Young people's experiences of periods and period pain
Learning about periods and period pain through experience
In this section we hear about:
Learning from others
Young people’s own experience was typically the starting point for their learning about periods and period pain.
When young people start their periods, they start a process of learning what their own periods are like, and how to make sense of them. Part of this process was working out how they might be different from other people’s experiences of periods and period pain. A few young people, including Jian, remembered being taught at school to expect that everyone’s experiences of periods could be different. However, this was unusual. Most young people we spoke with recalled that they only gained general knowledge about the expectations of periods and period pain during school lessons [see Learning about periods and period pain in school].
A number of young people, like Grace talked about how hearing that periods were expected to be painful could make it difficult to know how to ask for help or make sense of period pain: ‘I think just people saying that like... like the whole thing about feeling ill, and like, you know, feeling pain, that is normal, or obviously there’s points where it’s not normal, but just because it’s normal does not mean. …like you have to carry on like usual’. Abi summed this up by stressing that people need to feel prepared for the pain and be aware of treatment options. In her experience ‘they don’t prepare you for it, which is really harsh, but like that is normal, and that there are options out there’.
Lily thought it was normal to have period pain, because she had been told periods were painful. She thought she was ‘unlucky’ to not be able to go to school with the pain, until she read more about periods and period pain on her period app chat function.
Lily thought it was normal to have period pain, because she had been told periods were painful. She thought she was ‘unlucky’ to not be able to go to school with the pain, until she read more about periods and period pain on her period app chat function.
Can you tell me a bit about the pain that you’ve had with your periods, kind of, was it always there when it started, and... and what you kinda thought, what you... but yeah, what you thought, where you looked for information, or anything like that?
I think before I started using Flo, or before I went on those secret chats, or where... I... I would be sort of on the floor in pain feeling really, really sick, and like I couldn’t go to school because they were so painful. And I just thought that was normal, to be honest. I just thought that’s sort of how... how everyone experiences period pain – but appar... apparently not – because I... and compared to others, I did compare to others and so... “Do you experience this?” like: “No,” so I just thought I was a bit unlucky really with... with my period pain.
OK. So I was gu... I was gonna ask that. So... And the pain that you had, was that something that anyone had ever talked to you about in lessons, in preparation, or when you learnt about periods that they might be painful?
They did say they were painful, which, that’s sort of why I thought they were normal of... of my pain experiences, because I just thought everyone else was going through that. Because people would complain, of course, being like: “Oh, God, I’m in quite a bit of pain,” they’d be like... Honestly, my periods are bad as well. But the... the pain is... is awful, and I just... Oh, I can’t get over it, really.
Friends and family were the main source of comparisons about periods and period pain. Candice explained ‘I know like other girls my age have heavy periods and like the cycles are usually messed up at my age; they’re still going through it, still figuring themselves out. But like when I compare …what I’m going through, they say ‘no, the amount, like... like the cycle you’re going through and the amount you’re bleeding is too much.’ Like it’s not the normal amount a teenage girl would go through, even if it’s messed up’. Chloe explained that she thinks period pain can be underplayed, which might not match up with young people’s real-world experience of it: ‘I feel like people don’t make out the pain as like bad as it is, like they kind of make it feel like: “Oh, you’ll just get some cramps sometimes,” but I know for like me, and then like quite a few of my friends, it’s pretty constant and all the time’.
Eidra thought having period pain was normal. She felt this was reinforced by the reactions of people around her, including friends, teachers and school nurses. She worries normalising period pain might seem to ‘downsize’ it so people don’t ask for help.
Eidra thought having period pain was normal. She felt this was reinforced by the reactions of people around her, including friends, teachers and school nurses. She worries normalising period pain might seem to ‘downsize’ it so people don’t ask for help.
I think they need to tell people, like show them if you’re experiencing this amount of pain, then you do need to go get help. Because the fact that that was so normalised, like really, that really shocks me. And I think they should talk more about like... ’cause it’s not healthy to be having painkillers all the time. So, I think they should talk about more natural pain remedies and that should be like more taught, like that should be more mentioned and taught about in school.
