Sage

Brief Outline:

Sage is 18 and in her first year at university. She started her periods in primary school. She was well prepared for starting her periods by her mother and has grown up in a household where everyone is comfortable with talking about periods. She has noticed that other people can feel awkward about this though, which has impacted on her comfort in talking about periods somewhat, especially in front of boys. She has heavy periods and often vomits, faints, or feels dizzy. She and her mum went to see a GP, which she found helpful. She tried a medication which made her bleed daily, so she stopped that, and is now using iron tablets for her anaemia. She has very marked cramps, often in the middle of the night, especially just before or at the start of her periods. She does not find ibuprofen helps, but paracetamol sometimes does. Her school did not allow students to be given paracetamol, and so she and her friends would carry them and help each other. She has found that a weighted cuddly heat up frog is very helpful. She worried about the possible impact of her period pain on her exams, and thinks rest breaks for people with period problems would help. She wishes she had known about period pants earlier. She values having free products easily available in gender neutral toilets at University.

Sage is sent home when from school she vomits with her periods, which can feel a bit frustrating when she feels ok again shortly afterwards and it happens most months.

Does it kinda impact on you at school, or... or does it ever stop you doing anything, or... or miss school, things like that?

I’ve had to go home from school quite a few times ’cause like I get them... I got really bad ones, so a lot of times I end up throwing up, and like the school nurse is always like: “You should just go home, like you shouldn’t be here anymore.” I was like: “I was fine up until five minutes ago, OK, I am not sick, I’m just suddenly in agony,” and then I’m home, and I... I like take a nap, and then like two hours later I’m fine again, and it’s like, can I go back to school? Why am I missing things?

So, do you think it was it the pain that got you sent home, or was it the fact that you’d vomited and then they like sent you home?

I think it’s more the fact that I vomited ’cause like I was... I’m... you know, it’s like a regular thing, it’s once a month, so a lot of times I’d just like have paracetamol, call it a day, and just like go through with it, and sometimes I go like, not really be there mentally in class ’cause I’m sitting there in pain, so I’ll just like ask my friends for notes, or like I’ll like sit it out for most of the day, but I’m still kind of in school.

Sage uses a scheduling app that said her period was due during her exams.

I was really worried ’cause it was, according to like Flo, scheduling-wise, it was supposed to be like right when I was... like in the middle of exams, and I was worried that I was like gonna have like a terrible time and I would have to like run to the bathroom every minute, and like I was really worried about having to skip one day because of the pain, but I was really lucky, and my stress took over, so I just didn’t show up. I also, I have rest breaks, so I was a little less worried about having to go to the toilet ’cause I could do so and still go back and still have like the time for my exam, but I was... just the concept of it.

Sage was unwell with her period and period pain on a trek and couldn’t finish the walk, though was able to get to the final destination by travelling on the bus.

I was with my friends and we did like this whole... it was a whole trip, like we were helping the community and building stuff, and we also had this point where like we went to [location], and the... it was just five days that we were like trekking to [place name], and my period started on the second day, and that, with altitude, and like probably something I ate, killed me, like it completely knocked me out. I threw up a ton, and it was literally, it turned pitch black at some point, and I was like: ‘why... why are you in this colour?’ And I... like I could barely walk, so I had to stop the hike, and I was sent to a hotel to... well, I didn’t even make it to the bed, I kinda sat on the floor for a bit in agony. And then like as the days got by, ’cause like there was like three days which were my rest... resting-to-hell-and-back days, ’cause I couldn’t really do anything, and then it was like the third day, so like my period started to feel better, and I was like more used to the altitude, so I did end up going to [place name] so that was nice, but I had to take the bus ’cause I couldn’t walk.

Sage was not able to get pain relief for period pain in school until she was in the 6th form. She learned to carry paracetamol with her, for herself and also to be able to support other people who might need this.

Well, in sixth form it was great ’cause she was really nice and she’d be like: “Oh, have you had paracetamol? When was the last time you had it? Do you think it’d be best if you sent home? What if you just stayed in class, and like sat out kind of still in class, or would you just prefer to go home? Do you think you can make it home on your own, or do you want me call someone?” So nice, loved her.

Primary: that was not...  They offered me an ice pack sometimes, and it’s like: ‘that’s not gonna help at all, but thank you,’ and half the time I’d have to like convince them to let me call my parents so I could go home, which made them think I was faking it, and it’s like: ‘I’m about to throw up on your shoes, I swear I’m not.’

OK. So we’ve... yeah, there’s the bleeding and the worrying about flooding, the unpredictability, but sometimes really severe pain, going to the school nurse. And did... as a matter of... were you ever able to get more paracetamol or pain medicines from the school nurse?

No, because for some reason they like wouldn’t... or they weren’t allowed to like give you medication, which I understand like as a general concept, but like if it’s paracetamol of all things, and I’m telling you I’m in agonising pain, I feel like that should be something that there... they can give you, but like half the time, I’d like end up asking my friends, and if nobody had, I would have to go to the store, which in like primary and secondary like I couldn’t do, I couldn’t leave until the sixth form. So, like it’d be nice if they were able to give you at least paracetamol, like I guess ibuprofen, but it doesn’t really work for me, so I didn’t really think about that. But like ever since like I’ve... ever since? Like since like the first few times when I realised, they’re not gonna give me anything, like I always carry like a crap ton of paracetamol, even when I’m not on my period just so like I can give it to the people who need it; uh, I was like a drug dealer.

No. It sounds like people supporting their friends and trying to manage quite a difficult situation.  And if you were going kinda not regularly, but like more than one... like to the same school nurse, did... did they ever say this is a bit of a pattern, or... or have you... did you ever get any kinda wider advice, or was it always more just that episode when you were there? Do you see what I mean?

