very pleasant conversation to have, ’cause I especially thought as a woman, that she’d be more like, you know: “I’m... I’m... I’m sorry that you’re going through this, like it does really hurt,” but with women, es... especially like older women, it’s more like: “Oh, you just have to suck it up,” and it’s just like: “No, like it’s a painful thing that we’re going through, I don’t want to shut up about it.” Like, you know? So that really did irritate me a lot. And obviously I didn’t... I didn’t really listen to her about like sucking it up, I was like: “No, like, it is painful,” and I think she thought I was using it as an excuse, and it just... it really did irritate me, and I don’t like when people use their problems to invalidate others, and that’s what I feel like she was doing. And yeah, I just... it really irritated me, especially ’cause she was like a member of staff. But no, I think that it is... it is... it is really difficult to talk to... to people when they do have an attitude like that, personally.

Emily Z has autism which can affect her sensory experience, and adds to difficulties with managing periods and period pain.

It was... obviously, I don’t know what being in labour is like, but that... that kind of pain was almost excruciating, and it was... it was so unbearable compared to my normal cramps. I’d have to like... I would have to like roll around on the floor and like distract myself. And ’cause... ’cause I’m autistic, I was... I was stimming a lot, and I don’t normally do that unless I’m anxious, but I was doing it so much because my body didn’t know how to cope, so the only things I could do was by releasing energy from other parts of my body.

But I went on holiday three weeks ago and I had to be in bed for like three days on my period, which was... yeah, it was horrible ’cause I couldn’t swim in the sea because I... I don’t like... I don’t like the sensory feeling of like periods – I hate them – and it would just be horrible if I was in the sea and like... I couldn’t even imagine it. So, for me personally, I was just like: ‘no, not doing it.’ So, I had to stay... I... I stayed in bed.

So, I definitely... I see it as like a... not that... I don’t wanna say like a blessing and a curse, but I do... sometimes I do see it as a burden, especially if I wanna go swimming or I wanna do things, it does... I don’t feel like I’m very able to do things some days ’cause I’ll literally be in... and just in... and be in bed and doing absolutely nothing, which is very annoying. It does... it definitely doesn’t help because I like exercising and I can’t really exercise as much on my period, because I hate... it’s more like a... this is more like a sensory thing for me, but I hate the feeling of blood; it... I just feel so gross on my period. Not like... as in like I’m disgusted with myself – just the texture – but that’s just to do with my sensory issues, but...