Yeah. And that’s really interesting what you say. So, your sense was almost that being in that much pain was normalised?
Yeah, a hundred percent. Like I didn’t... as I said, until recently, I did... I thought that every single person got like period cramps and I thought bad period cramps were the norm, and that’s not... like that’s not right.
No. And do you... I know this is probably a really stupid question, but do you kinda have any sense of where you develop that idea that it... that that was the norm? ’cause like, it’s quite hard to know, isn’t it?
I think it’s like a variety of like talking to other girls who also like complain that they’ve got really bad period cramps. Talking to your teacher and then the teacher being like: “Oh, and it’s just bad period cramps.” I think like there is like this general consensus that it is just like a bad cramp or a bad pain and it’s never like shown that actually this isn’t... yeah, this is too much.
And especially with my migraine thing actually, that... like I... I thought that was normal for a long time, and that was not... like that was debilitating and that was not normal. And not everyone got that, but no one like mentioned it. Like if I told the teacher, for example, like: “Oh, Miss, like I’ve got... like I get really bad migraines on my period,” like she’d just be like: “Oh, that’s kinda normal, everyone gets a headache,” you know? So, like these things weren’t like... I went for years and years without like going to the doctor or like noticing anything, so... yeah.
And so that kind of: “Oh, yeah, no, that’s normal, that’s normal,” that can happen?
Uh-huh.
And you said that... did that kinda factor into how you may... like how and when you felt kinda able to think, ‘well, maybe I’ll go and see a doctor’?
Oh, yeah, I think a hundred percent; a hundred percent. I think if I’d have known sooner, I’d have like gone to the doctor sooner. And I think it’s... But yeah, yeah. I go to like the nurse as well. I think that maybe she’d said something like: “Oh, and maybe you should...” ’cause I went to the nurse... and I think a lot of people went to the nurse, but I went to the nurse like quite repetitively around my period and she... she would... she would like just send me back to like class, or if it was really bad, send me home, but she never said go to another doctor and get this checked out, you know?
Liv worked out that everyone had different experiences by ‘talking to all of the people around me and the... I think being in so many different groups of people with my... my swimming, my netball, my Girlguiding, my school, and things like that, and talking to my different friends, and they’re like: “Ooh, yeah, but like how... and what’s your period like,” and this and that, and kind of everyone being different, but it being the normal for them’. Young people who had experiences that were seemingly different from their friends had to figure out how to make sense of that, including those like Rahma who ‘thought mine was like abnormal because everyone else was in pain, but I wasn’t’. She noted that ‘sometimes if you feel like your experience does not match up to other people, you feel a bit left out and like: ‘oh, is there something wrong with me’. Other people, like Zaynah, Reham Emily and Sage observed that their pain seemed more marked and debilitating than some of their friends, and had to find ways to understand this and work out what it meant and what they could do about it.
Reham thought her periods were normal until her friends and family told her they did not have difficulties like she did. They encouraged her to see a doctor, and gave her the confidence to do so.
Reham thought her periods were normal until her friends and family told her they did not have difficulties like she did. They encouraged her to see a doctor, and gave her the confidence to do so.
And do you ever get a sense of kinda how your periods compare to each other’s?
I find that like mine... I didn’t think mine were really heavy or mine were really bad, or until like my friends were like: “Girl, you need to see a doctor, like you’re fainting, you’re doing all that, and you need to get a doctor,” and I was like: “All right.”
So, it was your friends that kinda encourage you to that?
Yeah.
So, before that, you said you thought yours weren’t that bad?
Yeah, I didn’t really think that they were that bad. Mostly ’cause I didn’t have it... and like family people that told me: “Oh, yours is bad, like, oh, mine’s not really that bad, but yours is bad,” and like I’ve never had that conversation. But until they told me, I was like: ‘oh, you know what, maybe I should.’
