Rahma

Brief Outline:

Rahma is 20. She had not heard of periods before they started. She didn’t find pads very comfortable or easy to manage, but has been happy managing with tampax. She gets mild cramps which are manageable. She experienced her friends having a really hard time with their periods, and wasn’t sure how to make sense of how her periods fitted in initially. She reflects that there is still strong messaging or stereotype that pain is a normal and expected part of periods and womanhood. She has learned about periods, and possibly associated health conditions, and treatment options through reading and speaking with friends, and has found this valuable and would like to see it taught in school. Her school enabled open dialogue and support around periods including access to toilets. She reflects that some people experience discrimination around gender and menstruation, and on stigma and taboo associated with hormonal contraception, and that in her view it is critical to work to tackle this stigma. She would like to see better education about different options to manage menstrual bleeding, including more environmentally friendly options. Clips are read by an actor.

Rahma hadn’t heard of periods before she started and thought she had been bitten by a fish whilst swimming when she first saw blood on her pants, until her mother realised and explained (read by an actor).

Mm. I was sort of more on the average side, ’cause I think, I could be wrong, but I think a lot of girls’ periods start when they’re 11, 12, like average, on average: mine started when I was 12 on the dot. So, for me, I think I had a unique experience in that I hadn’t learnt about it before I had my period, so I had no idea it existed. I had absolutely no idea. So, I think when I first got it, I thought I got bitten by a fish, because I was swimming a lot, so I thought, ‘oh, did I get hurt down there?’ But I think later on my mum realised, OK... she looked at the stain and she was like: “OK, you’ve got your period.” And I think my reaction to it’s very negative. I sort of thought it was gross, and I thought it was not the best, and I thought it was weird. And I think a lot of it was because I didn’t know about it. So, not the best.

OK. No, I’m—

But I didn’t have a lot of pain, actually. I think, for me, it was very painless. It was just a lot of blood. That was it.

Mm, OK. Yeah, I’m sorry, that... and that does sound like quite a difficult way to start.

Yeah.

Had... had there been lessons in school and you hadn’t been to them, or had there not really been anything?

I just... there were no lessons. I did go to them, but it happened afterwards. So then at that point when we were being taught, I was like: ‘yeah, I know what it is, I have it,’ you know?

Rahma was signposted to a sexual health website through school resources. She found this really useful. She read about various conditions, and also about using hormonal contraception as a treatment for period pain (read by an actor).

Yeah, I’m interested in what you kinda found when you went out to look up periods, hormones, women...?

Yeah. I think I... at my sixth form it was quite interesting: we had lots of signposts for different things that we could use. So, one of them was, I think, a sexual wellbeing website called Brook, but I think that’s in [city name], maybe?

No, no that one’s national, I think.

National. I don’t know.—

Yeah, I think that one is, yeah.

But... yeah. I think that one was quite interesting because it was very comprehensive. They sort of had a list of all the different contraception types and that’s kind of how I realised: ‘OK, a lot of the side effects make sense,’ ’cause they list some of the side effects. And I think, yeah, what my friends are telling me about, makes more sense. But then through that, I think I started coming across things like: OK, so there’s not just temporary contraception, there’s also permanent contraception, like things like tubal ligation or vasectomies and things like that. And then I realised, OK, what about infertility? Because I know that some people... I think contraception is for people who do not want to get pregnant, but infertility is a little bit more like the choice is a little... the choice is less your own now because your body kind of decided for you that you’re... it’s going to be harder. So I thought, ‘OK, is there just one flat condition that makes you in... infertile?’ But no, there’s all these different things, and PCOS was one of them, and... yeah.

Yeah, that’s really interesting. Do you think if your school hadn’t signposted you, would you ever have found the Brook’s website?

No.

No.

No. I think I just saw it and I was like: ‘I could use it for, like, education ’cause I have no idea what... what’s going on,’ you know?

So, you got the signposting but not necessarily the... the lessons, but they did...? And you said that you had done quite... I mean, you’ve obviously done quite a lot of reflecting on hormonal contraception and you’ve come across it as a thing to use in periods: do you have any thoughts on what your perspective on that would be?

That’s the thing. I do know one person specifically, and I think when I was looking for the... when I was doing the first research for the Brooks thing, she... I had her in mind, because in secondary school she was actually using birth control for her periods. So, I did also understand that... ’cause unfortunately a lot of people assume: ‘oh, birth control, are you in a relationship?’ you know? Whereas actually, no, you don’t have to be in a relationship to have birth control. You do not have to be with somebody to have birth control; a lot of people use it for different things like period pain, you know.

Rahma would like to diversify the conversation about menstrual products to include other options, and demystify tampons. She thinks reducing stigma would help women keep active and champion women’s sport (read by an actor).