Well, I would try... like I would try to go to like a different person each time, just ’cause I felt like it was really awkward: if they didn’t help last time, like why would I go to that same person again? And like sometimes I would just end up with the same person, and they’d be like: “OK, like, I still don’t have any way of helping you,” and I’d be like: ‘yeah, this is why I didn’t go to you again.’

Sage started her periods at primary school, and it took time to learn how to confidently manage the bleeding. She worried a lot about leaking through, but her friends and teachers were kind and supportive which helped her.

And what was that like kinda managing periods when... at primary school in terms of kinda the setup for it, or... or how that worked?

Well, ’cause in primary school my like actual cramps hadn’t started yet, it was more like I was just really scared of like bleeding through into my trousers, which had happened quite a few times, ’cause I still wasn’t used to the blood flow. And like I didn’t know anything about like period underwear at the time; I only learnt about that recently actually. So, I just, I would put on pads, and sometimes I would even put on two pads ’cause I was just really worried about it going through. But like my friends are all really nice about it, ’cause like none of them got it until like a few years later, but they like understood I was having it, and like they had all had talks with their parents about it, so everyone was really nice, and like, you know, my friends would check me. And like the teachers, like they knew to like... they know in general to let the girls go to the toilet because of periods, but also like whenever I have started my period, I would kind of go to like one of the teachers I trust and tell them, just ’cause I was always really worried they just wouldn’t let me, and then I would bleed through onto the seat.

And when that... So that was a re... so that kinda worry about bleeding through, and the trousers, sounds like it was quite a big part of your primary school kinda, well, and possibly beyond.—

Yes.

When it did happen, can you remember how people reacted, or... or... or was it more just the worry about it?

It was more the worry about it. Like my friends like if they noticed they’d like give me a jumper to wrap around my waist, and they’d tell me about it, so I can try and like wash it off in the bathroom. But like other than that, I didn’t really... that was it. Although I do... I have a friend who once bled through, and like some guy pointed out that like there was blood on her chair, and like she like ran to the bathroom crying. So, I think that might have also added to being scared.

In primary school, Sage had to ask for any period products and cross to another building to the school office.

Well, my primary school didn’t have like any like pads or like tampons in the bathroom, and technically like if you had an emergency, you had to go like all the way to the secretary, which is like on the other side of the school, to ask them for a pad, and half the time they didn’t have one.

Ah.

So, most the time I just brought like a massive bag to school, and half the time I was giving them out to my friends too, ’cause like we just didn’t have them all the time.

OK. So, did any of the teachers have a supply, or it was just in the office?

Just in the office, and even then, it was sometimes.

OK. And did that change when you got to secondary school?

Yeah, my secondary school was... they were really good about it. They had like... like little baskets with just tons of pads and like tampons, and stuff, and like you could also go to the secretary and just like ask for more if they ran out, but they had it in every bathroom. And also like in sixth form, they had those baskets, and they had period underwear in there that you could take for free, and that’s where I found out about it.

Sage has always felt comfortable talking about periods with anyone, but has learned from the reactions of her peers and friends that this is not the case for everyone.

For me, personally, I think it’s to do with how I grew up ’cause like my Mum...  so for me, it was kind of normal. Like I would bring it up in random conversations and sometimes like I would get shushed, and I was like: “What... what do you mean?” and they’re like: “Oh, there’s like a boy walking by,” I was like: “OK, so?”  So sometimes I would find it awkward, but only ’cause other people made it awkward.

Yeah, and I think that is a really... that’s a really interesting observation. So, at home you’d learnt that it was fi... that you’d had this really open space—

Yeah.

—but then when you went out into the wider world...?

Yeah. And there’s like the whole... it’s like really taboo when talking like to boys specifically, and it’s like at home like I’m... I’ll yell in the bathroom and I’ll be like: “Pappy,” ’cause that’s what I call my dad, and like: “Pappy, we’re out of pads, go to the store.” Like it was just... and also ’cause like he’s like the only male in the house, like it’s all... we’re all girls.  So like to me it never seemed like something that should be awkward with guys, but I feel like maybe I’m a bit more awkward with it now, just ’cause like my friends have always been really awkward about it.

Yeah. So, it’s almost something that you’ve kind of learnt or developed through watching other people’s reactions?

Yeah.

OK. And you think... and in boys in particular?

Yeah, it’s always about the boys.

Sage appreciated that the toilets in her sixth form were all gender-neutral and that all the cubicles had period products in them.

And also, it might have just been like my secondary/primary school moment, ’cause like my sixth form was really fine and really good about like keeping the basket of pads. But like definitely have a basket of pads and tampons, like don’t just have it at Reception, because then you have to like really awkwardly go and talk to someone, and if one is in the bathroom, it’s like it’s perfect, ’cause you can just grab it right then.

And also, we had a kind of like gender-neutral bathroom situation. I think, technically, they were supposed to be like... ’cause it was like a section with like four bathrooms and like a wall in the middle, and I think, technically, it was female and male, but nobody paid attention to that, so it was just gender-neutral, and I feel like that helps, ’cause they also had a basket in every single bathroom, so it’s like anyone can get what they need …

That is really helpful, and actually probably feels... yeah. So that, for you, was quite an open and important part of it; that sounds like that was really helpful?

Yeah.

OK. That’s a very good bit of advice. Has that been the same at uni?

Well, they don’t have like a basket in the bathroom itself, but they have like a... in almost every bathroom so far, they’ve had like a dispenser for like pads and tampons, and it’s all for free. And I... I’d kinda prefer like if it was inside the bathroom itself, so it’s not like awkwardly taking it in front of everyone, but like the fact that it’s there is just like ‘thank you,’ at least.