Before that point, had you ever thought about... you know, in the days when you were kinda not able to go to school with your period, had you ever thought about going to the doctor’s?
I just thought that it was normal and I didn’t really know about other people didn’t have to go through that, so I was like: ‘oh, and I’ll just suck it up, I’ll... I’ll be all right.’ And then I had a feeling, like sometimes I’ll be in so much pain I’d be like: ‘oh, my gosh, a doctor, anything,’ but I just never went, I just didn’t have the courage to, I guess. Didn’t have... I didn’t have the closure or like somebody telling me: “OK, you need to go to the doctor,” and then that would seal it in for me.
So... it’s OK. So it was almost like what helped you was being given kinda permission or being... or told it was an OK thing to go to the doctor with?
Yeah.
And before that point?
Not really, I just read... “just suck it up”, that’s what I told myself.
Would it have been helpful to know something about what to look out for, or what to do?
If I’d known... if I could tell myself in the past: “Oh, you’ll be really ill, look out for these symptoms like dizziness, feeling really... and feeling really like just low, feeling bad, and also just being in a lot of pain,” and like those symptoms I need to go to a doctor for, because not everyone’s going to have those symptoms. And like my periods are different to others, so I should just ignore what they’re doing, and just get to a doctor and help myself.
It could be difficult when everyone talked about pain or ‘cramps’, to know how your own compared. Hannah X explained this by saying how ‘I guess people just often talk, or like: “Oh, my period’s so painful.” So, if everybody’s saying that, it just comes across as it being normal. So, if my periods are painful, that’s just kind of how they’re meant to be, so it’s not really a problem’. Knowing how to make sense of what other people said could be difficult, and pain could be hard to explain or describe [see Talking about periods and period pain: describing pain]. As Lucia explained: ‘I just feel like if I tell my friends I have cramp, I’d assume they have the same as me’. Zaynah ‘thought period cramps were normal, like you either had them or you didn’t. Like I didn’t think there was like a scale, if that makes sense?’ She has now learned that this is not the case. Jian thinks that period pain is ‘still very much underplayed of like how bad it can truly be and how much it can impact daily life’.
Sometimes there was a risk of mixed messages, which could come from a range of people and places, about how normal pain was, which could make working out how to ask for support difficult. For example, Poppy reflected on seeing the school nurse about period pain: ‘I just said, “Oh, my period pain’s really bad,” and she went: “Oh, OK, yeah, that’s fine.” You know, I think they probably hear it a lot. But, yeah, it was just sort of, you know, regarded as normal, yeah’. Leila’s parents described a ‘sort of dichotomy in that one where they’re saying, ‘oh, it’s period pain’, and then they’re... they almost then equally won’t do anything because it’s period pain’. This could make it tricky to work out what to do about period pain.
Sarenna says that because you are told cramps are normal, that knowing when to see a doctor is hard and no-one really explains this to young people. She thinks teaching people about the range of experience and when to ask for advice would be good.
Sarenna says that because you are told cramps are normal, that knowing when to see a doctor is hard and no-one really explains this to young people. She thinks teaching people about the range of experience and when to ask for advice would be good.
Yeah, I mean I think cramps... like a lot of my friends... ’cause a lot of my friends do have it, like and they’re not normal, but I think a lot of people do get them, but I don’t think it’s... and I think it’s not really explained like how... how bad they’re meant to be, ’cause you don’t know when it’s the right time to go to the doctor, or something like that, ’cause there’s nothing really saying that how much they’re gonna kind of hurt, kind of, like ’cause then you don’t know if you’re just... like if it’s just you and then maybe it’s just like normal, and something like that, or if it’s something you do need to go to the doctor for, so it’s just like...
Yeah, and I think that’s a... that’s really... that really makes a lot of sense to me. Is it something that people have said to you about period pain?
Mm, like my friends and stuff, they haven’t been to the doctor’s, and stuff, but I think she says... ’cause like my best friend like, ’cause she gets it bad, she was like... she was saying that ’cause she’s got an older sister, so she just goes... she talks to her about most of it, and stuff like that, but I think both of them just kind of... they just... it’s not too bad, like they just take a day off when they need to, and stuff like that, so... but I don’t think they like need to go doctor’s and stuff, so...