I think as well, education around especially destroying the idea... I think for a lot of conservative backgrounds as well, a lot of people associate the tampon with like that... the virginity, and stuff, ‘and you shouldn’t put anything up there,’ or like: ‘it ruins your virginity,’ when it’s like, that’s ridiculous. It’s plastic, you know? I think that as well because I think for a lot of conservative communities, it’s just pads, pads, and pads, rather than looking at other alternatives. ’cause I do know that for a lot of young girls, obviously ’cause you’re young and, you know, it’s... it’s a boundary thing, you don’t wanna be uncomfortable, pads are just so much easier. But I do think that actually being in class and saying, “Hey, menstrual cup.” “Hey, this.” “Hey,” that is so good, you know?

Yeah, but it’s not happening, is it?

It’s not happening and I think it’s so important because when I started using tampons, I realised this is it. I think a lot of people stop doing sports because pads are just so sad. You know, pads are just not great, like they... they squish and they’re not... you know, they don’t do what they should be doing when you’re walking around. So, when I started wearing tampons, I felt this is exactly what I needed. This will help me swim, this will help me actually not miss out, you know? I think that was a thing when I was younger and going to swimming lessons, I felt like I had to miss out, but then I discovered...—

That you didn’t.

—didn’t, because there’s tampons, there’s menstrual cups, which again, environmentally friendly as well and very good. Reusable. So...

But you’re not given the information to make those decisions.

And it’s just pads, pads, and pads, and that’s not a bad thing, but I think—

But there’s...

—in order to champion women’s sports and bring more women to be active, it’s so important to diversify and lessen the stigma, because tampons have such a stigma, so lessen the stigma is one thing.

Rahma has just started at university and valued the open-ness of an induction talk about periods in front of the whole year, and the access to free period products but would like them in all toilets and not restricted by gender (read by an actor).

And when you came out of that and got to university, and navigating, that’s all been OK?

Yeah, no, I do know that we did have a EDI talk in like induction week where they talked about a red box scheme at uni where they would have like free period products in a red box in all the campus buildings, and they tried to like make it as accessible. Because I think as well, unfortunately, the fact that we have to pay for it isn’t the best, but I think... I mean, Co-op does sell it for 75p, so, you know, like... And that’s OK. Yeah. And with a part-time job, I’m quite helpful in that I don’t have to worry about paying for, like, 75p, you know? But I do know that it is still not the best. But I think when you get it so sudden and you might not have the products, then it’s always good to just grab it quickly and be like: ‘OK, it’s there.’ ‘I’ve got it in the bag’? Yes. Yeah. And it’s just the box is right there so I can just take it out, so it’s all good. And I like that the uni did that. Yeah. So, I think... And the fact that they mentioned it in basically a lecture theatre in front of everyone, yeah, they’re removing the stigma.— That feels like progress, doesn’t it? Yeah. That really does feel like progress. It’s no longer hush-hush. It’s no longer all the boys leave the room, you know? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is... that is really positive.

Mm. And... and there’s things that you were talking about: menstruation and gender and it being in all the toilets, is also, I think, progress?

Yes. I think... I don’t know too much about it being in all the toilets, but I would like for it to be in all of the toilets, I think, especially with people who are transmasc and people who are non-binary, it is important because the person might look, outwards, they might be passing for just a regular male, but they might have other access things that they will need. So, I don’t think it should just be in the girls’ toilet. But unfortunately, I do think that maybe in my sixth form, it was only in the girls’ toilet.

Rahma doesn’t really get marked period pain. When talking to her friends, this could leave her feeling confused and a “bit left out” (read by an actor).

Yeah. And what... did you ever have to leave any lessons, or did your friends ever have to leave any lessons, or kinda talk to teachers?

Mm, I think because my experience, I felt that maybe I was a bit left out, because my experience of period pain was not severe at all. It was just the occasional cramp or the occasional uncomfortable, but I never suffered any of this, oh, my God, it’s like you’re being stabbed 10 times, like I’ve never experienced that, so I thought, ‘oh, OK, so am I a bit more lucky or just healthy?

And... and one of the things that I got really, really interested in is about how people get that sense of comparing, how people make sense of their periods compared to other people’s, and how much they talk to their friends. I don’t know if you have any thoughts on... on?

I think... I think a lot of people, especially when you’re young, you want to fit in with the people around you, so sometimes if you feel like your experience does not match up to other people, you feel a bit left out and like: ‘oh, is there something wrong with me, or is... is there something wrong with them, or...?’ you know? But for me, I think a lot of it was just confusion because I thought that I didn’t have everyone else’s experience, so maybe my period was just... I would often dismiss my period a lot because I’d be like: ‘OK, well, mine’s never been bad, so I can’t complain,’ yeah.