And at school when you were learning about periods, was... you... I think you said this earlier, that the pain, or what to do about it, wasn’t something that was particularly talked about, from your memory?
No, it wasn’t... like when they talk about it, like even just when everyone talks about it, like when you’re learning about it, and stuff like that, it’s not... like the teachers don’t... don’t go into detail more of what’s... you’re gonna get with it, like they’ll say you might get cramps, or something like that, but they won’t explain like obviously what it might be like, and what it might feel like, and stuff like that, it’s more just like...
OK. We’re nearly, nearly done, I promise. Are you... Are there things that you wish you’d been taught, or that you kinda would like to have learned about?
Yeah. I think it’s more just like obviously knowing... like so first off would be like... like ’cause a lot of the teachers did say like, oh, they’re meant to come like every four weeks, and stuff, so how long they’re meant to be, and stuff, and obviously ’cause mine come every three weeks, and stuff like that, I would have been... ’cause I didn’t know if that was normal, or something like that, but I think ’cause it’s... and then because, obviously before, because it hadn’t settled down and stuff, but now it kind of has, so it would have been maybe more the teach... like someone talking more about that. And then... or more... and also like more like what you’re gonna get with it, kind of, so like more ex... like explaining about like cramps, and stuff like that, and then like knowing how bad they’re meant to be, and then you can... and then ’cause then you can make your own idea of like: ‘do I... should I go to the doctor’s for it or not?’ but...
It was also difficult to describe the volume or amount of period bleeding. Some young people had been told what to expect as ‘normal’ amounts of bleeding in terms of spoonsful of blood. Zaynah didn’t find this information helpful because she could not see how to apply it to her own experiences of period bleeding : ‘how much blood is normal to lose, but they did that in like... I think it was teaspoons, so I just... I didn’t think that’s a good measure because like how does that reflect on a pad? Like I just don’t think that makes a lot of sense.’
Like for period pain, talking about period bleeding could be difficult, either at all or in any detail, which made it tricky to compare experiences. Bella Z explained that from her perspective ‘it’s a bit more like you don’t really wanna talk about it that much. I’d more talk about cramps than, like, the bleeding. I’d say the bleeding’s a bit less, like you wouldn’t go into much detail about it’. Candice thought her bleeding was normal until she realised hers was different from other people, when her mum then supported her to go to a GP: ‘the first time I got it, like, I was like: ‘maybe I’m over-exaggerating ’cause it’s my first time and it looks like it’s a lot to me.’ But it’s... well, it got more frequent and it was really heavy. And then I started to realise, no other people don’t get it like this. And then my mum started to catch on and then she was like: “Yeah, that’s not normal,” so we went to get checked’.
Zaynah was told how much blood was normal to lose in measures of teaspoons. She didn’t know how to make sense of this in reality. When she was leaking through pads in less than an hour, she realised she needed to ask for help.
Zaynah was told how much blood was normal to lose in measures of teaspoons. She didn’t know how to make sense of this in reality. When she was leaking through pads in less than an hour, she realised she needed to ask for help.
So, what sort of things did they cover?
So, periods and about pads and about how much blood is normal to lose, but they did that in like... I think it was teaspoons, so I just... I didn’t think that’s a good measure because like how does that reflect on a pad? Like I just don’t think that makes a lot of sense, yeah.
No.
Like that’s all I can remember from those sessions of the teaspoon thing and, yeah, that’s it, yeah.
And then... and then knowing what to do with teaspoons. I guess you... and it’s quite hard to know what... what’s... what’s happening with your bleeding, then.
Exactly, yeah, I was just like: ‘how is that supposed to be reflected onto a pad, like?’ I remember Googling that actually: “How many teaspoons of blood goes onto a pad before, like, it leaks?” and Google wasn’t very useful either because I don’t think that made a... much sense, yeah.
And was that your start of... ’cause it’s... at what point did you realise... you said your... you realised that your periods were really heavy: at what point kind of did you start thinking that might be the case?
So, I’m gonna say about a year on, because I was in PE and I leaked, so that morning... the day before I’d started my period, and this was the second morning and I’d woken up at 7.30 and I’d changed my pad then, and by eight it was already full, so it... it had only been half an hour, so I was like: ‘this is not normal, like I don’t know what I’m going to do today and like this just isn’t normal.’ Like it hadn’t been that bad before, so I think that at that point I was like: ‘this isn’t normal, I need to ask somebody for help, I need to do something,’ and then I changed my pad at eight, and then I went into school and changed it again and it was already full, and this was before nine; I’m gonna say this was about 8.45. And then I had PE – period one – and I’d leaked, so I was like: ‘yeah, this isn’t normal,’ and then I... I went home and I did tell my mum that day, yeah.
OK. And how did that all feel?
I think really overwhelming and in some ways embarrassing because it goes back to that point of like being able to manage it, but at the same time at that point you kind of realise that this isn’t something that should be managed, but something that should be like looked into instead.
Willow Z had experience of heavy period bleeding, which she had not necessarily felt prepared for by her education: ‘they were never like: “If you’re bleeding this much, it’s not normal. If you’re not, it’s not normal. If you have a missed...” They never talked about spotting, missed periods – nothing – nothing about that. They just covered the quick simple easy basics and were like: “Right, we’re moving on now’, [see Managing period bleeding].
Not everyone had talked to others about their period experiences. Anayaa said she ‘thought that like it wasn’t normal to have really painful periods, but I never really asked anyone about it because I didn’t know who to ask’. Eventually, she asked her mother and her specialist for her colitis and they ‘said it was normal, which made me feel like a sense of relief. But I just felt as though I wasn’t taught it sooner, so like I had that worry for basically no reason’. April said that she and her friends ‘don’t really talk about it ’cause we know like by the time at our age we know everyone has it and it’s not really like a thing that we like bring up ’cause it’s just like normal’.
Zaynah had convinced herself that heavy and painful periods were something that she just had to get used to. She didn’t talk about them in detail with friends or family initially.
Zaynah had convinced herself that heavy and painful periods were something that she just had to get used to. She didn’t talk about them in detail with friends or family initially.
I just thought that like this is something new that I have to navigate and learn how to manage and it’s once a month and I need to be able to like use a pad, know when to change it. Like I just thought... I just thought that there were loads of things that I had to learn, yeah.
OK. And how did you learn those things?
I don’t... I don’t know how to answer that because I don’t think... I think it’s something you get used to, if that makes sense? Because that... most of that year, I had to convince myself that everybody had a period and therefore I just had to get used to it, and no one like had issues with periods, because if everyone had one, like no one’s could be worse than someone else’s, if that makes sense?
Yeah.
And yeah, I just thought it was kind of... this is... like a person-to-person basis and you just have to get used to it.
And was that a message that you sort of picked up from when you learnt about periods, or just—?
Yeah, I think so, ’cause I don’t think they were talked about. They weren’t talked about at all like amongst like anyone, like friends, family, whatever, so I don’t think it was a thing of like you could go round and ask people for help or like flag something, if that makes sense?
Mm.
And be like: “I think my periods are causing me issues,” because that was never raised as like an issue.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So from your perspective, periods kinda weren’t something that you talked about much with other people?
Yeah, yeah, not really.
Can... can you tell me a bit more about that?
So, I had a few conversations with like my friends in school about it, like sometimes in the playground, like at break times like: “Oh, I’m on my period,” and someone else would say, “So am I.” And like conversations about pads and like the brands of pads that we used, but like that was literally it. And conversations with my mum as well, and just about like doubling up on pads when I went to bed, so that it wouldn’t leak, but like that was literally it. Nothing more about like how it can cause pain, or how it can cause other issues, like it was never flagged as something like that, yeah.