Rahma worries that when period pain is normalised, it makes it harder for people to advocate for themselves. She thinks it is time to “dismantle the stereotype” (read by an actor).

Yes. And I think the problem is that people are very dismissive of women’s health and they often just say that it’s just period pain and the normalisation of extreme pain, or just pain in general, has caused people to kind of just associate suffering and a woman just being in pain with: ‘oh, it must be your period.’ I think that’s what a lot of people struggle with as they go to a GP or they try to advocate for themselves and it’s just dismissed because of the stereotype that is: ‘oh, this is just normal, being in pain is normal.’ Whereas, I’ve not been in pain like that, so I don’t know how normal it can be. But then that’s just my experience, yeah.

And you said something about kind of pain and bleeding getting normalised,— —and also being dismissed: do you have any thoughts on where that kinda comes from or how that gets kind of pushed into people’s ideas?

I think that’s the problem, it literally started at a very young age where everything was just about: ‘this is period pain. This problem is just your period. It will go. It’s not that bad,’ you know? And I think because, me, I did not experience any of that pain, I started to think, ‘well, that’s a bit silly ’cause that’s not my experience and I don’t feel pain in my period, so you can’t dismiss it as my period,’ you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I think for some people their go-to... unfortunately, their go-to, like, target is: ‘I’m in pain. It’s probably my menstrual cycle.’ But that’s the thing, I think we need to dismantle the stereotype, is what I think. There’s a lot of stereotypes about womanhood and what makes you a woman and what doesn’t make you a woman, and unfortunately people associate being in pain during your period as a like quintessential experience of womanhood like: ‘you haven’t experienced womanhood unless you’ve been punched in the gut by your cramps,’ you know? Whereas some people don’t experience that. Like me, I don’t get gut-punching, like I want to sleep in bed for 10 days, yeah.

Rahma observes that people with painful periods might just stay home from school rather than go to see a GP. She thinks they may be worried about the GP suggesting they take ‘hormones’ (read by an actor).

I think what you’re saying is that then that kind of feeds into maybe people not expecting much of doctors or not trusting doctors?

That’s the thing, because I do know that a lot of people do just do their own— Research. —medicine at home, or they just let... I think a lot of people just let the pain... they just take their ibuprofens and pills, you know, —rather than: ‘I’m gonna go to the GP.’ There’s not a lot of: ‘I’m gonna go to the GP,’ and more: ‘I’m just going to not go to school today,’ you know? Yeah. And that’s exactly what I’m trying to work out, if there’s anything...

About any ideas about what might change that balance? ’cause in my head I’d quite like people to get to the GP, and maybe find something that can help them, and then be able to enjoy school. Not just get to school, but enjoy school.

I think also just the fact that, like, birth control is used as, like, a solution, especially for a lot of parents they might think, ‘oh, it’s not that we think... it’s not that we don’t want our daughter to be safe,’ it’s just more: ‘I don’t know if putting a child on hormone-altering things is a great idea,’ you know? It’s less about: ‘oh, she cannot have a boyfriend,’ more: ‘I don’t want her to alter her hormones when she’s growing,’ you know? Yeah.

But that’s a really important concern because I think people quite often assume it’s about the stigma, but I think... I think what you’re saying is really important, that it’s actually also worrying as a parent about the medicine and what this would be like.

Yeah, ’cause even the parent might say, like: “I went on this and it wasn’t the best, and, you know, I can’t imagine a child going through it,” you know? Yeah.

Rahma thinks it is important for health professionals to ask about people’s wider health and other conditions, and recognise that people might have a number of relevant concerns or considerations. This can include FGM (female genital mutilation).

Yes. I think it’s really important because, unfortunately, like things like FGM (female genital mutilation) impact so many women and it is something where if it’s impacting this many women, you have to be aware of it as a health professional because... And it’s interesting ’cause I went to one of my GPs in [city name] and they did ask if I had been subjected to it. So, the fact that it was even asked as a question was pretty good because it showed that they were being as, like, inclusive as they could. It wasn’t just: you have to be the most healthy person in the world, otherwise it’s bad, you know? But like they would ask all the different things that you might go through: “Do you go through this condition? Do you go through that condition? Have you had this experience? Have you had that experience?” It’s important because everyone’s experience is different, but also so many people have the same experiences, you know? So, it isn’t just a case of like one percent of the population go through this. But no, it’s a lot of people, but a... a lot of different people. So, someone might have both PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), but also have been subjected to FGM, or someone might be going through hormonal therapy, so they might be getting testosterone and they’re transitioning, but they also have infertility, so for them that’s another thing. And being intersectional is important, yeah.