And do you have any... did you ever want to say those other things?
I’m not sure to be fair because... because at that time I didn’t see it as an issue myself, like I’d convinced myself that it wasn’t an issue and that again that it was just something that I had to get used to, so I don’t think I did, yeah.
Sometimes people found relatable experiences and information online, although not everyone had found people that had similar experiences to them. For example, Scarlett struggled to find other young people’s experiences and Jayden had not easily found other people who could relate to experience with polycystic ovarian syndrome - PCOS (now known as PMOS) [see Health conditions associated with periods and period pain].
Periods changing over time
Periods and period pain could change over time and young people adapted their thinking as this happened. This could be influenced by what people around them led them to expect, possibly because of how old they were, or how long they had had their periods for. Some people, like Abi, recalled being told that ’Maybe the first few periods you get, you might have it like this while your body adjusts to it, and then it might settle down’. Lola recalled talking to a health professional about finding her cramps really painful, and being advised, ‘sometimes they get worse before you kind of get used to the level of pain, you just need to figure out what works for you to help manage the pain’.
Others like Reham, Hannah and Iris had mild cramps to start with which became more difficult and limiting with time. Reham ‘didn’t feel it at all the first few months, but then it started getting really painful the more like time I had it’.
Iris didn’t have many cramps with her first few periods, but with later periods and over time she developed marked cramps that impacted on her daily life (read by an actor).
Iris didn’t have many cramps with her first few periods, but with later periods and over time she developed marked cramps that impacted on her daily life (read by an actor).
In my first few periods I didn’t get any cramps at all, it was quite... they were really easy to manage actually, yeah…I think... I think at the start I was a bit like... I think actually it kind of empowered me a little bit at the start ’cause I was like: ‘Oh, look I’m...’ I... I felt... I felt more woman-like if I’m honest, I was like: ‘oh, look I’m... I’ve got my period, I’m dealing with period cramps,’ I felt embarrassingly quite grown up, but... But then I think I started to get quite sick of them ’cause they did end up impacting my daily life a lot and... yeah
Hannah X observed that changes to periods and period pain which happened over time could be difficult to notice: ‘it can be quite hard to know what’s normal because like everyone says like periods are painful, like it’s really bad. So especially when it’s changing gradually, I think it’s hard to, you know, notice the change happening and notice that it’s actually having an effect’. Rahma reflected on her process of becoming accustomed to her periods, saying ‘I sort of grew neutral to it and just let it do its thing, I didn’t... I stopped bothering. I just stopped bothering with comparing or anything like that and I just thought, ‘OK, it just is what it is, I’ve had it for about six years now, I’ll just let it be’.
Not feeling prepared for a range of experience, or experiences that didn’t seem to line up with what they thought was expected could lead to uncertainty about what was ok, or normal.
Young people could feel frightened and unsettled when they experienced pain that they did not feel prepared for and about which they had never received advice.
Scarlett was told to expect ‘a little bit of pain’, which she did not feel reflected her experience of periods and period pain.
Scarlett was told to expect ‘a little bit of pain’, which she did not feel reflected her experience of periods and period pain.
They never really focused on the period pain aspect, they just focused on like: ‘you’re gonna get some pain, you’re... you’re gonna get bleeding, just take a hot water bottle and get on with it.’
Yeah.
I appreciate that, but it’s like a general... it’s just like a general... you know, like: ‘here’s what to do.’—
I just remember sitting in the... in the... in the assembly hall with all of the girls in my year, and hearing the woman up at the front saying, “Yeah, your... you’ll... you’ll get your first period, there will be bleeding and there will be a little bit of pain.” And I was like: ‘a little bit, that’s not what I’ve experienced,’ but obviously I didn’t say that out loud. But I was just wondering like... like how... how like... how to explain this? But like how bad do they think that girls’ periods can get, and like how little pain that people can experience like through period pain, especially young girls?
Yeah.
It’s just like, not everyone has the same amount of pain: some people have loads of pain, and some people will have no pain at all.
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